Tino's Adventures of Aladdin/Transcript

This is the transcript for Tino's Adventures of Aladdin.

Opening
(????????) (Then the screen reveals that Patchy is in a cannon that is pointing outside the window) (The film starts off with opening credits, when ?????????)
 * The Announcer: And now it's for Patchy's Pick, hosted by the great adventure host of all time, Patchy the Pirate.
 * Patchy the Pirate: Ahoy, fellow fanatics! Welcome to Patchy's Pick. Why don't come on back on the galley, I got a little treat for you today. We're gonna see me favorite Tino's Adventure film, "Aladdin" Ta-da!
 * Potty: Boring!
 * Patchy the Pirate: Well, If it isn't my less-than-amusing sidekick, Potty the Parrot. Potty, say hello to the nice people.
 * Potty: Bawk! I'm being held here against my will-- Help!
 * Patchy the Pirate: Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh... Oh, Potty come back! Potty? Potty? Were'd you go? Potty, you in here, buddy?
 * Potty: [laughs and squawking] Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha.
 * Patchy the Pirate: Get me out of here, you scurvy bird! [The cannon blasts Patchy out and Patchy screams; he lands in a neighboring house which sinks like a boat. Patchy returns, still smoking from the cannon blast] Well, roll the film.
 * [Peddler]
 * Oh I come from a land, from a faraway place, where the caravan camels roam.
 * Where it's flat and immense, and the heat is intense.
 * It's barbaric, but hey, it's home.
 * When the wind's from the east, and the sun's from the west,
 * And the sand in the glass is right.
 * Come on down, stop on by, hop a carpet and fly
 * to another Arabian night.
 * Arabian nights, like Arabian days.
 * More often than not, are hotter than hot in a lot of good ways.
 * Arabian nights, 'neath Arabian moons.
 * A fool off his guard, could fall and fall hard out there on the dunes.

(Then, the camel gets tired and lies flat on its belly as the peddler slides down) (Camera tilts down to find Jafar sitting on his horse and Iago on his shoulder. Gazeem comes riding up to the pair.) (Jafar pulls out the second half of the medallion. He connects them, and the insect medallion begins to glow. Finally, it flies out of Jafar's hand, scaring the horses, and is off towards the dunes.) (All ride off, following the glowing speck of light, until it reaches a large dune. It separates into two and the halves plunge into the dune.  All that remains are two glowing points of light on the dune. But then the dune begins to rise up, transforming into a giant lion's head, with the glowing points serving as the eyes.) (GAZEEM starts to approach the lion's mouth, which forms the entrance to the cave.  He chuckles as he goes.) (Gazeem reaches the cave, but is blown away by the roar of the cave's speaking.) (GAZEEM turns to JAFAR with a questioning look.) (GAZEEM hesitates, then moves one foot inside the cave. With great apprehension, he plants his foot down.  Nothing happens. Relieved, he begins his trek again. Then another roar comes. He turns back, but the lion's mouth slams shut and the dune collapses back to normal.  All that are left are Jafar, Iago, and the two separated halves of the medallion.) (IAGO unburied himself from the sand, coughing as he does so.)
 * Peddler: Ah, Salaam and good evening to you worthy friend. Please, please, come closer- (Camera zooms in hitting peddler in the face) Too close, a little too close. (Camera zooms back out to CU)There.Welcome to Agrabah.  City of mystery, of enchantment, and the finest merchandise this side of the river Jordan, on sale today, come on down! Heh, heh.  Look at this! Yes! Combination hookah and coffee maker--also makes Julienne fries.  Will not break (taps it on the table), will not--(it falls apart)--it broke.  Ooohhh!  Look at this! Pulls out Tupperware) I have never seen one of these intact before. This is the famous Dead Sea Tupperware. Listen. (Pries it open, makes a raspberry sound.) Ah, still good. (Camera begins to pan to right. He hurries to catch it.) Wait, don't go!  (Stop pan.) I can see that you're only interested in the exceptionally rare.  I think then, you would be most rewarded to consider...this. (He pulls the MAGIC LAMP out from his sleeve.) Do not be fooled by its commonplace appearance. Like so many things, it is not what is outside, but what is inside that counts. (Another pan, this one slower to left. Again, he'd rushes to catch up.) This is no ordinary lamp! It once changed the course of a young man's life. A young man who liked this lamp was more than what he seemed. A diamond in the rough. Perhaps you would like to hear the tale? (He pours shiny sand from the lamp into his hand.) It begins on a dark night (PEDDLER throws sand into the sky, where it forms a starry nightscape.), where a dark man waits, with a dark purpose.
 * Jafar: You are late.
 * Gazeem: A thousand apologies, O Patient One.
 * Jafar: You have it, then?
 * Gazeem: I had to slit a few throats, but I got it. [Jafar tries to nab it] Ah-ah-ahhh. The treasure. [Iago steals it from his hand] Ow!
 * Jafar: Trust me, my pungent friend. You'll get what's coming to you.
 * Iago: What's coming to you. Awk!
 * Jafar: Quickly! Follow the trail. Faster.
 * Jafar: At last, after all my years of searching, the Cave of Wonders.
 * Iago: Awk. Cave of Wonders!
 * Gazeem: By Allah...
 * Jafar: Now, remember. Bring me the lamp! The rest of the treasure is yours, but the lamp is mine.
 * Iago: Awk, the lamp. Awk, the lamp. Jeez, where'd ya dig this bozo up?
 * Jafar: Shh.
 * Cave: [echoing rumble] Who disturbs my slumber?
 * Gazeem: [thief gasps] It is I, Gazeem, a humble thief.
 * Cave: Know this. Only one may enter here, one whose worth lies within. A diamond in the rough.
 * Jafar: What are you waiting for? Go on.
 * Jafar: No!
 * Cave: Seek thee out the diamond in the rough.
 * Iago: [coughing] I can't believe it. I just don't believe it. We're never gonna get a hold of that stupid lamp. Just forget it. Look at this. Look at this. I'm so tickled off that I'm molting.
 * Jafar: Patience, Iago. Patience. Gazeem was obviously less than worthy.
 * Iago: Oh, there's a big surprise. That's an incredible. I think I'm gonna have a heart attack and die from that surprise. What are we gonna do? We got a big problem here, a big...
 * Jafar: Yes. Only one may enter. I must find this one, this... diamond in the rough.

.At Agrabah/Meeting Aladdin/"One Jump Ahead"'
(The next day, at Agrabah. Tino and his allies just arrived Agrabah)
 * Tino Tonitini: (breaking the fourth wall) Tino here. Today, We're here in Agrabah for the Arabian Night vacation. A strange letter came to me in the mail, and I decided that my friends and I go to have a vacation here by a sultan. It's only a guess, but you know I'm right, don't ya? (to his friends) Well, here we are.

(Cut to a rooftop, where ALADDIN rushes up to the edge, carrying a loaf of bread.  He almost drops it over the edge.) (He jumps off, landing on two ropes strung between buildings, with drying clothes on them.  He skies down them, collecting bits and pieces of clothing on him as he goes.  Finally, he's nearing the end of the rope, at a window, when a woman reaches out and slams the shutters closed.  ALADDIN slams into the shutters and falls to the street, his fall being broken by numerous awnings and the pile of clothes around him. He pulls off the top layer of clothes and is about to enjoy his bread when...)
 * Big G: Okay, you're being weird.
 * Sneech: Yeah what's going on?
 * Tino Tonitini: Well, here is going to be a Arabian Nights vacation. Ha! It'll be something to sell our grandchildren.
 * Marco Diaz: Uh, Arabian Nights?
 * Noby: What's Arabian Nights?
 * Tish Katsufrakis: Arabian Nights is a classic tale of a street urchin, Aladdin falling in love a princess, and has help from a genie.
 * Sue: I just love Arabian Nights, don't you.
 * Tish Katsufrakis: I sure do. We got the letter that invited us here.
 * Carver Descartes: But who sent us this letter, anywhy?
 * Sneech: I'm not sure.
 * Star Butterfly: That I don't have the answer to. But whoever it is, something not right about it.
 * Doraemon: Normally, We get letters, but not like this.
 * Sue: Guys! Hey guys I need your help!
 * Macro Diaz: What is it, Sue?
 * Sue: That poor boy!
 * Everyone: Uh?
 * Star Butterfly: Oh no, he's being chased by the guards!
 * Carver Descartes: We got to do something and help him!
 * Tino Tonitini: And we will let's go!
 * Razoul: Stop! Thief! I'll have your hands for a trophy, street rat.
 * Aladdin: All this for a loaf of bread? Whoa!
 * Guard 1#: There he is!
 * Guard 2#: You won't get away so easy!
 * Aladdin: You think that was easy?
 * Razoul: You two, over that way, and you, follow me. We'll find him.
 * Aladdin: Morning, ladies.
 * Woman: Getting into trouble a little early today, aren't we, Aladdin?
 * Aladdin: Trouble? No way. You're only in trouble if you get caught.
 * Razoul: Gotcha.
 * Aladdin: I'm in trouble.
 * Razoul: And this time... [monkey squeaking]
 * Aladdin: Perfect timing, Abu, as usual.
 * Abu: Abu.
 * Marco Diaz: Back off guard!
 * Tino Tontitini: (To Aladdin) Uh hello, sir. That was a nasty fall from the top of the building you made.
 * Sue: Yeah, are you okay?
 * Aladdin: I'm fine. Just trying to get away from the guards with the bread. And you are?
 * Tino Tonitini: Well I'm Tino and these are my friends. Lor, Carver, and Tish
 * Noby: Hi, I'm Noby.
 * Sue: Hello, my name is Sue.
 * Big G: And I'm Big G. This guy here is Sneech.
 * Sneech: Yeah, nice to meet you.
 * Doraemon: Oh yeah, and I'm Doraemon.
 * Aladdin: Well I'm Aladdin and this my monkey, Abu.
 * Abu: Abu.
 * Aladdin: Come on let's get outta here!
 * [Aladdin]
 * Gotta keep...one jump ahead of the breadline
 * One swing ahead of the sword
 * I steal only what I can't afford
 * That's everything!

Ending
(???) THE END!!!
 * Patchy the Pirate: Ahoy, children! I'm back! I hope all you boys and girls enjoyed the show because it's time for you to walk the plank! [Screen reads: PLEASE STAND BY] Oh, sorry, kids. What I meant to say was it's time for fan mail! [blows horn]
 * Old-time crowd: Hooray!
 * Patchy the Pirate: And now, the moment you've all been waiting for, so get ready to blow milk out of your nose because we're gonna open a letter! The envelope please Potty. Thank you, my fine feathered assistant.
 * Potty: [Potty has a lighten fuse on his head] Brawk, you're not welcome.
 * Patchy the Pirate: [Patchy blows his nose] Hey, Potty, do you smell something? Oh, Potty! That fuse in your head! I told you we're not doing that stunt!
 * Potty: Brawk, I didn't get the memo! Brawk! [Potty blows up along with Patchy; Patchy coughs up a feather and recovers from the blast]
 * Patchy the Pirate: Well, that’s it for Patchy's Pick. Hooray! [Potty collapses to the floor]