Lightning McQueen's Adventures of Shrek/Transcript

This is the script for Lightning McQueen's Adventures of Shrek.

Going to Shrek's world/Meeting Shrek/"All Star"
[The film starts at Radiator Springs and Propwash Junction, where Team McQueen were chilling out] [Then, Jack, Cal and Pearl came as they jumped onto Rita] [Then, Rita's eyes flashed red] [Then, Turbo arrived] [The non-vehicle members puts their swamp boots on] [As for Jack, Cal and Pearl, they tried to follow the gang] [Then, Rita stopped them] [In Shrek's world, he narrates the book] [Team McQueen arrives outside] [Shrek comes out of the outhouse as he stretches his arms and looks at his home at the swamps] [Team McQueen hides as the song, "All Star", starts and Shrek begins his daily routine]
 * Lightning McQueen: This is the best day ever.
 * Rita: (slurping coconut with a straw) Yep.
 * Apple Bloom: True.
 * Dusty Crophopper: Well, at least, things can't get any worse.
 * Jack: [laughs]
 * Rita: I told you guys! I can't play right now!
 * Fluttershy: Calm down, Little Foxes.
 * Jack: Awww!
 * Cal: No fair!
 * Rita: Shouldn't you be taking a nap?
 * Pearl: We're not tired.
 * Jack: Yeah.
 * Fluttershy: Rita's right. You should get some rest.
 * Fluttershy (EG): Wouldn't want to make her angry would you?
 * Jack: Okay.
 * Cal: Alright.
 * Pearl: If you say so.
 * Rita: That's my siblings.
 * Jack: See ya.
 * Jack: (scared) AAH! (runs off)
 * Rita: [snickers] Never gets old.
 * Hugo: Good job.
 * Rita: Thank you.
 * Turbo: Guys!
 * Lightning McQueen: What is it?
 * Turbo: There's a new mission for us. It's in a swamp.
 * Rarity: A swamp?!
 * Rarity (EG): Really?!
 * James: You expect me to go into a stinky, smelly and [shudders] dirty swamp?!
 * Lightning McQueen: Just like back at Thunder Hollow Speedway Crazy 8 Demolition Derby Race.
 * Cruz Ramirez: Good ol' days.
 * Princess Luna: What if we can get our hoofshoes got muddy?
 * Rarity (EG): Seriously is that all you ever talk about?
 * Princess Celestia: Yeah.
 * Lightning McQueen: Well now's not the time for it.
 * Applejack: Make sure you put all the swamp boots on.
 * Rarity: There.
 * Rarity (EG): Perfect.
 * Lightning McQueen: Got mud tires.
 * Jack: Come on!
 * Cal: Jack, we're gonna be in so much trouble.
 * Pearl: If Rita spotted us, we're doomed!
 * Jack: Oh, come on, how hard can staying out of her sight be?
 * Rita: Ah-ah-ah, not so fast.
 * Jack: Aw, come on, sis.
 * Cal: See? I told you.
 * Rita: You three are staying here.
 * Pearl: But Rita...
 * Rita: No buts.
 * Cal: Why can't we come?
 * Rita: Because you're too young to come with us on adventures.
 * Jack: Aww.
 * Rita: I'm leaving you in Brad's care.
 * Pearl: Okay.
 * Cal: Come on, Jack.
 * Jack: Fine. [follows his brother and sister]
 * Rita: That's better.
 * Hugo: Rita. Come on.
 * Rita: Coming!
 * Shrek: (narrating) Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle, guarded by a terrible fire breathing dragon. Many brave knights attempted to free her from this dreadful prison. But none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room in the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. [rips the page out chuckling] Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of...
 * Lightning McQueen: Well, here we are.
 * Dusty Crophopper: Is the swamp?
 * Lightning McQueen: Sure.
 * Lightning McQueen: Um, excuse me?
 * Applejack: Shh! Quiet and hide, just watch Shrek during his routine.
 * Lightning McQueen: Okay. Sorry.
 * Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me
 * I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
 * She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb
 * In the shape of an "L" on her forehead
 * Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming
 * Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running
 * Didn't make sense not to live for fun
 * Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
 * So much to do so much to see
 * So what's wrong with taking the back streets
 * You'll never know if you don't go
 * You'll never shine if you don't glow
 * Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play
 * Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid

[Shrek begins his daily routine with a mud shower by filling the bucket with mud as the title, "Lightning McQueen's Adventures of Shrek" was shown and he takes a mud shower. Shrek brushes his teeth and smiles at the mirror as it breaks. Then, he jumps into a pond, farts in it and takes a fish. Shrek pushes some mud balls out of a log and takes a slug. He paints a sign, kisses it and put it up. The sign says "BEWARE ORGE"] [Meanwhile in a village, the villagers makes a plan to catch Shrek. They grab pitchfork and Shrek grabs a spoon. He eats a bowl of eyeballs while the villages were coming to the swamp. Shrek lights up a match and burps to start the fire in the fireplace while the villagers lights up the torches. Meanwhile, Shrek was sitting on his chair and eats a fish but he hears something and looks out the window to see the mob was approaching. So, Shrek sneaks behind the mob] [Shrek calmly licks his fingers to extinguishes one of the torches] [Then, Shrek roars very loudly when his breath extinguishes all of the torches until the villagers were in dark black] [The villagers screamed as they scrambled and runs off while Shrek chuckles] [Shrek then spots a wanted poster for fairy tale creatures and picks it up] [When Shrek throws the wanted poster over his shoulder and flies off, Team McQueen watches as he enters his hut while looking astonished and scared by what he'd done] [Meanwhile, Jack, Cal and Pearl sneak into Shrek's world] [Rita hears them and turns around in surprise] [Rita pushes them away] [The team settles down for the night] [Team McQueen falls asleep]
 * Rita: What's Shrek doing?
 * Apple Bloom: Oh, boy.
 * Villager #1: Think it's in there?
 * Villager #2: All right. Let's get it!
 * Villager #1: Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?
 * Villager #3: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread
 * Shrek: [laughs] Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres. They're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.
 * Villager #4: No.
 * Shrek: They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.
 * Villager #5: [waving his torch at Shrek] Back! Back, Beast! Back! I warned ya!
 * Villagers: [gasps]
 * Villager #5: Right.
 * Shrek: ROARRR!!!
 * Villagers: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
 * Shrek: (whispers) This is the part where you run away.
 * Shrek: And stay out!
 * Shrek: "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." [Sighs]
 * Lightning McQueen: That was scary.
 * Dusty Crophopper: But, Timothy was scarier than him.
 * Thomas the Tank Engine: Pffft. That ogre would be scarier than my brother any day.
 * Jack: This way.
 * Cal: There they are.
 * Rita: What?! How did you get past Brad?!
 * Jack: Well, I had a plan to sneak past Brad when he was distracting.
 * Cal: Yeah, sis.
 * Pearl: Uh, bros?
 * Rita: You're so getting grounded when this is over!
 * Jack: Aww.
 * Rita: (was in fury) YOU NEED TO SHOW SOME RESPECTS TO YOUR ELDERS!!!
 * Ligtning McQueen: Calm down, Rita, you can at least give them a chance.
 * Rita: (still angry) No, they've had more than enough chances.
 * Lightning McQueen: Oh, come on. It's just one time.
 * Rita: (getting more angry) I said no, Lightning!
 * Lightning McQueen: Whatever.
 * Rita: Back to Radiator Springs with you!
 * Jack: You're so mean, Rita.
 * Rita: You know why? Because I have to be strict with you, young man!
 * Cruz Ramirez: Rita, just once.
 * Rita: Oh, alright. But just this once.
 * Twilight Sparkle: (in Shadow's voice to Rita's siblings) You've got to learn, Fox Kits.
 * Cal: I know.
 * Pearl: Got it.
 * Rita: Listen to Twilight.
 * Jack: Got it.
 * Hugo: She is a good teacher.
 * Jack: You got it.
 * Rita: Hugo, you're so thoughtful.
 * Jack, Cal and Pearl: (singing about Rita likes Hugo) Rita likes Hugo!
 * Rita: Ugh, here they go again.
 * Jack, Cal and Pearl: Rita likes Hugo!
 * Twilight Sparkle: Alright that's enough, you three! You still have a lot to learn.
 * Jack: Yes.
 * Cal: Right.
 * Pearl: Got it.
 * Twilight Sparkle: Starlight, you'll be helping.
 * Jack: Yay!
 * Starlight Glimmer: Okay.
 * Jack: Whoo!
 * Cal: Yeah!
 * Pearl: Yay!
 * Gallus: This is gonna be awesome.
 * Rita: Yeah. Keeps them off my back for a while.
 * Skarloey: I agree.
 * Lightning McQueen: Night, everyone.

The Fairytale Creatures got captured/Shrek meets Donkey
[The next morning, some Fairytale Creatures were captured] [A gray Donkey named Donkey was watching] [Donkey sees three bears in cages] [Gepetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table] [Donkey just looks up at her] [The Old Lady nearly gets arrested as she accidentally knocks a jar of [Donkey falls right onto the ground] [Elsewhere, Team McQueen woke up and got out of the tents] [Back in the woods] [Then, Donkey bumps into Shrek who was hanging up a poster at the time] [As Donkey hides behind Shrek, Team McQueen appears] [The captain turns around and sees the guards are gone. Shrek gives him a creepy smile and the captain runs away] [Shrek walks off] [He then turns again and sees Donkey and the team in front of him] [Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very loudly]
 * Guard #1: keep moving!
 * Guard: Get up! Come on!
 * Guard #2: Get in there! Be quiet!
 * Old Lady: Keep moving.
 * Guard #2: Take it away.
 * Baby bear: This cage is too small!
 * Donkey: Oh, please don't turn me. I'll never be stubborn again! I can change! Please, please, give me another chance!
 * Old Lady: Oh shut Up! [smakes Donkey]
 * Donkey: Oh.
 * Head guard: Next! What have you got?
 * Gepetto: This little wooden puppet.
 * Pinocchio: I’m not a puppet. I’m a real boy. (his nose grows)
 * Head guard: 5 shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.
 * Pinocchio: Father, please! Don’t let them do this! Help me!
 * Head guard: Next! What have you got?
 * Old Lady: Well, I’ve got a talking donkey.
 * Head guard: Right. Well, that’s good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.
 * Old Lady: Oh, go ahead, little fella.
 * Head Guard: Well.
 * Old Lady: Oh, oh, he’s just… he’s just a little nervous. He’s really quite a chatterbox. (to Donkey) Talk, you boneheaded dolt-!
 * Head Guard: That's it, I've heard enough. Guards!
 * Old Lady: No, no, he talks. He does. [moving Donkey's lips] "Did I talk? Oh I love to talk! I'm the talkingest darn thing you ever saw!
 * Head Guard: Get her out of my sight.
 * Old Woman: No, no! I swear! He can talk!
 * Donkey: Hey! I can fly!
 * Peter Pan (Shrek): He can fly!
 * Three Little Pigs: He can fly!
 * Head Guard: He can talk?!
 * Donkey: Yeah, that's right fool! Now I'm a flying talking donkey! You may have seen a house fly maybe even a super fly! But I bet you ain't seen a donkey fly! Ah-ha! [starts to fall] Uh-oh!
 * Guard #1: Seize him!
 * Donkey: Aah!
 * Rheneas: Morning.
 * Pinkie Pie: Good morning.
 * Fluttershy: Morning.
 * Lightning McQueen: Morning, guys.
 * Rita: (yawning)
 * Jack: Morning.
 * Thomas the Tank Engine: Good morning.
 * Donkey: [panting]
 * Shrek: Hey!
 * Donkey: Just pretend I'm not here.
 * Rita: Hey!
 * Mack: Backoff!
 * Lightning McQueen: I don't know who you are but you'd better back off right now!
 * Putt Putt: Mr. Wheely is a master in running people down!
 * Guard: By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you all under arrest, and transport you to a designated, resettlement facility.
 * Applejack: Well, that ain't happenin'.
 * Shrek: Yeah. And who do you think is gonna make us? You and what army?
 * Mater: Whoo-hoo-hoo! That showed them!
 * Pearl: Yep! No doubt about it.
 * Donkey: Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin’ back here. Incredible!
 * Shrek: Are you talking to.... [sees that Donkey and Team McQueen are gone] Me?
 * Donkey: Yes. I was talkin’ to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin’ over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.
 * Shrek: Oh, that’s great. Really.
 * Donkey: Man, it’s good to be free.
 * Shrek: Now, why don’t you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?
 * Donkey: But, uh, I don’t have any friends. And I’m not goin’ out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I’ll stick with you. You’re mean, green, fightin’ machine. Together we’ll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.
 * Rita: [screams and hides behind James in fright]
 * Mater: Dad-gum!
 * Donkey: Wow! That was really scary!

That night/Enter Lord Farquaad/Choosing a Princess
[

Going to the castle/Encountering the Dragon/Meeting Fiona/Escape from the Dragon
[At the sunflower field] [Shrek walks around Donkey] [Shrek puts Hugo on one spot then keeps on walking]
 * Donkey: Let me get this straight: You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp, which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks. Is that about right?
 * Shrek: You know, maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.
 * Mater:
 * Donkey: I don't get it, Shrek. Why don't you pull some of that ogre stuff on him? You know, throttle him, lay siege to his fortress. Grind his bones to make your bread. You know, that whole ogre trip?
 * Shrek: Oh. I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put thier heads on a pike. Gotten a knife, cut open thier spleen and drink thier fluids. Does that sound good to you?
 * Donkey: Uhhh. No, not really. No.
 * Shrek: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres then people think.
 * Rita: Example?
 * Shrek: Example? Okay. Umm... Ogres are like onions. [
 * Donkey: They stink?
 * Shrek: Yes... No!
 * Donkey: Or they make you cry?
 * Shrek: No!
 * Donkey: Oh, you leave them out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs.
 * Shrek: No! Layers! [] Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. [sighs then leaves]
 * Luke:
 * Mater: I get it too. Unlike most everyone, Matau and his master did like onions.
 * Donkey: Yeah. Not everyone likes onions. Cake! [] Everybody likes cakes! Cakes have layers.
 * Shrek: I don't care... what everyone likes. Ogres are not like cakes.
 * Donkey: You know what else everyone likes? Parfaits. Have you met a person you say "Hey, let's get some parfaits.", they say "Heck no, I don't like no parfaits"? Parfaits are delicious.
 * Shrek: No! You dence, irritating, minature piece of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story! [to Hugo] Bye-bye! See you later.
 * Donkey: Parfaits maybe the most delicious thing on the whole darn planet.
 * Shrek: You know, I think I preferred your humming.
 * Donkey: Do you have a tissue or something?
 * Sally: Why, Donkey?
 * Donkey: I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start slobbering.
 * Spike: Eeww.