The Tournement

[trumpeting]

Prince John: [snickering] Hiss, this is a red-letter day. A coup d'état, to coin a Norman phrase.

Sir Hiss: Oh, yes, indeed, sire. Your plan to capture Robin Hood in public is sheer genius. [chuckling]

Prince John: Hiss, no one sits higher than the king. Must I remind you, Hiss? [clicking tongue]

Sir Hiss: Oh, oh, forgive me, sire. [stuttering] I didn't mean to...

Prince John: My trap is baited and set... ...and then revenge! Ah, revenge!

Sir Hiss: Shh! Not so loud, sire. Remember, only you and I know, and your secret is my secret.

Prince John: Stop! [giggles] Stop hissing in my ear. Secret? What secret?

Sir Hiss: Why, the capture of Robin Hood, sire.

Prince John: That insolent blackguard. Ooh! I'll show him who wears the crown!

Sir Hiss: I share your loathing, sire. That scurrilous scoundrel who fooled you with that silly disguise, who dared to rob you and made you look utterly ridiculous...

Prince John: Enough! Hiss, you deliberately dodged.

Sir Hiss: But... But... Sire, please.

Prince John: Stop sniveling and hold still. (punches his head)

Sir Hiss: Thank you, sire.

Marian: Oh, Klucky, I'm so excited. But how will I recognize him?

Lady Kluck: Oh, he'll let you know somehow. That young rogue of yours is full of surprises, my dear.

Robin: There she is, Little John. Isn't she beautiful?

Little John: Cool it, lover boy. Your heart's runnin' away with your head.

Robin: Oh, stop worrying. This disguise would fool my own mother.

Little John: [chuckling] Yeah, but your mom ain't here. You gotta fool old bushel britches.

(Sheriff appears)

Franklin: All right, everybody. Beaver, Goose, Fox, Snail, Rabbit, Skunk, Raccoon, Slyly and I will go with Robin.

Robin: Sheriff, Your Honor?

Sheriff: Yeah.

Robin: (shaking hands with him) Meetin' ya face-to-face is a real treat. A real treat.

Sheriff: Well, now, thank you. [chuckling] Oh, excuse me. I gotta go win this tournament.

Little John: Hey, old Rob's not a bad actor. But wait till he sees this scene I lay on Prince John.

Bear: Ok. This the only chance. Come.

( Franklin's family, Bear, Badger, Leonard and Babar, Rataxes and their families walk with Little John)

Little John: Ah! Me lord. My esteemed royal sovereign of the realm. The head man himself. You're beautiful.

Prince John: [laughs] He has style, eh, Hiss? [speaks French]

Little John: [laughing] You took the words right out of my mouth, PJ.

Prince John: "PJ"! I like that. Do you know I do? Hiss, put it on my luggage. PJ. [guffawing] PJ. Yes.

Sir Hiss: Hmph! And you? Who might you be, sir?

Little John: I am Sir Reginald, duke of Chutney.

Babar: I am King Gill. And this is Queen Ashley, Princes Tom, Cornelius and Princesses Sara and Elizabeth.

Bear: I am Sir Theodore.

Beaver: I'm Darla, Princess of Cardiff.

Badger: I am Princess of Blaenavon, Molly.

Leonard: My name is King Cayman of Glasgow.

Rataxes: We are King David, Queen Briana, Prince Howard and Butler Bill of Stonehaven.

Franklin's dad: I'm Duke Sherman. This is Duchess Abby of Persh. (in Little John's voice) And don't stick your tongue out at me, kid.

Little John: And now, Your Mightiness, allow me to lay some protocol on you.

Prince John: Oh, no. Uh, forgive me, but I lose more jewels that way than... Please sit down.

Little John: Thanks, PJ. (sits down) Couldn't get a better seat than this, could you? The royal box. Oh! Hey! Hey, wait a minute! What's... Oh, excuse me, buster.

Sir Hiss: "Buster"? You, sir, have taken my seat.

(Prince John and Little John laugh)

Prince John: Hiss, with you around, who needs a court jester? [Prince John continues laughing] Now get out there and keep your snake eyes open for you know who.

Sir Hiss: You... You mean, I... I'm being dismissed?

Little John: You heard His Mightiness. Move it, creepy. Get lost. Begone, long one.

Sir Hiss: What cheek! "Creepy"? "Buster"? "Long one"? Who does that dopey duke think he is?

Allan-a-Dale: Now, he's up to somethin', Friar.

Friar Tuck: Yeah. Come on!

(trumpets)

(The archers march)

Robin: Ah, Your Ladyship. Beggin' your pardon, but it's a great honor to be shootin' for the favor of a lovely lady like yourself. I hopes I win the kiss.

Marian: Oh! (looking at Robin's eyes) Well, thank you, my thin-legged archer. [giggling] I wish you luck... [whispering] with all my heart.

Sir Hiss: [echoing] Hmm... I wonder.

Man: Your Highness, with your royal permission, we are ready to begin.

Prince John: Proceed, captain!

Captain: The tournament of the golden arrow will now begin.

[crowd cheers]

[trumpeting]

[drumroll]

(The archers shoot the target)

[crowd cheers]

[whistles]

(The archers shoot them again)

Toby: Yay, Dad!

[crowd boos]

(Robin shoots an arrow to the target)

[crowd cheers]

Prince John: A perfect bull's-eye. Well, well.

Little John: [chuckling] That's what you call pullin' it back and lettin' it go, PJ.

Robin: I'm gonna win that golden arrow, and then I'm gonna present meself to the lovely Maid Marian and...

Sheriff: Sheriff: Listen, scissorbill, if you shoot half as good as you blabbermouth, you're better'n Robin Hood.

Robin: Robin Hood, he says! Wowee! I'm tiptop, all right, but I'm not as good as he is.

(Robin shoots the target again)

[crowd cheers]

Little John: That kid's got class. Ain't he, PJ?

Prince John: Indeed he has, Reggie. [chuckles] Bravo! Uh, bravo! Yes.

Franklin: I hope Robin will win this arrow.

Robin: Oh, um, by the way. I hear you're havin' a bit of trouble gettin' your hands on that Robin Hood.

Sheriff: He's scared of me, that's what he is. You notice he didn't show up here today. Huh! I could spot him through them phony disguises.

Sir Hiss: [echoing] It's him! It's Robin Hood! I just can't wait till I tell His Majesty. [chuckling]

(Friar Tuck shoots an arrow to pop the balloon and Sir Hiss falls)

(Friar Tuck puts him into the barrel)

Sir Hiss: Unhand me, you... [grunts] Please, please! I don't drink!

[sloshing]

Captain: (pulling the arrows out) Attention, everyone. The final contestants are... ...the honorable sheriff of Nottingham... [crowd boos] ...and the spindle-legged stork from Devonshire. [crowd cheers]

Prince John: My dear, I suspect you favor the gangly youth, hmm?

Marian: Uh, why, yes, sire. Well, at least he amuses me.

Prince John: [laughs] Coincidently, my dear young lady, he amuses me too.

Stromboli: Look. It's that turtle. It reminds me of Franklin.

Syndrome: If that outlaw wins, we'll be ready for it.

Captain: For the final shootout, move the target back three paces.

Sheriff: You heard him, Nutsy! Get goin'! Move it, you birdbrain. And remember what you're supposed to do.

Nutsy: Yes, sir, sheriff, sir.

(Sheriff shoots an arrow)

Celeste: Oh! That Sheriff!

[crowd boos]

Sheriff: [chuckling] Well, that shot wins the golden arrow, the kiss and the whole caboodle.

(Sheriff makes his bow accidentally point up and him shoot higher)

[crowd gasps]

(Robin shoots the last arrow to make another one fly down to the target)

[crowd cheers]

Friar Tuck: Yay! He did it, he did it, he did it!

Slyly: (in Timothy's voice) Wee! He did it! He did it!

[whispering]

(Robin walks to Prince John)

Prince John: Archer, I commend you, and because of your superior skill, you shall get what is coming to you. Our royal congratulations.

Robin: Oh, thank you kindly, Your Highness. Meetin' you face-to-face, Your High and Mighty, is a real treat.

Prince John: Release the royal fingers. Ah! And now I name you the winner, or, more appropriately... - [snickers]... the loser!

[crowd exclaims]

Prince John: Seize him.

(The guards seize Robin)

Franklin: (in Young Bambi's voice) Leave him alone!

Stromboli: Oh, I'm afraid I can't do that. (Stromboli pushes him into the cage) There, this will be your home where I can find you always!

Franklin: (in Pinocchio's voice) No, no, no!

Stromboli: Yes, yes, yes! To me… you are belonging. We will tour the world. Paris, London, Monte Carlo, “Constantinopolee”…

Franklin: (in Pinocchio's voice) No, no!

Stromboli: Yes! We start tonight!

Prince John: I sentence you to sudden, instant and even immediate death!

Marian: [gasps] Oh, no! Oh! Please. Please, sire. I beg of you to spare his life. Please have mercy.

Prince John: My dear emotional lady, why should I?

Marian: Because I love him, Your Highness.

Prince John: Love him? And does this prisoner return your love?

Robin: Marian, my darling, I love you more than life itself.

Prince John: (chuckles) Ah, young love. Your pleas have not fallen upon a heart of stone... ...but traitors to the crown must die!

Robin: Traitor to the crown? That crown belongs to King Richard. Long live King Richard!

Crowd: Long live King Richard!

Prince John: Enough! I am king! King! King! Ah! Off with his head!

Franklin: (in Pinocchio's voice) Let me outta here! I can’t be here, you can’t keep me!

Stromboli: Quiet! Shut up! Before I knock-a you silly!

(drumming)

Marian: [sniffling] Oh, no.

Prince John: Stop! Executioner, stop! Hold your ax!

Little John: OK, big shot. Now tell them to untie my buddy, or I'll...

Prince John: [grunts] Sheriff, release my buddy... [grunts] I mean, release the prisoner!

Sheriff: Untie the prisoner?

Lady Kluck: You heard what he said, bushel britches.

Prince John: Sheriff, I make the rules, and since I am the head man... Not so hard, you mean thing. Let them go, for heaven's sakes! Let them go!

Lady Kluck: Yee-hee! Love conquers all!

[crowd cheers]

Franklin: Dad!

Franklin's dad: Franklin. (hugs him)

Franklin: Oh, Dad.

Robin: I owe my life to you, my darling.

Marian: I couldn't have lived without you, Robin.

Sheriff: There's somethin' funny goin' on around here.

Little John: Now, PJ, tell my pal to kiss Maid Marian or I've just found a new pincushion.

Sheriff: Why, you!

Prince John: Kill him! Don't stand there! Kill him!

(The heroes fight Prince John's soldiers)

Prince John: Don't hurt me! No, no! Don't hurt me! Help! Help! [gasping] Kill him!

Lady Kluck: Run for it, lassie! This is no place for a lady!

[Soldier screams]

[Sheriff moans]

Lady Kluck: Take that, you scoundrel.

Marian: Help! Robin, help!

(Robin grabs her when he swings)

Robin: Marian, my love, will you marry me?

Marian: Oh, darling, I thought you'd never ask me. [chuckles] But you could've chosen a more romantic setting.

Robin: And for our honeymoon, London...

Marian: Yesli!

Robin: ...Normandy! Sunny Spain!

Marian: Yes! Why not?

Little John: Ooh, what a main event this is. [Little John chuckles]

[Lady Kluck shouting]

Little John: What a beautiful brawl.

[guard shouts]

Little John: Hey! Who's drivin' this flyin' umbrella?

(Robin fights a soldier)

Robin: We'll have six children.

Marian: Six? Oh, a dozen at least. [chuckling] Take that!

Captain: Attention, everyone.

[horn blares]

[trumpeting, grunting]

Prince John: Stop the girl! Ooh!

Lady Kluck: Take that, you scurvy knave!

Prince John: Seize the fat one!

[Lady Kluck fights all soldiers while they groan]

[whistles]

[cheering]

[yelling]

[crowd cheers]

Lady Kluck: Long live King Richard! Yee-hoo!

Stromboli: No! No! Foiled again!

Frollo: I should have known that turtle could have escaped.

Syndrome: We will get them.

Clayton: We will find Hiss.

Prince John: Hiss! You're never around when I need you!

Sir Hiss: (echoing) Coming. Coming. [snickers] For I'm a jolly good fellow For I'm a jolly good... [laughs] Oh! Oh, there you are, old boy! PJ, you won't believe this, but the stork is really Robin Hood.

Prince John: Robin Hood. [Prince John chuckles, shrieks] Get out of that, if you can.