The Irelanders' Adventures of Toy Story 3/Transcript

This is the transcript for The Irelanders' Adventures of Toy Story 3.

[The film starts with the intro of the first film, fluffy white clouds against a blue sky. The title "The Irelanders' Adventures of Toy Story 3" appears as a stick with something flaming hot on it puts the 3 on the title. The title then burns away to reveal a train chugging through a hot desert. One of the vans blows a hole in it's roof and bags of money fly out, followed by Mr. Potato Head, playing his One Eyed Bart role like in the first film, holding two more bags and laughing evilly]

One Eyed Bart: (cackles and throws one of the bags in his slot) Money, money, money.

[Just then, a lasso grabs the other bag from him and yanks it away]

One Eyed Bart: Hey!

[The lasso knocks him over. Woody walks up to him, facing downward while reeling his lasso in. He then puts his foot on Mr. Potato Head's face before lifting his head up to look at him]

One Eyed Bart: (groans)

Woody: You've got a date with justice, One Eyed Bart.

One Eyed Bart: Too bad, Sheriff! I'm a married man.

[There's a karate yell and Mrs. Potato Head, playing the role of One Eyed Bart's wife One Eyed Betty, appears wielding nun chucks]

Woody: One Eyed Betty?!

One Eyed Betty: [karate yells]

[Mrs. Potato Head attacks Woody who flips and ducks to avoid getting hit, forcing him to the back of the train until he teeters on the edge of the caboose. Then with a swing of her handbag, Mrs. Potato Head knocks Woody off the train sending him flying. Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head watch after him, Mr. Potato Head cackling in triumph]

Woody: Aah!

One Eyed Bart: [cackles with triumph then gasps when he sees something while Mrs. Potato Head looks shocked]

[Bullseye runs into view with Jessie and Woody on his back, revealing that he and Jessie caught Woody after he fall]

Jessie: I think you dropped something, mister.

One Eyed Bart: Jessie?!

Woody: Give it up, Bart! You've reached the end of the line!

One Eyed Bart: (taking out a remote detonator) I always wanted to go out with a bang!

[He gestures to a bridge nearby which has a lot of dynamite in the middle of it. Cackling, Mr. Potato Head presses the detonate button and the dynamite explodes, destroying the bridge's entire middle section]

Jessie: Oh, no!

Woody: The orphans!

[Troll toys stick their heads out of the windows]

One Eyed Bart: Hate to leave early, but our ride is here.

[A pink convertible drives into view with the three toy aliens inside, each one wearing an eyepatch]

Aliens: Oooh.

One Eyed Bart: It's me or the kiddies, sheriff! Take your pick!

[He and Mrs. Potato Head jump into the convertible which speeds off back the way it came]

Woody: Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

Jessie: Yah!

[Bullseye speeds up passing the troll toys and reaching the locomotive pulling the train]

Woody: Hold him steady!

[Woody jumps into the locomotive and pushes a lever forward. The train starts to speed up]

Jessie: Woody, hurry!

[Woody pulls another lever back, activating the brakes. However, the train fails to stop in time and plunges over the edge carrying Woody with it, much to the horror of Jessie and Bullseye, who watch helplessly]

Jessie: No!

[Just then, a flash of blue light happens and Buzz Lightyear appears, carrying the train and Woody above his head]

Buzz Lightyear: Glad I could catch the train!

Woody: Now let's catch some criminals!

Buzz: To infinity and beyond!

[He flies upward. Meanwhile, Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head drive past a sign saying Skull Canyon - All Outlaws Welcome. Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head throw coins in the air happily]

One Eyed Bart and Betty: (laughing and whooping)

Aliens: (point upon seeing something) Ooh.

[Buzz flies in from up ahead and slice the car in two with his laser, sending the Potato Heads and the Aliens tumbling over and over before settling against a wall. Woody and Jessie show up as Buzz lands beside them]

Woody: Reach for the sky.

One Eyed Bart: You can't touch me, Sheriff! I've brought my attack dog with a built in force field! (whistles)

[Slinky comes springing down from the cliff side growling]

Slinky: (growling)

One Eyed Bart: (cackling as Slinky bites his tail activating the force field)

Woody: Well, I've brought my dinosaur, who eats force field dogs!

Jessie: [yodeling]

[Jessie's yodeling cracks the ground and Rex comes out of it, roaring. He then glares at the bad guys and roars at them until a shadow looms over him]

Rex: Huh?

[Buzz, Jessie and Woody look up to a giant pig like spaceship hovering above them]

Buzz Lightyear: Evil Dr. Porkchop!

Dr Porkchop: That's Mr. Evil Dr. Porkchop to you!

One Eyed Bart: (cackling)

[One Eyed Bart and his family are teleported into the ship. Dr Porkchop presses a button that reads Death By Monkeys. A barrel drops from the ship to the ground as Jessie, Buzz and Woody make a run for it and explodes, releasing hundreds of small red monkeys. Rex tries to fend them off by roaring by they overpower him. The monkeys catch up with Jessie, Buzz and Woody and stretch them out. The ship then points its head down at them and it's nose opens revealing a cannon. One Eyed Bart reaches for a button with a skull and crossbones cackling evilly as Buzz, Jessie and Woody shut their eyes, preparing for the worst. The whole thing is soon revealed to be Andy playing with his toys while the Irelanders, who are hiding under the bed, watch]

Andy: (as Woody) Buzz! Shoot your laser at my badge! (as Buzz) Woody, no! It'll kill you! (as Woody) Just do it!

[Andy poses Buzz to make it look as if he's covering his eyes while firing his laser at the same time. Andy makes laser noises while using his finger to make it look as if the laser is reflecting off of Woody's badge and hitting the ship, causing an explosion and Mr. Potato Head, Mrs. Potato Head, Slinky, Hamm and the Aliens to fall out onto the floor]

Andy: (as Woody) You're going to jail, Bart! (as One Eyed Bart) Aah! Watch out! (continues playing until he sees his mom coming in and filming him) Mom.

Mrs Davis: No, no, no! Just keep playing. Just pretend I'm not here. (as Molly knocks over the model bridge) Oh, no. Molly.

Andy: No, it's okay, Mom. It's a.. fifty foot baby from outer space! And she's on a rampage! Run for your lives!

Mrs Davis: (laughing) Buster, get out of there! Does the red