Kuzco's Hungry

Pacha: Low blood sugar, huh?

Kuzco: Yeah. It's a curse.

Pacha: Well, as soon as we get something to eat, you're walking the rest of the way.

Bear: I think I am getting hungry.

(A minute later)

(They arrive at Mudka's Meat Hut but look at the sign: No Llamas Allowed)

Pom: Well, that has one rule.

Flora: Yeah. We know the llamas are not allowed in the restaurant, for we cannot let them eat or drink anything. They only eat grasses and drink water from the river and lake. So I am having a great idea. I do think we will disguise Kuzco.

Beaver: That's a great idea, Flora. But look.

(She points at another sign: No Dogs Allowed)

Flora: We see what you said.

Beaver: (to the dogs) Sorry, guys. We can't let you come in with us.

Dodger: We understand. We know our condition: No stealing. Right, Franklin?

Franklin: Yep, Dodger.

Rita: We will wait for you out here.

(Pacha and Kuzco look at each other and smile)

Waitress: Welcome to Mudka's Meat Hut... home of the mug... (Kuzco giggles like a girl) ...of meat. What'll it be?

Pacha: We'll have two specials. Is that all right, dear?

Kuzco: Oh, whatever you say, pumpkin. You know what I like.

Pacha: We're on our honeymoon.

Franklin's granny: And we are on the family vacation.

Waitress: Bless you for coming out in public. So that's two specials.

Kuzco: And an onion log. (in woman's voice) To split.

Waitress: Ordering! I need two heartburns... and a deep-fried doorstop on table!

(Pacha and Kuzco laugh)

Pacha: Okay, so I'll admit this was a good idea.

Kuzco: When will you learn that all my ideas are good ones?

Pacha: That's funny, because I thought that you going into the jungle by yourself... being chased by jaguars, lying to me to take you back to the palace were all really bad ideas.

Kuzco: Oh, yeah. Anything sounds bad when you say it with that attitude.

Waitress: (coming and putting the orders on the table) Hot and crispy pillbug for the happy couple and the spinich for the turtle family.

Franklin: Thanks.

Waitress: You're welcome.

Pacha: Oh, boy.

(He slurps the bug food)

(Kuzco looks disgust and is about to throw up)

Pacha: Oh, here. Let me get that for you.

(Kuzco gets disgust)

Franklin: That spinach looks delicious. It makes me strong.

Franklin's mom: That the brave thing to try.

Bear: Where are you going?

Kuzco: I'm just gonna slip into the kitchen and have a word with the chef.

Pacha: You're gonna get us thrown out.

Kuzco: Please. With this disguise, I'm invisible.

Goose: I like to volunteer to watch over Kuzco.

Franklin: Sure, Goose. Go ahead.

Snail: Can I go with Goose too?

Franklin's granny: You can go with her, dearie.

(Kuzco, Goose and Snail enter the kitchen)

(The man smiles at Pacha with his thumb up)

Yzma: (sitting on the chair around the table) We've been walking around in circles for who knows how long. That is the last time we take directions from a squirrel.

Raccoon: (whispers) Is that old lady talking about Squirrel?

Flora: (whispers) I think she is talking about someone else. She doesn't have the manners to talk to the creatures.

Squirrel: (whisper) It was my cousin, Bucky.

Yzma: I should have done away with Kuzco myself when I had the chance.

(Pacha coughs)

Kronk: Oh, you really gotta stop beating yourself up about that.

Frollo: We still have to look for the talking llama and kill him when we have a chance.

(Yzma bends the fork and drops it)

Stromboli: Uh, Mother, don't bend your fork like that.

Kronk: Uh-oh. I'll get you another one there, Yzma. You using that fork, pal? (Pacha offers another fork) Hey, don't I know you?

Pacha: I don't think so.

Kronk: Wrestled you in high school?

Pacha: Don't remember that.

Kronk: No? Metal shop?

Pacha: Uh, no...

Kronk: Oh, I got it. Miss Narca's interpretive dance... two semesters. I was usually in the back because of my weak ankles. Come on, pal. You gotta help me out here.

Pacha: Uh, no, look, l-I don't think we've ever met, but, look, I gotta go.

Kronk: Don't worry. I'll think of it.

Clayton: (in belted Buzz's voice) Halt! I order you to halt! Believe me that you, Pacha, and the gang carried Kuzco, I see.

Babar: (in Buzz's voice) I don't have time for this. Come on, gang. Let's just get of here.

Kuzco: Look, all I know is the food looked iffy. All right? And I'm not the only one that thinks that, I'm sure.

Snail: We never heard of it.

Pacha: (opening the door) Psst! Hey!

Kuzco: So I'm just checking to make sure... that you're gonna take the main course up a notch.

Yzma: Is there anything on this menu that is not swimming in gravy?

Kronk: Hang on. I'll go ask the chef.

Syndrome: I will go with him.

Kuzco: It's a simple question. Is there or is there not anything edible on this menu?

Franklin: Hey. Goose. Snail.

Goose: What is it, Franklin?

Franklin: We've got to go.

(Pacha looks at Syndrome and Kronk, walking, in the window)

(They run to hide in the closet)

Kuzco: Hey, I didn't ask him about dessert yet! (The door is closed behind them)

Kronk: Hey, pal, what's your policy on making special orders?

Chef: All right, buster, that's it! You want a special order, then you make it! I quit!

Kronk: Yeah, but l... Hold on.

Chef: (packing things) You know, I try and I try, but there's just no respect for anyone with vision. That-That's it! There's just nothing I can do about it!

Kronk: Wait a second. Please don't go.

Waitress: Ordering. Three pork combos, extra bacon on the side, two chili cheese samplers...

Kronk: No, no.

Waitress: A basket of liver and onion rings, a catch of the day... and a steak cut in the shape of a trout. You got all that, honey?

Kronk: Three oinkers wearing pants, plate of hot air... basket of Grandma's breakfast and change the bull to a gill, got it.

Syndrome: I will go and get Yzma, Stromboli, Clayton and Frollo.

Kuzco: What's going on?

Pacha: There's no time to explain. We gotta get out of here.

Yzma: What is he doing in there?

Syndrome: I think I know. Kronk became a chef.

(Yzma leaves the table)

(Kronk picks the dishes up and is about to cook the orders)

Pacha: (opening the door) Come on!

Kuzco: (leaving the closet) In a minute. I'm still hungry.

Pacha: No, Kuzco!

Kuzco: Okay, I'll make it simple for you. I'll have a spinach omelet with wheat toast. You got it?

Kronk: Can do.

Yzma: (opening the door while Kuzco closes the door) What's taking so long?

(Pacha, Franklin and the heroes hide under the table)

Kronk: Pickup!

Yzma: Kronk, what are you doing?

Kronk: (Franklin watches while hiding) Kind of busy here.

Yzma: Why am I not surprised?

Kronk: Yo! Order's up!

Yzma: Oh, well, while you're at it, make me the special. And hold the gravy! (leaving the kitchen)

Kronk: (Kuzco reappearing into the kitchen) Check. Pickup!

Kuzco: You know what? On second thought, (leaving the kitchen) make my omelet a meat pie.

Kronk: (Pacha and the heroes crawl out of the table and run) Meat pie. Check.

Yzma: (reappearing into the kitchen) Kronk! (PPacha and the heroes stop and hide again) Can I order the potatoes as a side dish?

Kronk: (cutting the carrots) I'll have to charge you full price.

Yzma: Grr.

Kuzco: (reappearing) Hey, how about a side of potatoes, my buddy? (leaving)

Kronk: You got it. Want cheese on those potatoes?

Yzma: (reappearing) Thank you, Kronk. Cheddar will be fine. (leaving)

Kronk: Cheddar spuds coming up.

Kuzco: (reappearing) Spuds yes, cheese no. (leaving)

Kronk: Hold the cheese.

Yzma: (reappearing) No, I want the cheese. (leaving)

Kronk: Cheese it is.

Kuzco: (reappearing) Cheese me no "likee." (leaving)

Kronk: Cheese out.

Yzma: (reappearing) Cheese in! (leaving)

Kronk: Come on. Make up your mind!

Kuzco: Okay, okay, on second thought,

Kuzco and Yzma: Make my potatoes a salad.

(Yzma rubs her ear with her finger)

Fox: Did you see our enemies?

Snail: Yes. But now they didn't notice us.

Excuse me. You see that woman over there?

No problem, hon. We do that all the time.

One, two, three, four

Happy, happy birthday

from all of us to you

We wish it was our birthday

so we could party too

Happy, happy birthday

May all your dreams come true

- We wish it was our birthday

so we could party too

- It's your birthday?

- What are you doing?

- Look, there's two people in there looking for you.

- What?

- A big guy and a skinny old woman.

Wait. Was this woman scary beyond all reason?

- Oh, yeah.

- That's Yzma and Kronk. I'm saved!

- Trust me, they're not here to save you.

- They'll take me back to the palace. Thanks for your help. You've been great. I can take it from here.

No, no, you don't understand. They're trying to kill you.

- Kill me? Their whole world revolves around me.

- No, I can't let you!

What? Wha... Oh! Oh, I get it.

- What?

- You don't want to take me back to the palace. You want to keep me stranded out here forever.

- No!

- This has all been an act, and I almost fell for it.

- Will you just listen to me...

No, no, you listen to me. All you care about is your-your stupid hilltop!

- What?

- You don't care about me. Now, just get out of here. Go!

- But-But...

- Go on! Get out of here!

Fine!

- Oh, this entire mess is all your fault.

- What'd I do?

If you hadn't mixed up those poisons, Kuzco would be dead now! There'll be no more diversions until we track that llama down and kill him!

Said I was sorry. Can't just let it go, not even on your birthday.

Kuzco must be eliminated. The empire will finally be rid of that useless slug.

Well, you got a point. Nobody really seems to care that he's gone, do they?

Pacha! Pacha?