The Irelanders' Adventures of Toy Story 3/Transcript

This is the transcript for The Irelanders' Adventures of Toy Story 3.

[The film starts with the intro of the first film, fluffy white clouds against a blue sky. The title "The Irelanders' Adventures of Toy Story 3" appears as a stick with something flaming hot on it puts the 3 on the title. The title then burns away to reveal a train chugging through a hot desert. One of the vans blows a hole in it's roof and bags of money fly out, followed by Mr. Potato Head, playing his One Eyed Bart role like in the first film, holding two more bags and laughing evilly]

One Eyed Bart: (cackles and throws one of the bags in his slot) Money, money, money.

[Just then, a lasso grabs the other bag from him and yanks it away]

One Eyed Bart: Hey!

[The lasso knocks him over. Woody walks up to him, facing downward while reeling his lasso in. He then puts his foot on Mr. Potato Head's face before lifting his head up to look at him]

One Eyed Bart: (groans)

Woody: You've got a date with justice, One Eyed Bart.

One Eyed Bart: Too bad, Sheriff! I'm a married man.

[There's a karate yell and Mrs. Potato Head, playing the role of One Eyed Bart's wife One Eyed Betty, appears wielding nun chucks]

Woody: One Eyed Betty?!

One Eyed Betty: [karate yells]

[Mrs. Potato Head attacks Woody who flips and ducks to avoid getting hit, forcing him to the back of the train until he teeters on the edge of the caboose. Then with a swing of her handbag, Mrs. Potato Head knocks Woody off the train sending him flying. Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head watch after him, Mr. Potato Head cackling in triumph]

Woody: Aah!

One Eyed Bart: [cackles with triumph then gasps when he sees something while Mrs. Potato Head looks shocked]

[Bullseye runs into view with Jessie and Woody on his back, revealing that he and Jessie caught Woody after he fall]

Jessie: I think you dropped something, mister.

One Eyed Bart: Jessie?!

Woody: Give it up, Bart! You've reached the end of the line!

One Eyed Bart: (taking out a remote detonator) I always wanted to go out with a bang!

[He gestures to a bridge nearby which has a lot of dynamite in the middle of it. Cackling, Mr. Potato Head presses the detonate button and the dynamite explodes, destroying the bridge's entire middle section]

Jessie: Oh, no!

Woody: The orphans!

[Troll toys stick their heads out of the windows]

One Eyed Bart: Hate to leave early, but our ride is here.

[A pink convertible drives into view with the three toy aliens inside, each one wearing an eyepatch]

Aliens: Oooh.

One Eyed Bart: It's me or the kiddies, sheriff! Take your pick!

[He and Mrs. Potato Head jump into the convertible which speeds off back the way it came]

Woody: Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

Jessie: Yah!

[Bullseye speeds up passing the troll toys and reaching the locomotive pulling the train]

Woody: Hold him steady!

[Woody jumps into the locomotive and pushes a lever forward. The train starts to speed up]

Jessie: Woody, hurry!

[Woody pulls another lever back, activating the brakes. However, the train fails to stop in time and plunges over the edge carrying Woody with it, much to the horror of Jessie and Bullseye, who watch helplessly]

Jessie: No!

[Just then, a flash of blue light happens and Buzz Lightyear appears, carrying the train and Woody above his head]

Buzz Lightyear: Glad I could catch the train!

Woody: Now let's catch some criminals!

Buzz: To infinity and beyond!

[He flies upward. Meanwhile, Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head drive past a sign saying Skull Canyon - All Outlaws Welcome. Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head throw coins in the air happily]

One Eyed Bart and Betty: (laughing and whooping)

Aliens: (point upon seeing something) Ooh.

[Buzz flies in from up ahead and slice the car in two with his laser, sending the Potato Heads and the Aliens tumbling over and over before settling against a wall. Woody and Jessie show up as Buzz lands beside them]

Woody: Reach for the sky.

One Eyed Bart: You can't touch me, Sheriff! I've brought my attack dog with a built in force field! (whistles)

[Slinky comes springing down from the cliff side growling]

Slinky: (growling)

One Eyed Bart: (cackling as Slinky bites his tail activating the force field)

Woody: Well, I've brought my dinosaur, who eats force field dogs!

Jessie: [yodeling]

[Jessie's yodeling cracks the ground and Rex comes out of it, roaring. He then glares at the bad guys and roars at them until a shadow looms over him]

Rex: Huh?

[Buzz, Jessie and Woody look up to a giant pig like spaceship hovering above them]

Buzz Lightyear: Evil Dr. Porkchop!

Dr Porkchop: That's Mr. Evil Dr. Porkchop to you!

One Eyed Bart: (cackling)

[One Eyed Bart and his family are teleported into the ship. Dr Porkchop presses a button that reads Death By Monkeys. A barrel drops from the ship to the ground as Jessie, Buzz and Woody make a run for it and explodes, releasing hundreds of small red monkeys. Rex tries to fend them off by roaring by they overpower him. The monkeys catch up with Jessie, Buzz and Woody and stretch them out. The ship then points its head down at them and it's nose opens revealing a cannon. One Eyed Bart reaches for a button with a skull and crossbones cackling evilly as Buzz, Jessie and Woody shut their eyes, preparing for the worst. The whole thing is soon revealed to be Andy playing with his toys while the Irelanders, who are hiding under the bed, watch]

Andy: (as Woody) Buzz! Shoot your laser at my badge! (as Buzz) Woody, no! It'll kill you! (as Woody) Just do it!

[Andy poses Buzz to make it look as if he's covering his eyes while firing his laser at the same time. Andy makes laser noises while using his finger to make it look as if the laser is reflecting off of Woody's badge and hitting the ship, causing an explosion and Mr. Potato Head, Mrs. Potato Head, Slinky, Hamm and the Aliens to fall out onto the floor]

Andy: (as Woody) You're going to jail, Bart! (as One Eyed Bart) Aah! Watch out! (continues playing until he sees his mom coming in and filming him) Mom.

Mrs Davis: No, no, no! Just keep playing. Just pretend I'm not here. (as Molly knocks over the model bridge) Oh, no. Molly.

Andy: No, it's okay, Mom. It's a.. fifty foot baby from outer space! And she's on a rampage! Run for your lives!

Mrs Davis: (laughing) Buster, get out of there! Does the red light mean its going?

[We then cut to the family having a birthday party for Molly as You've Got A Friend In Me plays in the background]

Mrs Davis: Come on. Say happy birthday to Molly.

Andy: (mouth full) Happy birthday!

Mrs Davis: Oh, charming.

Andy: (making Woody wave) Happy birthday!

[Next, Andy's mom measures how high he is]

Mrs Davis: Look how tall you're getting!

Andy: Yeah!

[Next, Andy measures his toys. Andy gives Woody a piggyback on his back. Then plays with his toys inside]

Andy: Yeah! Whoo-hoo! (laughs) (as Woody) I came as fast as I could! Buzz, behind you! (as Buzz) Got it, Woody!

Buzz's voice box: Buzz Lightyear to the rescue!

Andy: Great job, Buzz!

[Andy watches a movie with his toys and sticks a piece of popcorn in Rex's mouth but it falls out. He then runs around carrying Jessie, Buzz and Bullseye as if they're flying. Then he spins around with Woody on his shoulders before flopping down on the bed and hugging his toys. The camera zooms in on Woody's face before turning off, making the screen go black]

Woody: Okay, places, everyone. [pushes something aside] Come on, come on. Get in position.

Mrs Potato Head: Wait! I can't find my other eye!

Hamm: Alright, who's foot's in my face?

Mr Potato Head: It's mine. Give it back.

Aliens: You have saved our lives. We are eternally grateful.

Mr Potato Head: (groans) Sssh!

The Mask: Looks like Mr. Potato Head still has a lot to learn about parenting.

Maisie Lockwood: Yep. Even after many years.

Lightning McQueen: Dusty, could you budge up a bit please? Your wing keeps poking my eye.

Dusty Crophopper: [moves up a bit] Oh, sorry.

Violet Parr: Why do we have to being in this chest anyway?

Applejack: We've been over this, Vi. We agreed that if the toys couldn't get Andy to play with them, one of us would have to talk to him.

Chris Kratt: She's right. But we won't tell him about his toys coming to life.

Stick Man: That's right. So we'II just to deal with all the stuff here in the chest for now.

Violet Parr: I see. Though they're hurting my back.

Spike: You're telling me. Ouch.

Jessie: Buzz, mind if I squeeze in next to you?

Buzz: Yes. I mean, no. What would I mind (stammering) squeezing next to you? (sniffs) Is it hot in here?

Rex: (seeing something) Oh, here they come!

[Sarge and two of his men carry a sock into the room]

Woody: Sarge, you got it?

Sarge: Mission accomplished.

Rex: Hooray!

Hamm: [laughing]

Mrs Potato Head: Oooh!

Irelanders: Yippee!

Woody: Careful, careful.

[Buzz and Woody shake the sock and a mobile phone drops out]

Jessie: Ooh!

Rex: [gasp]

Woody: All right, guys. We got one shot at this. Everyone ready?

Jessie: [holds up another phone] We're ready, Woody! Let's do it.

Woody: [to Buzz] Okay, Buzz. Make the call.

[Buzz opens his wrist communicator to reveal a phone number which Jessie dials into her phone. Woody passes the mobile phone to Rex who holds it. Jessie presses the dial button on her phone and the mobile phone Rex is holding rings, making him jump. Buzz, Jessie and Woody peak out of the chest and here footsteps approaching the room]

Buzz: Target is on approach.

Woody: Just like we rehearsed it, guys.

[They go back in. A shadow creeps over the chest as the toys freeze and the Irelanders hide. Andy, now a teenager, opens the chest and fumbles around for his phone until he picks up Rex who is still holding it. Andy yanks the phone free from Rex's grasp and flips it open before putting it to his ear]

Andy: Hello? [on the phone Woody's holding] Hello? Anyone there. [sighs and hangs up, to Molly, now a little girl] Molly, stay out of my room!

Molly: I wasn't in your room!

[Andy looks at Rex before putting him back into the chest and closing it before heading out of the room]

Andy: Then who was messing with my stuff?

Molly: It wasn't me!

[Andy shuts the door behind him. Woody looks out of the chest sadly with Buzz before they look at each other]

Mr Potato Head: Well, that went well.

Mrs Potato Head: Oh.

Rex: He held me! He actually held me!

Hamm: Oh, this is just sad.

Mr Potato Head: Who are we kidding? The kid's 17 years old.

Slinky: We ain't ever getting played with.

Mewtwo: Well, my friends, I guess it's time. The plan didn't work so one of us will have to talk to Andy.

Rarity: True, darling. But who?

[They all look at Violet]

Violet Parr: Okay. I'll do it.

Connor Lacey: Thanks, Violet.

[Buzz and Woody get out the chest before Buzz gives Woody a nod]

Woody: (sighs) Guys, hey, hold up. We need a staff meeting. Everyone! A staff meeting!

Hamm: Oh, not again.

Woody: Oh, come on. [to Slinky] Slink, gather everyone up.

Slinky: Uh, we are gathered, Woody.

Woody: Okay. First off, we all knew Operation Playtime was a long shot.

Mr Potato Head: More like a misfire.

Woody: But we always said this job isn't about getting play with, it's about...

Jessie: Being there for Andy, we know.

Dash: You've only told us a million times.

Tip: More like three million.

Helen Parr/Elastigirl: But he's right. Andy may be grown up now but he still needs you in a way.

Rex: But we can try again! Right?

Woody: I'm calling it, guys. We're closing up shop.

Everyone: What?

Woody: Andy's going to college any day now. That was our last shot.

Mrs Potato Head: Oh.

Buzz: We're going into attic mode, folks. Keep you accessories with you at all times. Spare parts, batteries, anything you need for orderly transition.

Mr Potato Head: Orderly?! Don't you get it?! We're done! Finished! Over the hill!

Woody: Hey! Come on, guys! We all knew this day was coming.

Hamm: Yeah but now it's here.

[As they're talking, Buzz notices Sarge and his two men climbing up onto Andy's desk to the window]

Woody: Look, every toy goes through this! No one has to...

Buzz: Hey, Sarge! What do you think you're doing?

Sarge: The war's over, folks. Me and the boys are moving on.

Irelanders: What?!

Woody: Moving on?!

Buzz: You're going AWOL?!

Sarge: We've done our duty. Andy's grown up.

Green Army Man 1: Let's face it. When the trash bags come out, we army guys are the first to go.

Buzz: Trash bags?

Woody: Who said anything about trash bags?

Sarge (Cars): If they say the war's over, it's over.

Sarge: It has been an honor serving with you. Good luck, folks.

[One of the men grabs Sarge and they parachute out of the window]

Green Army Man 2: You're gonna need it.

[He follows after them]

Woody: No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Rex: Aah! We're getting thrown away?!

Woody: No! No one's getting thrown away!

Mr Potato Head: How do you know?

Jessie: (panting with anxiety) We're being abandoned.

Buzz: We'll be fine, Jessie.

Hamm: Then why did Sarge leave?

Mrs Potato Head: Should we leave?

Slinky: I thought we were going to the attic.

Rex: Oh, I hate all of this uncertainty.

Twilight Sparkle: Alright! Alright! Everypony, stop!

Woody: Twilight's right. Hold on now. Wait a minute! Quiet! No one's getting thrown out, okay?! We're all still here!

Mack: The cowboy has a point. I mean, sure you lost friends along the way.

Woody: Yeah. Wheezy and Etch and...

Rex: Bo Peep?

Woody: Yeah, yeah, even Bo.

Kim Possible: (knowing Woody's loss) We're very sorry you lost her, Woody.

Woody: It's okay, Kim. But still, all good toys who've gone on to new owners. But through every yard sale, every spring cleaning, Andy held onto us. He must care for us or we won't be here.

Connor Lacey: Woody's right. Andy still cares about you even when he's grown up like me.

Woody: Connor's right. You wait. Andy’s gonna tuck us in the attic. It’ll be safe and warm…

Buzz: And we'll all be together.

Woody: Exactly! There’s games up there, and books, and…

Buzz: The race car track!

Woody: The race car track, thank you.

Slinky: And the old TV!

Woody: There you go! The old TV!

Chug: And those guys from the Christmas decorations box. They're quite fun.

Mrs Potato Head: Yeah.

Woody: And some day