Escape from the Barnyard/Transcript

Escape from the Barnyard is 2nd Episode from Winnie the Pooh goes Back at the Barnyard. Here's the transcript.

The Beginning
(Otis making a statue of the Farmer, and Pip dress up of like the Farmer)

Pip: Whoo-Hoo, look at me, I'm the Farmer. Howdy, I've worn overalls for 27 years.

Otis: Pip, can you focus, please?

Tigger: Yeah, you just made him smear the face. It takes us 2 hours to make it.

Otis: Yeah, do we have to get someone else to pose for my cream cheese statue of the Farmer?

Freddy: Oh, pick me, pick me. I'll pose for you. Let me be the Farmer. I want to be the Farmer! I earned this!

Cosmo: No, No! I want to do this. Because I know about art.

Wanda: Huh, Cosmo. Your arts always watch up.

Cosmo: Why is that?

Sunset Shimmer: Because you do your art's in under water.

Tigger: Oh,pick me! Me,me,me,me,me,me,me!

(Duke, Rabbit, and Eeyore walks in)

Duke: I should be the Farmer. He and I are tight like that.

Pip: Dude your such a kiss-up.

Eeyore: It figures.

Rabbit: He has a point. Just because your man's best friend doesn't mean you should pose as him.

Duke: Not true. I have never kissed the Farmer. I do admitt to do some licking. But thats perfectly normal canine behavior. I find the man to be very refreshing.

Rabbit: (moans)

(Bessie comes in to the barn and starts insulting Otis)

Bessie: Hey, Leonardo de Dum-Dum! You said you were going to help Abby with the tick infestation.

Pip: I'll clean your ticks.

Bessie: Touch me and go from mouse to mouse pad.

Pip: Later.

(Pip runs off)

(Abby starts comes in)

Abby: Come on, Otis. Those ticks won't stand a chance against my new lady beautiful styling combs.

Sunset Shimmer: We're ready for them.

Otis: This is much more important. And...there. The perfect gift for Farmer Appreciation Week. We have a sweet deal here folks. Its time to show the man so gratitude.

(Pig and Cosmo eating the statue)

Pig: Well said Otis

Cosmo: Yeah, who has crackers?

Otis: Pig, Cosmo, would stop eating the farmer's head.

Cosmo: Sorry.

Pip: Delivery Truck!

(Everyone comes to the window)

Otis: sweet crispy cud! Is that what I think it is?

(The farmer brings out a new machine)

(The binoculars are to blurry)

Freddy: Its dark and scary. Its filled with evil!

Otis: Wrong, not evil. Its a new high tech digital sound system. And we get to use it when the farmer is out. Is this guy awesome or what?

(Abby takes a look)

Abby: That doesn't look like a sound system.

Sunset Shimmer: Looks like a grill.

Otis: Whoa, excuse me Miss Know-it-Alls, I think I know state of the art technology when I see it. Come everybody. Lets go check it out!

(Then Otis call's Farmer, and Farmer runs into the house to answer the phone)

(Otis, Abby, Pip, Pooh and Cosmo comes in)

Otis: Works every time.

Pip: The Quick Fryer Mark IV.

Otis: Hmm...

Abby: That's a weird name for a stereo.

Pooh: Maybe Sunset Shimmer was right about being a grill.

Otis: No no no no, watch and learn ok? The cds go in here. (opens it) Then you crank up the volume right here. (turns the nob)

(They began to steam)

Pip: Then you run away screaming.

(Everyone screaming back to the barnyard)

Cosmo: Ah, hot steam! On the bright side, my shirt not wrinkled.

Otis: Ok not a sound system.

(Freddy with a fork and a giant knife)

Freddy: Hmm...something smells scrumptious. I mean disturbing! I knew that thing was evil! Evvvviilll!

Otis: Stop that!

Abby: Otis, whether we want to admit or not, the Farmer has purchased...a barbecue grill.

(Everyone was surprised and shocked)

Sunset Shimmer: I knew it!

(Freddy excited)

Freddy: Yay, I love kabobs

(Everyone look at Freddy suspiciously)

Freddy: Sorry.

Pig: I love kabobs too. You know, unless I know the kabobe.

Cosmo: Me too, especailly with BBQ sauce

Pooh: And honey.

Rabbit: Huh, how you think of honey, in time like this?

Pooh: I proadic.

Otis: Ok enough with the kabobs, ok? It is not a barbecue! The farmer is a total vegan, guys.

Bessie: Vegan my rump! You know what I heard?

Wanda: What?

Bessie: I heard he ate an entire village down in Mexico.

Otis: Ok, pretty sure that not true. The farmer has absolutely no interest in meat whatsoever.

Pip: Here come the carnivore!

(The farmer enters and lighting roars)

Farmer: Its time sheep.

(The farmer takes one of the sheep and leaves)

Freddy: This is horrible! My dearest friends are going to be barbecued! (sobbing then thinking about meats then freaking out again)

Duke: I'm too young to be eaten. Too Young!

Pip: Dude get a grip your a dog. The farmer not going to eat you.

Duke: What you saying I wouldn't be nice with some low fat chips and nice cherry cola?

Otis: Aright enough with the chips and the cola! This is crazy talk people, come on. Even if the farmer dips in seasons, I still wouldn't believe it.

Pip: Captain Cold Cuts, two o clock!

Wanda: Hide!

(Farmer comes in with a book and a bucket)

Farmer: Pour olive oil dip calf. Add garlic salt. Sit for 6 hours.

(Puts calf in the bucket and leaves)

Freddy: He's marinating Joey in olive oil! I would have use teriyaki, chicken or a hen. If I crave flesh! Which I don't!

(Otis getting angry)

Otis: How can I look you in those raisin eyes again?

(Smack the statue on the ground)

Pig: Oh, I got dibs!

Cosmo: Save some for me!

Otis: Everyone, the Farmer has betrayed us. So pack your things, we're leaving the barnyard,forever.

Pig: Hey whose got bagels?

Cosmo: And crackers..

Wanda: Not now Cosmo!

The Middle
(So they made their escape from the Barnyard)

Pip: We're ready to go, Otis.

Otis: Has the escape pod been built to mu exact specifications?

Pip: Yeah, listen, we couldn't get an escape pod, because Cosmo & Wanda don't have enough magic with their wands to get the parts so we had to go a little more low-tech.

Otis: Ok, so no warp drive.

Pip: Um, on.

Otis: Thrusters?

Pip: Uh-uh.

Otis: Air Brakes?

Pip: No.

Otis: Doors?

Pip: Negative.

Tigger: But, do you have a floor.

Pip: Uh, Define floor.

Otis: All right, well, uh, we got hot air. That's a thing, right?

Wanda: Yes.

Sunset Shimmer: By the way. What did you get the air from?

Pip: You don't want to know.

(They cut into a yard house)

Pig: My work here is done.

Sunset Shimmer: EWW!

Otis: Alright people listen up! A daring aerial escape is our only hope! Now, its going to be a squeeze, so carefully...

Freddy: FARMER!!!!

Pooh: Gang way!

(Everyone tiring to get in the Basket and broke the roof)

Farmer: Dang Termites. Always chewing on something. Dang thing.

(Everyone still trying to get in the basket)

Mrs.Beady: Nathan Randall, are we insured for damage cause by flying barnyard animals and kids?

Mr. Beady: (groans) Got a postcard from your brain today. Its having a wonderful time.

Mrs.Beady: Oh ha ha ha, make fun of me. Well I'll tell you something, mister

Mr.Beady: (groans) Somebody take me out, take me out

Mrs.Beady: Did I get a postcard?

(Everyone is in the balloon in the thunderstorm)

Abby: Ah, Otis, do you known where you're going?

Otis: Relax, Cosmo is stirring the balloon for that bank dark storm clouds to avoid being spotted.

Pooh: Oh, bother.

Sunset Shimmer: What? You're letting Cosmo drive!?!

Wanda: You know Cosmo always drives with his eyes closed.

Cosmo: Don't worry guys, I got this.

(The balloon pops and releases the hot air)

Otis: Well that wasn't so bad.

(They began to fall and scream and land into a tree)

Otis: Is everyone ok?

Freddy: (angrily) What do you think?

Pig: (smelling himself) I smell like bacon.

Cosmo: MMM, bacon.

Abby: Otis?

Otis: I know what you're gonna say. (as Abby) "Never fly into a lightning storm and never let Cosmo drive."

Abby: I was gonna say that, but then, I took a good look around

(Everyone was amazed)

Otis: I think we're gonna like it here.

(every having a good time)

Peck: Oh, Pig, this pond is perfect for my "Water Ballet." (Laughs) We are in paradise.

Pig: Look at this haul. Tater Tots, Pizza...

(Cut to Freddy)

Freddy: Chicken Salad, Turkey Jerky... It's like some beautiful Poultry-filled dream. Hold me.

(cut to Otis, Abby, Pip, Pooh, Piglet, Cosmo and Tigger)

Otis: That's what I'm talking about.

Pip: Birdie off the greenskeeper's cabeza, nice.

Cosmo: I love golfing.

Tigger: You don't play golf, cause' you're a fairy remember?

Cosmo: Oh, yeah. Than why I'm have a golf clubs?

Pooh: Uh, that's not golf clubs, Cosmo. That's your art stuff.

Otis: Let's me tee that up for ya, Pip ol pal.

(Otis hallucinates the golf ball as Joey)

Joey: Why you leave me behind Otis? I was counting on you.

Otis: Joey?

Joey: I'm all oily.

Otis: There's nothing I can do. It was the farmer. THE FARMER!!!

Abby: Otis who are you talking too?

Tigger: Yeah are you alright?

Otis: Huh? No one. I got to go..,, wash this thing its to chatty... I mean dirty. It's very dirty

Joey: And Oily!

(Otis leaves creepily)

Abby: Is he alright?

Pooh: Who knows.

Pip: He still upset about the farmer. You know how it is when a friend tries to barbecue you

(Pooh and Tigger doesn't get)

Otis: Ok, keep it together, Otis. Everything's fine. Everyone's happy. Just relax and enjoy your tower of stillness

(He now imagines to ball cleaner as a sheep)

Sheep: Hey, Otis. Got any mint jelly for my leg?

Otis: No, I dont think..(screams) Why you there?! Just ignore it. (nervously laughing and hyper ventilating)

(He now see the farmer as the grill)

Farmer: How you like your friends Otis? Grill or Crispy? (manically laughing)

(Otis extremely panicked)

(Otis hits a garnder and takes the golf kart)

Otis: Playing through!

(Otis heads off and warns to others)

Freddy: Oh, yes, dont mind if I do. Why thank you I will. No after you I will

(Otis warns everyone)

Sunset Shimmer: What's going on Otis?

Otis: Drop everything, people! We're going back!

Freddy: Ahhh, Hold tight my deliciously packed friends. I shall return

Abby: Otis we cant leave. I'll knock three strokes of my game since we been here

Otis: We have to save our friends! Now the farmer we loved is gone for good but we can still end he carnivorous reign of terror!

Sunset Shimmer: Maybe we should go back. What you guys think?

Pig: Hmm, pass

Pip: Pass

Abby: Pass

Freddy: Big pass. Huge pass.

Otis: That pathetic. Did Luke Skywalker pass when he had to blow up the Death Star?

Pooh Tigger Piglet Rabbit and Eeyore: No!

Otis: Did Tarzan pass when Jane was threaten by the Chimp King?

Wanda: No!

Otis: Did that guy...pass...when he had to do the thing.. in the place...with those people?

Sunset Shimmer: Uh...?

Otis: You bet he didn't! Now who's with me?

(Everyone was still not convinced)

Otis: (pretending his hands were killers) Get in the kart or the cow...gets it.

Cosmo: Well, I'm convinced.

The Ending
(The scene cuts to our heroes looking for the farm)

Otis: Hang tough, guys. It may take weeks to find our home. Heck, it may even take months. But so help me...

Abby: We're here!

Otis: I knew that.

Rabbit: Sure you did!

Pip: The farmer just put someone in the barbecue! And now he's back into the field!

Otis: For another victim, no doubt!

Piglet: We're too late!

Otis: Not yet were not. We gotta save whoever is in that grill!

(They head towards the grill and Otis and Cosmo start banging it will golf clubs)

Otis: Open up! Open! Why wont you open? (getting exhausted)

Cosmo: Let's just use dynamite!

Pip: Guys, try pressing the button that say "Open".

Otis: Oh,right

(They open the grill and the sheep naked)

(The sheep shrieked)

(Our heroes shrieked too)

Sheep: Do you mind? I'm barely dressed here!

Otis: Sheep? Your not barbecued! And you don't have wool.

Sheep: The farmer clipped me with his new shearing knifes as part of my tick treatment.

Otis: Tick treatment?

Sunset Shimmer: Tick treatment?

Sheep: Why you think I'm lying here? These lights kill ticks on contact.

Otis: Its a tick killing machine? What about oily Joey and all of this olive oil?

(Joey comes in skipping)

Joey: The oil soothes your skin while you wait for your treatment. Oily,oily.

Sunset Shimmer: Well that's a relief!

Otis: The farmer was just taking care of us. Heh, you hear that, he not a carnivorous fiend. Whoo-who!

(Everyone cheered)

(Otis ran to the farmer in slow motion but accidentally crushed him in the process)

Tigger: That's gotta hurt.

Sunset Shimmer: I'll call the hospital!

(The next day)

Otis: It feels real good to be home.

Tigger: You said it.

Pip: That thing looks actually like the farm!

Otis: Really? You think?

Sunset Shimmer: Pretty sure.

Pip: The neck brace really highlights the eyes

(The real farmer comes in and falls down.)

(Pig and Cosmo eating the statue again)

Pig: Looks better without the head.

Cosmo: You said it.

Sunset Shimmer and Wanda: Cosmo!

Pip and Otis: Pig!

(Otis takes the statue)