Royal problems/King Harold's death and funeral

This is a transcript for a scene in Ryan and Crash meet Shrek the Third.

[We see Ryan and Meg in bed. They wake up]

Ryan F-Freeman: Morning, Meg.

Meg Griffin: Morning, Ryan.

Cody Fairbrother: What a beautiful day, guys. I wonder how Shrek and Fiona are doing?

Lady: Yeah.

[To Shrek and Fiona]

Shrek: Good morning.

Fiona: Good morning. Oh, morning breath.

Shrek: I know. Isn't it wonderful?

[Then, Donkey comes in with the Dronkies and Evil Anna]

Donkey: Good morning, good morning~

The sun is shining through~

Good morning, good morning~

To you~

Evil Anna: And you. And you.

[She high fives Pinkipoo]

Pinkipoo: Nice one!

Evil Anna: Yeah.

Donkey: They grow up so fast.

Shrek: Not fast enough.

[Foiletta slaps the flame off the bed, extinguishing it]

Shrek: Thanks.

Pinkipoo: You're welcome.

Damona: I guess Evil Anna is happy for that.

Milly: Yeah.

Puss in Boots: Okay. You have a very full day filling in for the king and queen. There are several functions that require your attendance, sir.

Shrek: Great, let's get started. [pulls the sheet over him]

Pinkie Pie: Come on, lazybones! Time to get moving. [pulls the sheet off him]

[Donkey and Blizzaria shriek]

Blizzaria: [covering her eyes] You know, you need to get yourself a pair of jammies.

Donkey: I agree with the snow girl.

[At a part of the castle, we see the stain-glass window with the title on it; "Crash, Thomas and Ryan meet Shrek the Third". The song Royal Pain plays in the background. Pinkipoo is shown with Shrek and Donkey. Ryan, the gang, Damona and Meg was helping out Fiona. At the knighting ceremony, Shrek holds his sword and look at Puss who demonstrates the knighting thing with his sword. Shrek looks nervious]

Shrek: I knight thee.... [hits the guy on the shoulder with the sword]

Pinkipoo: [covers his eyes] Aiyeee.

Meg Griffin: Ooh, that's gonna leave a mark.

Blizzaria: You said it, senpai.

Ryan F-Freeman: Senpai?

[Cue to the next scene where Shrek is the dock as he stands behind a ship]

Matau T. Monkey: Just smash the bottle carefully and...

Orla Ryan: Shrek, watch out!

[But it was too late, he leaned the ship too hard that it made it move. Shrek tried to make it stop by throwing the bottle.]

Liam: [panicked] Bad idea, if you do that, you'll...

[Once again, it was too late, it had sails caught on fire and people got out of the ship as it sinks]

Liam: [sighs] ...Break and sink the ship.

Oisin Ryan: Oi.

[Cue the next scene, Shrek is sitting on a chair with Fiona on another]

Pinkie Pie: Okay, if you are filling in for the king, you have to look like one.

Donkey: Pinkie is right, Shrek. Can somebody come in here and work on Shrek please?

Pinkipoo: Well? [turns to a French person] Well?

[Raoul looks at Shrek, who raise an eyebrow]

French Person: I will see what I can do.

[Raoul got out some gardening tools. A man uses a circular sander to file Shrek's toenails as he cringes. A guy is putting on mascara on Shrek's eyelash. Another guy plucks Fiona's nosehair]

Fiona: Ow!

[Some lipstick is applied. A guy is zipping the zipper. Another man is putting a sock on one of Shrek's feet and helps him puts some shoes on. Another man is tying Fiona's corset. A drill places a river on Shrek's belt, A collar is placed around Fiona's neck. A mole is placed on Shrek's cheek. Later, they are at backstage with Shrek and Fiona standing awkwardly in renaissance outfits. Donkey gasps]

Donkey: Oh!

Puss in Boots: Yeah, wow.

Sean Ryan: It's you. It's really you.

Pinkipoo: Isn't it a little uncomfortable for you?

Orla Ryan: He'll be fine.

Fiona: Uh, is this really necessary?

Raoul: [to Shrek] Ho, ho. Quite necessary, Fiona.

Shrek: I'm Shrek, you twit.

Raoul: Whatever.

Puss in Boots: Okay, peoples. This is not a rehearsal. Let's see some hustle.

Donkey: Smiles, everyone, smiles!

Foiletta: Stay positive for me and Pinkipoo.

Shrek: I don't know how much longer I can keep this up, Fiona.

Fiona: I'm sorry, Shrek, but can you please try to grin and bear it? It's just until Dad gets better.

Shrek: [sighs]

Fiona: Shrek?

Shrek: Yeah.

Fiona: You look handsome.

Shrek: Ah. Come here, you.

[They pucker up and they try to kiss but their outfits prevents it. They let out a sigh]

Shrek: Oh, my butt is itching up a storm and I can't reach it in this monkey suit.

[He tries to reach his bum but to no avail]

Shrek: Oh. [whistles] Hey you. Come here.

[A man holding a ruby sceptre comes over]

Shrek: What's your name?

Fiddlesworth: Uh, Fiddlesworth, sir.

Shrek: Hoo hoo hoo. Perfect.

Pinkipoo: [facepalms] Oy vey...

Oisin Ryan: You said it. [facepalms]

[Outside, at the ballroom]

Master of Ceromonies: Ladies and gentleman, Princess Fiona and Sir Shrek.

[The audience including Ryan and Friends clap. Then certain opens to see Shrek's behind getting scratched by Fiddlesworth]

Shrek: You've done it. Oh, a little to the left, Yeah. Oh. That's good!

Fiona: Uh, Shrek?

Ryan F-Freeman: [to Meg and the Dazzlings] You girls don't look.

[Meg and Ryan's three siren friends cover their eyes. The crowd looks on in horror as Fiddlesworth tries to find Shrek's itch]

Shrek: Ahh.. All right, you got it.. Oh, yeah. You got it. You're on it. Oh. That's it! That's good.

Pinkipoo: [gritting his teeth, muffled] Shrek...

Shrek: Oh Yeah! Scratch that thing! You got it! You're on it! That's great!

Fiona: Shrek!!

Shrek: Oh, heh heh.

Pinkipoo: [sighs]

[Then, Shrek's belt buckle snaps off and hits Donkey in the eye]

Donkey: Ow! My eye! My eye!

[He stumbles and knocks Pinkie's Scepter off his hand, then a candle]

Pinkipoo: Oh no, My scepter!

He stumbles and knocks Pinkie's Scepter off his hand, then he holds onto a woman]

Pinkipoo: Oh no, My scepter!

Woman: What are you doing?

[The Woman pushes Donkey out of the way at a guard on the way down. The axe fly past Puss in a woman's arms then a vase is launched and Fiona catches it]

Shrek: Fiona!

[Shrek's tuxido bib hits Shrek and his pants fall down, he trips and sends a plank up that sends Fiddlesworth on a flagpole. Shrek reaches Fiona lying on the floor]

Shrek: Are you okay?

Fiona: Yeah. I'm fine.

[Fiddlesworth's jacket falls and he falls onto a plate of flaming skewers. The skewers fly past Donkey and hit the certain]

Donkey: Oooooh, shrimp, my favourite. [blows out one of the skewers and eats the food]

[The fire cause the Far Far Away shield to fall onto the stage and crowd flees]

Garfield (EG): I love chain reactions.

[Thornyan tried to use the needles from his spikes to put it out but no avail]

Rigby (EG): Get the fire extinguisher!

[In Shrek and Fiona's Room, Shrek bursts in]

Shrek: That's it! We're leaving!

Fiona: Honey, please calm down...

Shrek: Calm down? Who do you think we're kidding? I am an ogre! I'm not cut out for this, Fiona and I never will be.

Pinkipoo: He doesn't like being a king.

Shrek: Pink-Boy is right.

[He lies on his Bed then see someone Donkey]

Donkey: I think that went pretty well.

Shrek: Donkey!!

[Shrek held Donkey high and tossed him out]

Donkey: Aww. Come on now, Shrek.

[Shrek closes the door]

Puss in Boots: Some people just don't understand boundaries. [grabbed by Shrek] Mweow!

[This time, Shrek picks him up and ditches him outside a window]

Sir Daniel Fortesque: That is not okay.

[Puss takes off his hat and then looks at Shrek with his big cute eyes but Shrek closes the certain]

Matau T. Monkey: You still got us. After you left, I'm the only one to put out the fire.

Pinkipoo: And you helped me retrieve my scepter.

Shrek: That's true, thank you, both of you.

Matau T. Monkey: Anytime, my green pal.

Ryan F-Freeman: That is a right thing to do putting the fire out.

Matau T. Monkey: That's true, Master Ryan. [hugs Ryan]

[Fiona looks at Shrek]

Fiona: Just think... a couple more days and we'll be back home in our vermin-filled shack, strewn with fungus, filling with the rotting stench of mud and neglect.

Shrek: Oh, you had me at "vermin-filled".

Fiona: And, uh.. maybe even the pitter-patter of little feet on the floor..?

Shrek: [laughs] That's right. The swamp rats are spawning.

Fiona: Uh, no... you know, what I was thinking of is a little bigger then a swamp rat.

Shrek: Donkey?

Fiona: No, Shrek. Um... what if..

Shrek: Yeah?

Fiona: They were little ogre feet.

Shrek: Oh. [laughs nervously]

[Shrek falls off the bed. He gets up]

Shrek: Honey? Let's try and be rational about this. Have you seen a baby lately? They just eat and poop and they cry and then they cry when they poop and they poop when they cry... Now imagine an ogre baby, they extra cry and they extra poop.

Fiona: Shrek... Don't you ever think about having a family?

Shrek: Right now, you are my family.

[There is a knock on the door. A royal pager bursts through the door]

Shrek: Well, someone better be dying.

Pinkipoo: I have a bad feeling about this...

Foiletta: Sounds like bad news to me.

Oisin Ryan: Let's go see.

Cody Fairbrother: Yeah.

[At King Harold's bedroom, Ryan, Meg and friends are with Shrek and the others to see Harold lying on his Lily pad]

King Harold: [coughs, weakly] I'm dying....

Ryan F-Freeman: Oh my.

Queen Lilian: Harold.

King Harold: Don't forget to pay the gardener, Lilian.

Queen Lilian: Of course, darling.

King Harold: Fiona...

Fiona: Yes, Daddy?

King Harold: I know I made many mistakes with you.

Fiona: It's Okay.

King Harold: But your love for Shrek has taught me so much. [To Ryan and Meg] Ryan, Meg, I am proud that your team helped so much.

Ryan F-Freeman: Thanks.

King Harold: My dear boy, I'm proud to call you my son.

Shrek: And I'm proud to call you my Frog... King dad-in-law.

King Harold: Now, there's a matter of business to attend toooo.....

[Harold started coughing and wheezing. Eventually, he stops. They think he is dead and Puss takes off his hat]

Puss in Boots: The Frog king is dead.

[Meg moans for him with Ryan. Fiona starts to cry. Then, Harold wakes up, coughing]

Donkey: Put your hat back on, fool.

[Puss puts his hat back on]

King Harold: Shrek, come hither.

Shrek: [comes to see him] Yeah, Dad?

King Harold: This kingdom needs a new king. You and Fiona are next in line for the throne.

Shrek: Oooh, next in line. Now, you see, Dad, that's why everyone loves you. Even on your deathbed, you're still making jokes.