The Irelanders' Adventures of Toy Story/Transcript

This is the script for The Irelanders' Adventures of Toy Story.

Connor Lacey: Well, time to go miniature.

Chris Kratt: Tell me again why we're using the Miniaturizer for this adventure, Connor.

Connor Lacey: Because, Chris, the characters we're visiting today aren't humans like you or me. They're toys. Which is why we are using it to shrink down to their size.

Twilight Sparkle: What?

Martin Kratt: You heard him.

Norman Price: That's stupid. Toys are playthings. They're not alive.

Fireman Sam: Ah, that's where you're wrong, Norman Price. These ones are special. Whenever humans aren't around, they come to life.

Connor Lacey: That's right.

Elvis Cridlington: You don't usually believe in weird things, Sam.

Fireman Sam: Not normally, but for once I actually agree to a weird thing.

Connor Lacey: Everyone, all together now!

The Irelanders: Miniaturize!

[They shrink down to size of toys]

Connor Lacey: Right, let's go.

[They set off]

[In a kid's bedroom, boxes made to look like buildings are place in different areas. A kid holds a Mr. Potato Head toy in front of one of them]

One-Eye Bart: Alright, everyone! This is a stick-up! Don't anybody move! Now empty that safe!

[The kid shakes a piggy bank and a few coins fall out]

One-Eye Bart: [chuckles] Money, money, money! [kisses the coins]

Bo Peep: Stop it. Stop it, you mean old potato.

One Eye Bart: Quiet, Bo Peep! Or your sheep get run over!

Sheep: Help! Baa! Help us!

Bo Peep: Oh, no! Not my sheep! Somebody do something!

[Then the kid picks up a cowboy doll and pulls the string in it's back]

Voice box: Reach for the sky.

One-Eye Bart: Oh, no. Sheriff Woody.

Boy: (doing Woody's voice) I'm here to stop you, One-Eye Bart.

One-Eye Bart: D'oh! How did you know it was me?

Boy: (doing Woody's voice) Are you gonna come quietly?

One-Eye Bart: You can't touch me, sheriff. I've brought my attack dog, with a built in forcefield!

Boy: (doing Woody's voice) Well, I brought my dinosaur who eats forcefield dogs!

[A toy dinosaur eats a slinky dog]

Boy: (doing Woody's voice) You're going to jail, Bart. Say goodbye to the wife and tatertots.

[A baby girl picks up and shakes Mr. Potato Head]

Boy: You've save the day again, Woody. [He pull Woody's pull string]

Voice box: You're my favorite deputy.

[The title "The Irelanders' Adventures of Toy Story" comes up as You've Got A Friend in Me starts playing]

Boy: Come on, let's round up the cattle.

[The boy turns two boxes with cows drawn on them and uses a skipping rope as a lasso]

[He then kicks a box out of his way]

Boy: Round them up, Cowboy.

[He put Woody on a remote controlled car and drove them into a box]

Boy: Hey, cowboy.

[Woody is later seen riding on the boy's back]

Boy: Come on, Woody. [places him on the banister and he slides down it into his arms]

[The boy and Woody spin in a chair]

Boy: Whoa!

[He saw Woody on the chair and put him down on the edge of the chair]

Boy: Score!

[He walk over to his mum]

Boy: Wow! Cool!

Mrs Davis: What do you think?

Boy: Oh, this looks great, Mom!

Mrs Davis: (laughs) Okay, birthday boy.

Boy: We saw it at the store, I asked you for it!

[The boy is very excited about his special]

Mrs Davis: One, two- Four. Yeah, I think that's gonna be enough.

Boy: Can we leave this up until we move?

Mrs Davis: Sure, we can leave it.

Boy: Yeah.

Mrs Davis: Now go get Molly. Your friends are going to be here any minute.

Boy: Okay. It's party time, Woody. Yee-haw!

[He sets off up stairs]

Molly: [Squealing]

Boy: Howdy, little lady.

Molly: [Squealing]

Woody: Somebody's poisoned the waterhole.

Boy: Come on, Molly. Oh, you're getting heavy. See you later, Woody.

[He shuts the door behind him. The portal opens in the middle of the room and the Irelanders come out]

Sarah Jones: Wow.

Raven Queen: This is amazing.

Kim Possible: Just check out that wallpaper.

Connor Lacey: [notices Woody] Look! Up there!

[Woody comes to life and sits up]

Woody: Pull my string, the birthday party's today? Okay, everyone. Coast is clear.

[The Irelanders watch as various other toys in the room come to life, including Mr. Potato Head]

Mark (Robocar Poli): When you said these things came to life when people aren't around, you weren't kidding.

Norman Price: I believe you now.

Martin Kratt: Whoa.

[On the bed, Woody spots the Irelanders]

Woody: [to the other toys] Hold up! Is this the new toys over there?

[The Irelanders have been spotted by the toys in the room]

Connor Lacey: Who, us?

Woody: Yes. Howdy, my name is Woody. Did Andy get you?

Twilight Sparkle: No. We're actually humans, ponies, vehicles and other beings.

Woody: Humans?!

Connor Lacey: Relax, we're here on business.

Woody: It's not that. You're not supposed to know that we can come alive.

Connor Lacey: But we're cool with that.

Woody: How do you know we're alive anyway?

Connor Lacey: I'm a realm traveler. I'm supposed to know this stuff.

Chris Kratt: We use the miniaturizer to shrink down to the size of toys if you're wondering.

Woody: I see. Look, humans are not supposed to know that toys are alive. We come to life when they're not around.

Violet Parr: But we're cool.

Lightning McQueen: Yes. No need to get anxious.

Woody: I know. (to Connor) We're OK with you knowing about toys come to life but don't tell Andy or anyone about us coming alive. OK?

Pinkie Pie: Our lips... [making a zip motion with her hoof] are sealed.

Connor Lacey: We promise not to tell Andy or anyone else about you toys coming to life.

Woody: Good. Make yourselves at home.

[The Irelanders have went to the room]

Mr Potato Head: Ages 3 and up. It's on my box. Ages 3 and up. I'm not supposed to be babysitting Princess Drool.

[The toys bustle about whilst they walk and talk. Hamm the Piggy bank is putting his coins back into his slot. Mr Potato Head comes with his parts all mixed up]

Mr Potato Head: Hey, Hamm. Look, I'm Picasso!

Hamm: I don't get it. (he walks off)

Mr Potato Head: You uncultured swine! What're you lookin' at, ya hockey puck?

[He walks off, leaving the hockey puck with arms and legs confused]

Woody: Hey, Sarge, have you seen Slinky?

Sarge: Sir! No, sir!

Woody: OK. Hey, thank you. At ease.

[He and the Irelanders jump down from the bed and look around]

Woody: Hey, uh, Slinky?

[Slinky, a dog with a slink between his head and back appears, pushing a checker board with red and black disks]

Slinky: Right here, Woody. I'm red this time.

Woody: No. Slink.....

Slinky: Oh, well, all right. You can be red if you want.

Woody: N-Not now, Slink. I got some bad news.

Slinky: Bad news?!

Woody: [holds Slinky's mouth shut] Ssssh!

[The toys stop and look at Woody, Slinky and the Irelanders]

Woody: Just gather everyone up for a staff meeting and be happy.

Slinky: Got it.

Woody: Be happy.

Slinky: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Woody: Staff meeting, everybody! Snake, Robot, podium duty.

[Snake hides under the bed]

Robot: Hey!

[He reaches under the bed and brings Snake out]

Woody: You guys can join the staff meeting and help set things up if you like.

Applejack: We'd be honored. Come on, y'all.

Stick Man: On it, AJ.

[A sketch board walks past Woody who stops in a Western battle way]

Woody: Hey, Etch and Applejack. Draw!

[They draw with Etch sketching a picture of a gun]

Woody: Oh! Got me again.

Applejack: Wow. That's the best drawin' I ever saw.

Connor Lacey: Good job, Etch.

Woody: Etch, you've been working on that draw. Fastest knobs in the West.

The Mask: Cool drawing.

Slinky: Got a staff meeting you guys. Come on. Let's go.

[The toys follow Slinky while Woody looks around]

Woody: Now, where is that... Oh. Hey, who moved my doodle pad way over here?

[Then a green toy dinosaur jumps up and roars at Woody]

Rex: Roaaaaar!

Woody: How're you doin', Rex?

Rex: Were you scared? Tell me honestly.

Woody: I was close to being scared that time.

James Jones: You scared me though.

Rex: I'm going for fearsome here, but I just don't feel it. I think I'm just coming across off as annoying.

Aviva Corcovado: Maybe you need to practice more.

Spike: That way, you'll be able to roar like a real dinosaur.

Rex: Thanks. (saw the Incredibles) Wait, are you the Incredibles?

Bob Parr/Mr. Incredible: Yep. That's us.

Rex: I've seen you all on TV! I'm such a fan of your heroic acts!

Helen Parr/Elastigirl: Well, thanks.

Violet Parr: Huh. I guess that's after Supers become legal, the fans thing comes up.

Dash Parr: You said it big sis.

[Jack-Jack giggles in agreement. Woody got grabbed by a crook and pulled towards Bo Peep]

Woody: (coughs) Ow! Oh, hi, Bo. Hi.

Bo Peep: I wanted to thank you, Woody, for saving my flock.

Woody: Oh, hey, it was, uh, nothin'.

Bo Peep: What do you say I get someone else to watch the sheep tonight?

Woody: (sheepish giggling) Oh, yeah! (mutters)

Bo Peep: Remember, I'm just a couple of blocks away.

[She walks off, leaving Woody baffled]

Randon Toy: Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!

Chug: I think Woody's in love with her.

Mater: Yeah. The famous L word.

Shi La Won: Like me and Marco.

Marco Polo: Yep. Like us. (chuckles while blushing)

Chris Kratt: That's cool.

Connor Lacey: Right you are, Chris.

Shi La Won: (notices Marco's blush and giggles) You and I really are like those two.

Marco Polo: That's all so true. I can't help blushing though.

Shi La Won: I know.

Fu Fu: (chitters)

Slinky: Come on, come on. Smaller up front.

[A bull dog egg toy lets four other egg toys out]

Slinky: Hey, Woody, guys, come on.

Connor Lacey: Coming, Slinky.

Fireman Sam: On our way.

[Woody walks over to the podium and stands. Mike, a speaker with a microphone attached, clears his throat to get Woody's attention and held out his microphone]

Woody: Oh, thanks, Mike.

[He picks up the microphone]

Woody: OK..... Whoa, whoa. Step back.

Hamm: For crying out loud.

The Irelanders: (held their ears) Ow!

[Mike steps back until the feedback fades away]

Woody: Thank you. (blows into the microphone) Hello? Check. That better? Great. Everybody hear me? Up on the shelf, can you hear me? Great. OK. First item today: Uh... oh, yeah. Has everyone picked a moving buddy?

[The toys are surprised]

Rex: What?

Irelanders: What?

Hamm: Moving buddy? You can't be serious.

Rex: I didn't know we were supposed to have one already.

Mr Potato Head: (holding one of his arms) Do we have to hold hands?

[The toys laugh]

Woody: You guys think this is a big joke. We've only got one week left before the move. I don't want any toys left behind. A moving buddy. If you don't have one, get one!

Sarah Jones: Well, now we know what's going on here in Andy's house.

Dottie: Yep.

Woody: All right, next. Uh, oh, yes. Tuesday night's plastic corrosion awareness meeting was, I think, a big success. And we wanna thank Mr Spell for putting that on for us. Thank you, Mr Spell.

Mr Spell: You're welcome.

Luigi Bellini: Whoa.

Tip: That's weird.

Dash: Why would they have a meeting like that?

Ace Bunny: I'm not sure.

Woody: OK. Uh, oh, yes. One, uh, minor note here. (reads quietly) Andy's birthday party has been moved to today.

[The toys got shocked]

Rex: What do you mean the party's today? His birthday's not until next week!

Hamm: What's goin' on down there? Is his mom losin' her marbles?

Woody: Well, obviously she wanted to have the party before the move. (to the other toys) I'm not worried. You shouldn't be worried.

Mr Potato Head: Of course Woody ain't worried. He's been Andy's favourite since kindergarten.

Slinky: Hey, hey. Come on, Potato Head.

[Mr Potato Head looks at Mr Spell, pointing at Slinky's butt then pull out his mouth and tap his butt with it whilst Mr Spell laughs]

Slinky: If Woody says it's all right then, well, darn it, it's good enough for me. Woody has never steered us wrong before.

Connor Lacey: That's right. There's no need to worry or anything.

Woody: Come on, guys. Every Christmas and birthday, we go through this.

Rex: But what if Andy gets another dinosaur, a mean one? I just don't think I could take that kind of rejection.

Twilight Sparkle: Hey, I'm sure there's nothing to worry about.

Woody: Hey, listen, no one's getting replaced. This is Andy we're talking about. It doesn't how much we're played with.

[Woody gestures Mike to move to him since the microphone's wire is stretched too far]

Woody: What matters is that we're here for Andy when he needs us. That's what we're made for, right?

Aisling: You're right, Woody.

[The Irelanders nodded in agreement]

Hamm: Pardon me. I hate to break up the staff meeting but.... they're here! Birthday guests at three o'clock!

[Rex screams]

Woody: Stay calm, everyone!

[The toys run to the window passing Woody and the Irelanders in a panic]

Woody: Hey!

[Mike even joins in the panic, taking the microphone out of Woody's hand]

Woody: Uh, meeting adjourned.

Connor Lacey: Whoa. That was weird.

Derek Price: I know.

Mack: We might as well go and see what presents Andy's getting.

[The Irelanders gets to the window to see what's going on]

Hamm: Ho, boy! Will you take a look at all those presents?

Mr Potato Head: I can't see a thing.

[He pick out his two eyes and lift them above the toys to see Andy's friends bringing in presents]

Shi La Won: Whoa! Those boxes are huge!

Fu Fu: (chitters)

Martin Kratt: Only because we're miniature.

Norman Price: When we're small, the bed and the table are huge. Try to keep up, china girl. (scoffs) Still have a lot to learn about modern technology since you know nothing about it.

Shi La Won: (a bit insulted) Norman!

Twilight Sparkle: That's not true!

Marco Polo: Just because, Shi La, Luigi and I are learning about modern things doesn't mean you have to insults us for not knowing about it!

Connor Lacey: Yes, Norman! So shut it!

Hamm: Yes, sir, we're next month's garage sale fodder for sure!

Rex: Any dinosaur shaped ones?!

Hamm: Oh, for crying out loud. They're all in boxes, you idiot.

Rex: They're getting bigger.

Slinky: Wait, there's a nice little one over there.

Child: Hi!

[The boy holding the present turns to the other kid, revealing his present to be really long and making the toys panic, Rex screaming in the process]

Mr Spell: Spell: trash can.

Raven Queen: Everyone, remain calm!

Rex: We're doomed!

Woody: All right! All right! If I send out the troops, will you all calm down?

Rex: Yes! Yes! We promised!

Woody: OK! Save your batteries.

Station Officer Steele: He's right, you need to chill out, all of you do!

Jimmy Z: You're giving us a headache!

Hamm: Very good, Woody. That's using the old noodle.

Melody: Couldn't have put it better myself, Hamm!

[Woody jumps onto the bed and looks at Sarge]

Woody: Sergeant, establish a recon post downstairs. Code Red! You know what to do.

Sarge: Yes, sir!

[Sarge jumps down from the table and onto one of the drawers]

Sarge: All right, men. You heard him. Code Red! Repeat, we are at Code Red. Recon plan Charlie. Execute! Let's move! Move, move, move, move!

[The Green Army Men jump from the bucket and went out the door, carrying some rope and a baby monitor with them. Sarge look over the landing with his binoculars to see Andy, his mom and his friends heading for the living room to begin opening presents]

Mrs Davis. OK, come on, kids. Everyone in the living room. It's almost time for the presents.

[Sarge motions two parachuters to jump and open the parachutes to glide down to the floor and they did. They look around the hall to make sure no one is around and signals for the rope to be lower down and the rest of the Army Men slides down the rope to the floor. The toys move over to the lamp table where Woody is setting up the monitor]

Hamm: All right, gangway, gangway.

Koki: Coming through.

Connor Lacey: Pardon me. Excuse me.

Trevor Evans: Sorry.

Woody: And this is how we find out what is in those presents.

[The Army Men walk across the hall when they heard Andy's mom coming]

Andy's Mom: OK, who's hungry?

[Sarge and his men all froze]

Andy's Mom: Here come the chips. I've got Cool Ranch and barbecue!

[She steps on one of the Green Army Men crushing him with her foot]

Andy's Mom: Ow! What in the world..... Oh! I thought I told him to pick these up.

[She kicks them away with her foot and moves on. In Andy's room]

Rex: Shouldn't they be there by now? What's taking them so long?

Woody: Hey, these guys are professionals. They're the best. Come on! They're not lying down on the job.

[The Army Men are lying on the floor. Sarge stands up and motion his soldiers to move to the plant pot for safety. Sarge heard some moaning and turn to see one of his soldiers is crushed from being step on and was moving limply across the floor]

Soldier: G-G-Go on without me! J-Just go!

Sarge: A good soldier never leaves a man behind.

[He motions to his soldiers on the landing and they lower the baby monitor to the ground and they carry it to the flower pot. A ball rolls towards them so they move fast and climbs into the pot just as the ball rolled by, followed by the boys and Andy's Mom]

Andy's Mom: OK, everybody, come on.

[The soldiers set the baby monitor up while a medic tends to the wounded solider and gives a thumb's up to Sarge who peers under the leaves and look through his binoculars to see the presents]

Andy's Mom: Everybody settle down. Now, kids. Everybody..... You sit in a circle. No, Andy. Andy, you sit in the middle there. Good. And..... Which present are you gonna open first?

Boy: Mine!

[Sarge looks at the presents with his binoculars]

Sarge: There they are.

[Upstairs in Andy's room, the toys and Irelanders hear Sarge's voice on the Baby Monitor]

Sarge: Come in, Mother Bird. This is Alpha Bravo.

Woody: This is it! This is it! Quiet, quiet!

Sarge: Come in, Mother Bird. All right, Andy's opening the first present now.

Mr Potato Head: Mrs Potato Head! Mrs Potato Head! Mrs Potato Head!

[Rex and Hamm look at him, confused]

Mr Potato Head: Hey, I can dream, can't I?

Apple White: Most of us can dream, Potato Head.

Charlie Jones: Looks like someone's wanted some love.

Fireman Sam: Couldn't agree more, Charlie.

Bronywn Jones: Me too.

Sarge: The bow's coming off. He's ripping the wrapping paper. It's a.... It's..... It's a...... a lunch box. We've got a lunch box here.

Woody: A lunch box?

Mr Potato Head: Lunch box?

Slinky: For lunch. (laughs)

Marco Polo: What's a lunch box?

Connor Lacey: Something you put your lunch in.

Luigi Bellini: Cool.

Sarge: OK, second present. It appears to be..... OK, it's bed sheets.

Mr Potato Head: Who invited that kid?

Cruz Ramirez: Andy's mom, duh.

Stick Man: I hope Andy and his friends don't see me. I don't want to being mistaken for other things like before.

Twilight Sparkle: Don't worry, they're down stairs right now.

The Mask: You could've come to life to anyone who uses you. Then they'II see that you're Stick Man and not any of those things.

Stick Man: I hope so. I'II keep it in mind.

Aisling: Let's see what else Andy's friends got him.

[Sarge watches as Andy's Mom picks the present one by one until there's only one left]

Andy's Mom: Oh! Only one left.

Sarge: OK, we're on the last present now.

Woody: Last present!

Sarge: It's a big one. It's a.... It's a board game! Repeat, Battleship!

Woody: Whew!

[The toys cheer]

Hamm: Hallelujah! Yeah! All right!

[Hamm accidentally bumps Mr Potato Head, knocking some of his parts out]

Mr Potato Head: Hey, watch it!

Hamm: Sorry, old spud head.

Sarge: Mission accomplished. Well done, men. Pack it up. We're goin' home.

[The men start to turn off the baby monitor]

Woody: So did I tell ya? Huh? Nothing to worry about.

Slinky: I knew you were right all along, Woody. Never doubted ya for a second.

Spud the Scarecrow: You toys just worried too much like Henry.

The Mask: Yes. You are.

[Just then Sarge saw Andy's mom pull out a surprise present from the closet]

Andy's Mom: Wait a minute. Oh! What do we have here?

Sarge: Wait! Turn that thing back on!

[The baby monitor turns back and Sarge's voice is heard

Sarge: Come in, Mother Bird! Come in, Mother Bird! Mom has pulled a surprise present from the closet.

The Irelanders: What?!