The Thug Tug

Here's how the Thug Tug bar goes in Little Bear's Adventures of The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie.

[Meanwhile, an exhausted SpongeBob and Patrick crawl down the road, sweaty and tired, but still cheering. Patrick's blow horn stops working and he tosses it behind him.]

Patrick: Going on.

SpongeBob: Yeah! Moving on. Just keep going.

Patrick: Yup.

SpongeBob: Gonna get that crown.

Patrick: Oh, yeah. Alright.

SpongeBob: Yeah. Victory.

Patrick: Are we there yet?

SpongeBob: We must be close by now.

Stocking Anarchy: Really? Well, I don't see it.

SpongeBob: Guys, look. [He points to a billboard and reads it.] We're doing great! Shell City's only five days away! [A leaf blocking part of the sign comes off, revealing 2 more words]

Patrick: By car.

SpongeBob: I wish we still had our car.

Leafeon: Well, I wish we had an easier way of transportation.

Patrick: Guys, look! Our car!

[We see the Patty Wagon in front of a beat-up bar. SpongeBob, Patrick, and our heroes are about ready to get in the Patty Wagon, but SpongeBob notices that the key is missing]

SpongeBob: The key!

Latias: SpongeBob's right! It's not there!

Patrick: Where do you think it is?

[A fish is kicked through one of the Thug Tug windows and lands next to SpongeBob and Patrick, with many broken bones. His leg twitches.]

Duck: I think I might know.

[Our heroes look through the broken window, and see thugs fighting, becoming drunk, and playing pool. The inside is a disaster. Everything is cracked or splintered, and the dim lights make everything look red. "R.I.P." is written in spray paint on a wall with a dead or knocked out fish below it. They see the Boat jacker playing pool with the key hooked onto his belt.]

SpongeBob: There it is, guys. The key! Now, how are we gonna get it?

Patrick: I know. Walk in and ask him for it.

Thug: [From inside.] What are you looking at? [SpongeBob and Snail hear the punching sounds and pain cries inside]

Snail: Patrick, that's a terrible idea.

Patrick: [Downcasted and realizing Snail's point] Sorry.

SpongeBob: I know. We'll go in and create a distraction, and you get the key.

Patrick: [Becomes enthusiastic] Ooh! Ooh! Wait!, I wanna do the distraction!

SpongeBob: Okay... I guess it really doesn't matter who does the distraction.

Joe: Alright, let's do it!

[Patrick puffs out his chest as he bursts through the swinging doors, while SpongeBob crawls underneath them as our heroes sneak in. Patrick clears his throat.]

Thug in background: You see me walkin' back?!

Patrick: Ahem! Can I have everybody's attention? [Everyone clusters around Patrick with angry expressions, ready for a fight.] I have to use the bathroom.

Boat jacker: [confusingly] It's, uhh... right over there. [He points behind him and notices SpongeBob and our heroes reaching for his key. SpongeBob looks up at him for a second before scuffing around on the ground, searching for something.]

SpongeBob: Stupid contacts. [He holds up an imaginary contact.] Oh, there it is. I better go wash it off. [Runs away]

Little Bear: Yeah, if you excuse us, Mr. Ski-Mask dude?

[He and our heroes run off]

[Inside the restroom, Patrick is going to the bathroom. He finishes as SpongeBob and our heroes come in]

SpongeBob: [Angry] Patrick! You call that a distraction?!

Tom: Yeah! You had one task: Get the key! And what do you have to do? Go to the restroom!

Patrick: [Jolts up. He flushes the toilet. Turns to SpongeBob after realizing his error] Well, I had to go to the bathroom.

SpongeBob: Well, I got my hands dirty for nothing.

Brian: Now we have to think of another plan.

SpongeBob: [He pumps the soap dispenser, and the top is pushed off by pressure from bubbles forming inside of it.] Guys, check it out! [He pumps more.]

Patrick: Whoa.

Everyone: Hooray! Bubble party! [Bubbles float all around the bathroom and ragtime music plays as SpongeBob and Patrick dance with bubbles. Patrick juggles them, as SpongeBob gives him more to juggle. Then, SpongeBob lays on his side and balances one on his foot. Patrick balances one on his head. But one bubble drifts out the door and into the pub. Victor, the bartender sees it.]

Victor: Hey! Who blew this bubble?!

Widget: Gee, that wasn't suppose to happen.

Victor: [Punches it, and it pops.] You all know the rules!

Everybody in the main area of the Thug Tug: All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied patron in the bar.

One Patron: [falling behind] ...bar.

Victor: That's right! So who blew it?!

Wubbzy: Pop them all! Hurry!

[SpongeBob, Patrick, and our heroes frantically pop all of the bubbles]

Victor: So... Nobody knows?

Tough Guy #1: Maybe it was...

Victor: Shut up! [Throws a chair at him] Somebody in here ain't a real man. [SpongeBob, Patrick, and our heroes attempt to sneak out, but Victor sees them.] You! We're on a baby hunt. And don't think we don't know how to weed 'em out. Now, everybody line up! DJ! Time for the test. [The DJ gives a thumbs-up to Victor and plays a CD.] No baby can resist singing along to this. [The Goofy Goober theme song plays]

Patrick: [Nervously] SpongeBob, it's the Goofy Goober theme song.

SpongeBob: [In a raspy voice] I know!

Cleveland: What do we do?!

Franklin: Try your best not to sing!

Goofy Goober: [On record] ♪Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah. You're a Goofy Goober, yeah. We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah. Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah!♪

[As the song goes on, Victor walks down the line to see the patron's responses to the songs.]

Tough Guy #2: [coughs]

Victor: [Points at Tough guy angrily] It was you! You're the baby!

Tough Guy #2: No, no! I only coughed, I swear! [Victor points with two fingers from his eyes to the thug's to show that he's watching him. Then, he walks on. Tough Guy #2 sighs in relief.]

Victor: DJ! Turn it up louder!

SpongeBob: [trying not to sing] Don't sing along, Patrick!

Patrick: I'm trying. Trying so hard. [Victor notices his and SpongeBob's struggle and starts singing mockingly]

Victor: ♪I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah! You're a Goofy Goober, yeah!

Sylveon: Come on guys, don't sing!

Victor: ♪We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah!♪

[Victor watches as SpongeBob and Patrick can't take it anymore and open their mouths to sing when... ]

Little Bear: No!

Siamese Twins: ♪Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah!♪ [disc scratch and the song stops]

Victor: [laughs.] Well, well, well. Which one of you babies was it?!

Siamese Twins: [Nervously] Uh..[Look at and point at the other] It was him! He did it. I've never even eaten at... ♪Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah!♪ [They cover each other's mouths after realizing their words.]

Victor: Well, looks like we got ourselves a double baby! [The thugs surround the twins, crack their knuckles, and lunge at them in unison. SpongeBob, Patrick, and our heroes escape the Thug Tug.]

SpongeBob: Man, that was a close call.

Glaceon: We are never going back in there again!

Ami Onuki: Agreed!

Waffle: But we didn't get the key.

Patrick: Guess what I got. [Pulls out the key]

SpongeBob: The key! Shhh...

Owl: Let's get out of here!

[Cut to the Patty Wagon rolling down the street as it becomes night.]