The Opening/Car Chase

Here is how the opening and the big car chase goes into Lightning McQueen, Ed, Edd 'n Eddy's Big Picture Show.

[A long-shot view of the cul-de-sac is seen. It looks peaceful and quiet. The title flashes on the screen: Lightning McQueen, Ed Edd n Eddy's BIG PICTURE SHOW]

[A backyard is shown. There is a kiddie pool set up with a toy boat gently rocking in it. Behind the pool is a clothesline, strung with clothes.]

[A sprinkler is watering Kevin's lawn. Kevin's bike is leaned against the garage. A close-up is shown of the sprinkler moving back and forth before looking at another house across the street.]

[Rolf's tractor is sitting abandoned in a field of weeds. Rolf seems to have been mowing the lawn before suddenly stopping for some unknown reason. The wind blows, and some dandelion seeds come loose and float to another lawn, where a checkers game seems to have been in progress. A half-finished bottle of soda and a can of wood varnish occupy each end of the board.]

[An abandoned basketball is seen next to a game of hopscotch. Strangely, the number on the end is 62, and the square is incomplete. Following said trail, we find some broken chalk, two abandoned shoes, a skateboard with the wheels still rolling, and a dropped ice-cream cone on which ants are crawling. Lightning flashes, and we see the lane, utterly destroyed. A silhouette of Nazz can be seen splattered against one fence along with various debris, including a bag of cement, spilled black paint, an oven mitt, a toaster, and a cinder block with a balloon tied to it. The camera moves back to the ants, crawling on the ice cream, before the lightning crashes again and we see more of the lane, replete with footprints, downed trees, and boxes. Among the destroyed items are a record and a bowling ball. We then see the ants again before getting a long shot of the destroyed area. In addition to the lane, a house has suffered remarkable damage, and there is even an ice cream truck in its backyard. Not only this, but a water main has broken, flooding an area near the woods, and there is strangely enough a broken canoe by another house.]

[Ed bursts into his room, knocking the door off its hinges and into the back wall. He spots it and tries to run through it but instead runs into the bricks that make up his basement. Stumbling backwards, he spots his shoe and rips it off before trying to get his sock off with his teeth. As he works to get it loose, he hops around his room, destroying it. Finally getting his sock off, Ed grabs two comics and Baron O' Beefdip.]

Ed: "Trouble! Bad!" [He grabs a stack of random junk.] "Pain!"

[Ed puts some bread in a toaster and sets it to go off before grabbing a bag and stuffing it full. Spotting his chair, Ed shakes the assorted items and the stuffing out of it into the bag and shoves the chair into the bag. He then rushes into the bathroom and tears down the drywall to reveal his sponge collection. The toast pops up, and Ed quickly grabs the hot bread, butters it, and tosses it into his bag. He pulls the bag out of the wall and grabs his sponges before running off.]

[Sarah cuts a hole in a cardboard box and looks through it.]

Sarah: "Okay, Jimmy. Ready?" [She turns the camera to Jimmy, who is dressed like a pirate.] "Aaaand...action!"

Jimmy: "Okay. Arr! Avast thee, barnacle-ridden bully! For I, the great pirate, Keelhaul Crewstain, will swash your buckle, and yardarm your sealeg!" [Sarah, the cameraman and director, looks up unhappily.]

Sarah: "Cut, cut, cut cut!" [through a megaphone] "What the heck was that? C'mon, say it like you mean it! You're a bloodthirsty scourge of the seven seas, silly!" [Jimmy thinks, trying to find his inner pirate.]

Jimmy: "I found it, Sarah!"

Sarah: "Aaaand...action!"

[A huge explosion rocks the set. Ed has just burst out of the house. Spotting Sarah and Jimmy, he jumps up and grabs his sponges.]

Ed: "Save yourselves!" [He hugs the sponges.] "Be free, dear friends!" [Ed casts the sponges skyward, grabs his bag, and runs off.] "Trouble! Bad! Pain!"

[Sarah and Jimmy look at each other, confused by Ed's behavior.]

[Edd is in his room, whimpering. A bunch of clothes are on his bed, next to an empty suitcase. He is trying to write a goodbye note.]

Edd: "Beloved parents. By the time you read this, I will be long–far–oh dear." [He picks up the note, folds it, and puts it in the trash along with many other failed attempts before starting again.] "Dearest Mother and Father. It is with great sh-shame..." [Edd puts down his pen and begins to cry. Pulling himself together] "That I regretfully con-fess...to..." [a few tears leak out] "I regretfully confess to my involvement in the inexcusable, unconscionable, reprehensible, abhorrent, detrimental, detestable, incomprehensible, immoral, thoughtless, impossible, hurtful–" [Edd's writing goes jagged, and he stops and wails.] "Oh, what have we done! GGGGAAAAAAAHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

[Edd gives in to his tears. Suddenly, his door bursts open. Edd looks behind him and sees a worried Ed.]

Ed: "Dah-houble D!"

[Eddy is shoving things into his suitcase. He finishes and tries to slam the overstuffed case shut. When he finally does so, he tries to lift it, but finds it too heavy. Suddenly, it bursts open, scattering its contents all over the room. Eddy lies there. He gets up just as a banging comes at the door. Eddy leaps up, terrified. He grabs the vacuum cleaner and affects a falsetto.]

Eddy: [imitating his mother] "Um, my little Eddy's not home right now!"

[The door flies open.]

Eddy: "DON'T HURT ME!" [He dives behind the vacuum cleaner.]

Ed: [running in] "Trouble! Bad!"

[Ed trips over the vacuum and lands on Eddy.]

Eddy: "It wasn't my fault, I swear!" [He realizes who it is.] "Ed, you idiot!" [packing again] "I thought it was those sore losers!"

Ed: [panicking] "What do we do, Eddy? What do we do?"

Eddy: "What happened to Sockhead?"

[Ed reaches into his bag and pulls out Edd.]

Eddy: "Here, hold this!" [He hands the suitcase to Edd.]

Edd: "We're fugitives, Eddy! Are you aware of the consequences we're about to endure? All because of our misguided chicanery!"

Tino Tonitini: What's going on?

Edd: Eddy will explain later.

[The Eds, and the Weekenders Adventures Team see a shadow pass by the blinds.]

Eddy: "Too late! Quick, my brother's room!"

[The Eds rush out of Eddy's room and head down the hall. They come to the front door and skid to a halt; something outside is hammering on it, trying to get in. Eddy quickly directs them upstairs. The door bursts open behind them, but the Eds continue running. They find the room, and Eddy begins to open the door.]

[The door creaks open, and Eddy peeks in. He looks around. Seeing nobody, he enters.]

Edd: [following him in] "Eddy, do you think this is wise?"

Eddy: "They'll never find us in here!" [He rummages through the closet.] "Ah-ha!" [He tapes the wallpaper to the door.] "Ssh!" [Eddy closes the door.]

[The lights click on in the room. Eddy proceeds to do all the locks. The Eds huddle together in the center of the room, waiting for the coming storm and hoping it will pass them by.]

Eddy: [whispering] "This is all your fault, Sockhead!"

Edd: [whispering, shocked] "My fault? Funny, isn't it, how it's always my fault when yet another of your amazing scams goes awry!"

Eddy: [whispering] "Yeah, well, I didn't see you stop me! You shoulda known it would go bad!"

Ed: "Boy, did it go bad."

[They stop talking. There's a creaking and some noises outside. Eddy looks up and spots a congratulatory glass on top of the fridge. He pushes Edd to the door, and a piece of toast falls off Edd's back. Eddy then hands Edd the glass and gestures for him to use it to listen. Edd puts the glass to the door and his ear to the glass while Eddy stashes himself in Ed's pocket. All three Eds are sweating as they listen for any noise. Suddenly, a crunch comes, and Edd's eyes turn inwards. Eddy looks up and sees Ed eating the toast. Edd, now standing in a puddle of his own sweat, drops the glass. The door starts to buckle as something pounds on it.]

Ed: "We are not long for this world!"

[Ed darts around the room, trying to find shelter.]

Edd: "The window!"

[Edd rushes over and parts the curtains only to find that it's been bricked up.]

Eddy: "What's with my brother and these stupid bricks?!?"

[Edd and Eddy stumble backwards and trip over the rug. It rolls up, revealing a vent.]

Edd: "Eddy, look! This heat vent will lead to an escape!"

Ed: [on the camel] "Over here, guys! My lumpy mutated horsie will save us!"

[The wooden bar breaks, and a foot kicks through the doorknob.]

Edd: "Eddy! The door won't hold for much longer!"

Eddy: [panicked] "Don't just stand there! Do something!"

[Edd grabs onto Eddy and pulls, trying to work the grate loose. He looks over to Ed, who is trying to get the camel to run.]

Ed: "Giddy-up, horsie! Do not let your mutated lump slow you down!"

[Ed falls off the camel and slams into the wall. He hits what looks like a fire alarm and slides down. Edd and Eddy, meanwhile, finally get the vent cover loose, and Eddy leaps in only to find that his brother bricked up the vents as well.]

Eddy: "More bricks Double D!"

Ed: "Ooh ooh oh! This-a-way, guys!" [He shows them the alarm.] "Look!"

Edd: [reading] "In case of movie break glass?"

Eddy: "Bingo!" [He grabs the provided hammer and breaks the case.] "My bro's always prepared!" [He reaches inside and pulls out a peanut.] "A peanut?"

Ed: "Cheap movie."

[An arm reaches through the space where the doorknob used to be. It feels the chains before reaching down and lifting one of the bolts. The door creaks open a little more, and we see the kids, straining to get into the room.]

Kevin: "Lemme through! End of the line, dorks!" [Ed grabs the peanut with his teeth.]

Eddy: "It was just a scam, Double D! How did it go so wrong?"

Edd: [scared] "Eddy, the laws of probability can be a real mean–"

Ed: [garbled] "Just my mouth!"

[Ed bites down on the nut, and the shell cracks, revealing a key.]

Edd: "Eddy! A key!"

[The kids strain at the door.]

Eddy: "It must be for my brother's car!"

[A piece of the door breaks loose. Eddy scrambles into the drivers seat.]

Edd: "Eddy, we're too young to drive!"

Eddy: "Get in, get in!"

[Ed dives into the backseat while Edd rides shotgun. Eddy fumbles with the key.]

Eddy: "Come on!"

[He finally puts it in the ignition. He turns it, and the engine barely coughs. Eddy tries again, and the engine coughs again.]

Edd: "It's no use, Eddy!"

Eddy: [trying again] "It ain't workin!"

[The chains break as Rolf slams his head through the door.]

Rolf: "Rolf's vengeance will be slow and painful, like Papa's charcoal anecdotes, Ed-boys!"

[Rolf crashes through the door, and Nazz, Kevin, Jonny, and Plank follow him in.]

Edd and Eddy: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!

Ed: I am Ed! [smashes through the car's under carriage with his legs] Cheese and macaroni!

[Ed runs forward. The kids grab on to the car as it breaks through the doorway and smashes through the second floor, sailing outside. The impact with the wall shakes the kids off, and they fall on the grass outside Eddy's house.]

Nazz: "They're getting away, guys!"

[The car twists onto the road and slams into a hydrant before turning and running into a garage. It then backs up and goes through a fence. Rolf, meanwhile, lets out a piercing whistle, and his pig gallops up.]

Rolf: "Peel your onions Ed-boy!" [sinister] "And cry." [getting on Wilfred] "There is no escaping the son of a shepherd!" [He rides off in hot pursuit.]

Kevin: "Right behind you, man."

[Kevin and Nazz take off after Rolf. Sarah and Jimmy peek out from behind a house.]

Sarah: "Let's go see, Jimmy!"

[Sarah and Jimmy race to the sidewalk just in time to see the car go by, followed immediately by Kevin, on his bike; Rolf, on his pig; and Nazz, running after them.]

Sarah: [gleefully] "Yowzers! Whaddya think they did this time, Jimmy?"

Jimmy: "Whatever it was, it must be worser than ever!"

[The Eds trundle down the road.]

Edd: "I think I'm gonna be sick!"

Eddy: "Not in my brother's car, you're not!"

[Plank, ripped and torn and almost destroyed, tumbles onto the windshield.]

Edd and Eddy: "WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

Ed: "BBBWWWWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"

[Ed swerves, scared out of his mind. The car almost hits Jonny.]

Johnny: [angry and scared] "Let em have it buddy!"

[Rolf and Kevin ride into a field. Kevin skids his bike to a stop. The car jumps, and lands on the fences bordering the lane. Rolf chases them. He gets close, and pulls on Wilfred's ears to coax out more speed. Wilfred speeds up, and they approach the car's rear. Eddy meanwhile looks out of the window. He looks down, and his eyes bulge. The wheels are just barely staying on the top of the fence. One false move, and they will fall to their quite probable deaths.]

Edd: [lamenting] "So much undone! Unsaid! Mother and Father will be so annoyed!"

Ed: "Yowch!"

[Rolf has clamped down on Ed's leg with his teeth. The only thing propelling the car now is pure momentum.]

Ed: "They got me, guys!" [He begins to slip out.] "I'm a goner! Save yourselves!" [Ed is close to being dragged out.] "Don't forget about me!" [Ed falls out of the car.] "See ya."

Edd and Eddy: "Ed!"

[Edd and Eddy each grab an arm and pull. They painstakingly yank Ed back into the still-moving car, although Rolf refuses to let go. Suddenly, Ed's leg slips out of Rolf's teeth, and the Eds slip back into the car. At this moment, they reach the end of the fence and fly out over a dumpster.]

Rolf: "Curse you Ed-boys!"

[Rolf slams into the dumpster. The car sails into the woods, hitting many trees along the way and snapping them. The Eds scream as they go through the woods and fly over a ravine into the junkyard. The wheels continue to carry them forward until Ed resumes his position as the motor and runs again. They pass by a mountain of trash.]

[Kevin is on top of a mountain of junk with his bike. He sees the Eds pass and snarls.]

[Nazz is skating down the lane. She finds the dumpster with Rolf's indentation and stops. Rolf is nowhere to be seen. Jonny then runs up carrying Plank. He is out-of-breath.]

[Eddy peers over the steering wheel as they rush through the junkyard. Suddenly, Kevin slams their vehicle from the left, shaking them and sending them skidding.]

Ed: "Oh, help me!"

Edd: "Oh dear, now what?!?"

[Eddy looks out the window and spots Kevin. Kevin then hits them again, and the car once again skids.]

Eddy: "He's a maniac, I tell ya!"

[Kevin slams them a third time, and this time they spin in circles. The car hits another mountain of trash, and this acts like a ramp. The car leaps into the air and slips upside down. As it does this, Edd turns green, and Eddy flies past him and out the window, still clinging to the wheel. The car lands on two wheels and continues to drive this way. Eddy is on the right side and is forced to run with the car. The car turns left, and Kevin follows. Rolf brings up the rear, having managed to rejoin the chase.]

Rolf: "Run like well-worn stockings, Wilfred!"

[Ed releases the car door briefly and grabs at the steering wheel. He spins it rapidly, pulling Eddy inside. Ed then grabs at the door and continues to run. They reach the edge of the junkyard and crash through the fence. The Eds reach Peach Creek Estates and blast through it, on the way wrecking some of the incomplete structures. Nazz and Jonny rejoin the chase.]

Rolf: "Prepare for Rolf's water-laden bovine bladder!"

Jonny: "Plank's freaking out!"

Eddy: "Double D! You got any bright ideas?"

[Edd is puking into a paper bag.]

Kevin: "How do you like your faces? Fried or scrambled?"

[The Eds look up with a start. Kevin is on their left. Kevin then rips the door open.]

Eddy: "Ed! The door! The door, Lumpy!"

Rolf: "Rolf will assist you with the Ed-boy flogging Kevin!" [He grabs Wilfred and they roll forward like a wheel.]

Nazz: "Go Rolf go!"

[Ed manages to shut the door, tearing it away from Kevin. Eddy locks it and begins to roll up the window.]

Edd: "Ed! Fingers!"

[Ed jerks his fingers back as the window closes. Kevin leaps onto the car, and his bike wheels off, coming to a stop against a sawhorse, perfectly parked. Rolf's wheel slams into the back of the car, and he and Wilfred fly upward. The pig lands on the roof, and Rolf lands on the hood. Nazz reaches their back and grabs onto the open trunk.]

Kevin: [groping for them] "You're going down, dudes."

[The Eds look up and spot Wilfred's tail acting like a bottle opener on the roof. Rolf lifts the pig and tears the roof on, and the faces of the Eds' enemies leer in.]

Kevin: "Time for payback!"

Jonny: "Plank wants first crack at em!"

Rolf: "Rolf will use their hides as a crutch for Nana's goiter!"

Nazz: "Like, thanks for the help up here, guys? Duh!"

Ed: "It wasn't me! Eddy did it." [He ducks into his jacket.]

Eddy: "In your dreams! It was Double D."

[Eddy ducks into Ed's sleeve. Edd is about to say something when he sees that they are approaching the playground.]

Edd: "Um, excuse me. I'll be right back."

[Edd leans out the window and grabs onto the merry-go-round. Centrifugal force is quick to act on the car, as the kids are pushed away from it. Wilfred is the first to fly off.]

Jonny: "Hang on buddddyyyy!"

[The roof tears off, and Rolf, Nazz, Jonny, and Plank fly away.]

Kevin: "You dorks ain't seen the last of me!!!"

[Kevin is torn off by the pressure, and he flies off and slams into the slide. At this point, the pressure on Edd is too great, and he lets go of the merry-go-round as well. The car flies into the air and over the wood. Kevin runs after them, carrying a metal pipe.]

Kevin: "DOOOOORRRRRKKKKKKKSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" [He throws the pipe away.]

[As Kevin screams at the sky, the camera moves back to the park.]

Nazz: "Kevin!"

[Jonny is stuck in a hole in the road.]

Nazz: "Kevin! Where are you!"

[Jonny escapes the hole.]

Kevin: [ranting] "I can't believe it! I almost had em! We can't let this go, man. Not after what they did!"

[Sarah and Jimmy tiptoe up to watch the show.]

Nazz: "What do we do now? Wait for them to come back?" [Kevin helps her up, and she begins to cry.] "'Cause I got like a million things to do! Hair extensions, exfoliating scrubs, spray tan, fingernails glued and polished, a pustule of–"

Rolf: "Shed tears no more, fussbucket Nazz-girl. Rolf will unearth the Ed-boys and squash them like the parasite that infests Wilfred's tuchis! This is Rolf's word! Dawg?"

Nazz: "They're gonna wish they never messed with Nazz Van Bartonschmeer!"

Jonny: "I ain't goin near that one with a ten-foot pole, buddy."

Plank:

Jonny: "Say what?"

Plank:

Jonny: [whispering] "You're reading my mind, Plank! It's time to call in the special forces."

Kevin: "Those thieves could've got far. I'm getting my bike!" [He walks off.]

Rolf: "Yes! Rolf will draw forth the–"

Nazz: "Wait up Kev!" [She hurries after him.]

Rolf: "Rolf will draw forth the pitchfork of retribution!" [Jonny sneaks away.] "The Ed-boys shall riddle Rolf's rind no more! Wilfred! To the shed!"

[Wilfred pops out of the ground and heads towards Rolf, squealing. Sarah and Jimmy watch.]

Sarah: "Pigs are so gross."

Jimmy: "Golly gosh, Sarah, they're gonna hunt down the Eds! What on earth did they do?"

Sarah: "I don't know, Jimmy."

Jimmy: "Think of what they'll do to them, Sarah! It'll be worse than soap in your eye! Worser than polyester chafing!"

Sarah: "Let's have a picnic and watch!"

Jimmy: [after a pause] "Oh yay, Sarah! I wouldn't miss this Ed-thrashing for all the shoulder pads in the world!"

[The two giggle and walk off.]