Mortal Recoil (LMAoAT)/Transcript

This is the episode script for Mortal Recoil (LMAoAT).

[The episode begins at the Candy Hospital. A crowd is hovering over Princess Bubblegum as she's pushed on a gurney.]

Nurse Pound Cake: What's her condition, Dr. Ice Cream?

Dr. Ice Cream: She's totally gross over 90% of her body. The other 10% is crazy nasty.

Nurse Pound Cake: Will she make it, Doctor?

Dr. Ice Cream: [Gravely] I don't know, Nurse Pound Cake.

[They quickly pull her to the emergency room, a heart monitor bleeps.] Put sugar on 'er! Two scoops! [She and Nurse Pound Cake each put two handfuls of sugar on her, but she starts flat-lining.] We're losing 'er!!

Ice King: No! Not my number one! Princess, if you die on me, I will never forgive you! I'll be lost—lost in my own emotional labyri—

Finn: [Furiously punches him] YAAAAAH!!

Dr. Ice Cream: Wait, Finn!

Finn: [Scared] What!?

Dr. Ice Cream: Her sugar levels are stabilizing.

[Princess Bubblegum regains her normal body shape. Everyone starts cheering. "Yaaay! She's alright!"]

Princess Bubblegum: [Drained] Yes, I'm fine. I just need to rest.

Ice King: [Crying] Oh, my wife! Is there anything weird about her? I can't see through these pain tears!

Dr. Ice Cream: She's fine. Why?

Ice King: It's just that... after Princess fell into the well, I saw something strange happen. Something I still don't understand. [Finn's Root Sword is hurled at Ice King.] Ooh—AGH! Wait! Listen to me!!

Finn: NO! Just shut your mouth, old man!

Ice King: "Old man?" Heh! What? I'm not old.

Jake: Uh, yeah, you are, dude.

[Everyone agrees with Jake. "You are pretty old." "Yes, you are." "You're old."]

Ice King: Old? I'm... I see. It's all making sense now. Brrrrapapo! [Blasts window with ice magic, shattering it] I'm going, Princess. I'm sorry if my skin grossed you out. Nobody wants to see this old skin, I guess. [Tearing up] Nobody in the world.

Finn: [With rage] JUST GET OUT OF HERE!!

Ice King: Peace.[He makes a peace sign then exits while waving solemnly. Finn sighs.]

Finn: Sorry about that, Peebles.

Princess Bubblegum: The ice wizard is a weak fool....

Jake: Huh?

Raggedy Princess: [Running in] Finn! Finn! The other princesses and I made you a new backpack!

Finn: Whoa, Raggedy Princess! It's so awesome! Thank you.

Raggedy Princess: [Blushes] You're welcome, Finn! [Giggles and runs off]

Jake: [To Princess Bubblegum.] You look like sick, grey meat, but we're gonna jack you up so awesome.

Finn: We should wheel 'er to her bedroom, right?

Jake: Yeah, man, and then we'll do magic tricks.

[Princess Bubblegum closes her eyes.]

Finn: Like fake magic?

Jake: Yeah, like [Jake's voice trails off as the screen turns black.] bruh bruh bruh, bruh...

[Scene shifts to Princess Bubblegum's bedroom.]

Finn and Jake: Princess... Princess... [Princess Bubblegum opens her eyes.] Surprise!

Finn: We picked every flower in the Candy Kingdom just for you! [The flowers lie in the room, piling half-way up the wall in some places.]

Jake: Whoo-oo!

[She says nothing.]

Finn: Princess Bubblegum?

[She makes a strange guttural noise and irregularly bends her body.]

Jake: Oh, jeez!! [He hides behind Finn.] What's wrong with Princess Bubblegum?!

Finn: [whispering] Quiet, dude. We're supposed to take care of her, not make her feel bad!

Jake: I know, man, but she just seems... weird.

Finn: She's just messed up from the accident, man. We just have to take care of her 'til she feels better.

Jake: Uh... Okay, dude.

[They look at the bed and gasp; she's gone. Sounds are heard from the bathroom. They go there.]

Finn: Princess! Princess, no! You shouldn't be out of bed! [Finn picks her up and carries her back.] Princess... I... I gotta tell ya somethin'. Uh... Jake... [He nudges his head slightly to signal Jake to get out.]

Jake: Oh. Gotcha. I'll go get some tea! [He cuts his way through the pile of flowers and exits.]

Finn: Princess... this sweater you made me kept me safe. I almost got super messed up, but... it saved me. And I wanted to say... thank you for imbuing this sweater with the power of liking someone a lot. Because... I like you a lot. [Princess Bubblegum is looking at him.] [Finn blushes] Haha, uh... We shouldn't talk about this now. You should rest.

Princess Bubblegum: [Weakly] Finn... I need you to get me some things...

Finn: Yes, Princess.

Peppermint Butler: [Entering with Jake] Princess! I brought you some tea—[He gasps, dropping the tea and sees Princess Bubblegum talking to Finn. He hisses like a cat.]

Jake: Whoa... [Peppermint Butler runs away on all fours.] Uh... somethin' weird's goin' on...

Finn: [approaches Jake from behind.] Jake!

Jake: [Startled] AH!

Finn: I'm gonna get some stuff for PB. Be right back.

[Jake makes a worried noise. He turns and looks at the princess who is breathing deeply and creepily.]

Jake: [Somewhat scared] Hey... Princess... Sorry you're not feelin' good. [She says nothing and looks at him annoyed (still breathing deeply).] Oh! I'll sing you a song! You love it when I sing songs!

[Jake grabs a pink microphone and small speaker, and forms bongos on his stomach, beginning to sing his song. Princess Bubblegum is visibly annoyed and suddenly has a deeper voice. She growls and puts her hand in a bush, wilting every single flower in the room.]

Jake: Uh... [Princess Bubblegum convulses and yells gibberish.] Uh, this song's not that good. It's a bad one. I... I'm stoppin'. [She yells again.] ...And starting a new song! [Plays bongos] [Princess Bubblegum yells in utter agitation. Her bed begins jumping up and down. Suddenly, demonic flames engulf the room.] AAH... [Princess Bubblegum touches him]

Princess Bubblegum: [apparently melting.] Jake...

Jake: AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! [Flees room] OH, MY GLOB, OH, MY GLOB, OH, MY GLOB, OH, MY GLOB!! [To himself] Maybe the toxic waste did somethin' to her brain—made her have demon powers—or somethin’! [Finn runs towards the bedroom door with paraphernalia in his arms.] Yo, dude! Wait! What's all that biz?!

Finn: Uh, bleach, lighter fluid, ammonia, gasoline, I dunno. Lady stuff. Plutonium...

[Princess Bubblegum exits the room.]

Jake: No, man... no... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Princess Bubblegum: [Grabbing ingredients] Thanks. [Goes back in]

Finn: No probs!

Jake: Wait! Hold on!

Finn: What's up?

Jake: Listen... PB's bed was on fire.

Finn: What?! Is she okay?!

Jake: [Whispering] She made it on fire.

Finn: With a match?

Jake: No, man. With her brain... I think... [Finn stares confused.] Look, man, I'll show you!

Finn: Jake, wh—

Jake: Shh!! [Jake carefully opens the door. The room is burnt to a crisp, and Princess Bubblegum is gone.] P-P-P-Princess...?

Finn: [Pointing to bathroom] Over there! [They go in front of the door. Finn knocks.] PB? You in there?

Princess Bubblegum: [Threateningly] I'm busy!

Finn: See? It's fine. She's just havin' private time.

Jake: I'm lookin' in! [Looks through keyhole]

Finn: JAKE, WHAT THE HEY?!

Jake: Oh, my glob!

Finn: [blushing.] Come on, man, that's pervy!

Jake: You don't even know, man.

Finn: DUDE?!

Jake: Look! [Jake forces Finn to look through the keyhole.] See it!

[Princess Bubblegum's skin is now black, and her shape has changed tremendously. She's putting the ingredients from before into the tub and drinking it.]

Finn: Hold on, Peebles! [He smashes down the door.] PRINCESS! [She grows bigger as she drinks the chemicals. She then picks up the whole bath tub and drinks deeply.] AAH! PUT DOWN THE TUB!

[She throws it down and knocks Finn and Jake through a wall. Ice King is revealed to have been listening in. Princess Bubblegum smashes her way out of the castle.]

Gumball Guardian: Evil presence detected!! [Grapples with monster Princess Bubblegum] Must defend!!

[Back at the Candy Castle]

Ice King: [poking Finn's face.] Hey, Finn, are you dead or what?

Finn: [Waking up] Whaaah?... Ice King? What are you doing here?

Ice King: Hey. I had to keep an eye on the princess because she's being possessed by the Lich. Finn: [Grunts] You don't know that.

Ice King: But I do. I saw it with my wizard eyes! [Scene changes to the well.] In the well, I saw something come out of the Lich and go into the princess. But I wasn't sure it was real [scene returns to normal.] because when you have stanky old wizard eyes, sometimes you see things that are real, and other times it's like crazy crazy crazy in your face all the time! [Strange creatures dance around Finn and Jake in the Ice King's vision. He sighs] [To himself] All the time... [To the duo] Guys, let me help you. I don't want my future wife to be... physically unattractive.

Finn: Listen, you old poot. I'm not going to let you kill 'er twice. GET STUFFED. Come on, Jake.

[Ice King groans in sadness as they exit.]

Finn: We're coming, Princess!

Jake: Dude! I think we should let the Ice King help! He can freeze her, which could buy us some t—

Finn: Dump that mess! I'mma set 'er free with my like-like sweater!

Jake: Woooh, do it! [Propels Finn towards her with his hind end.]

Finn: [while hurtling through the air.]I like you, Princess!!

[Princess Bubblegum punches Finn, who screams.]

Jake: Finn!!

[Finn is knocked back to the castle, next to a forlorn Ice King.]

Finn: Urrgh... [To himself] Liking her... didn't work. She's unstoppable... unless... [He sees her stomping on Jake's head and sighs.] [Reluctantly] Ice King, I... I need you to freeze Princess Bubblegum. Will you help me?

Ice King: [Gasps] Are you suuuuure?

Finn: [Annoyed] Yes.

Ice King: Great! Weeee! [Laughs and grabs Finn before exiting]

[They fly towards her.]

Finn: I'll distract 'er up top, you freeze 'er legs!

Ice King: [Throwing Finn] Wah!

Finn: I'M A CAT! I'M AN AGILE CAT! JAKE! DUCK! [Jake retracts his body and falls to the ground. Finn grabs Princess Bubblegum's hair and covers her face with it.] MEOW, ICE KING! [Ice King grunts as he freezes the monstrosity with visible difficulty. A bird brings Finn down to the ground before he's frozen.] Thanks, bird!

[The Candy People gather around and cheer.]

Ice King: Yeah! Whoopie!

Finn: You did good, Ice King.

Ice King: Oh, yeah?

Finn: Yeah, man.

[Suddenly, Princess Bubblegum topples over and her body is totally shattered. Finn looks at Jake, who both have a look of utter and total shock and horror.]

Ice King: Okay. I didn't kill 'er this time. Everybody saw that, right?

Gumball Guardian: [shattered.] Duuuude...

Finn: We gotta get 'er to the hospital!

[Scene shifts back to the hospital.]

Dr. Ice Cream: Start assembling! Here, try to connect these two pieces! [The pieces don't connect.] Turn it... [The wads of gum stick.] Perfect. [The wad of gum is put on Princess Bubblegum's head to make a piece of her hair.] Give me more pieces, Doctor Princess!

Dr. Princess: That's all we have, Dr. Ice Cream!

Dr. Ice Cream: What?! That can't be!

Nurse Pound Cake: [Gasps] What do we do, Doctor?

Dr. Ice Cream: [sighing] ...I don't know, Nurse Pound Cake.

[Outside the emergency room, everyone is chattering.] Finn: I hope she's okay... Nurse Pound Cake: Attention, everyone...

Finn: [In desperation] IS PB OKAY?!? Nurse Pound Cake: Yes... but there were some complications.

Mater: What?

Finn: NOOOOOOO!!!!

Nurse Pound Cake: Yes... I'm afraid... there wasn't enough gum to work with, so it appears Princess Bubblegum is now...... younger. [A young Princess Bubblegum steps out of the emergency room. Everyone gasps, astonished.] She's 13 years old now.

Ice King: Aw, dang it! Well, I'm outta here. Goodbye, everyone. [Exits]

Finn: 13 years old? That's how old I am. [Princess Bubblegum smiles at Finn. He blushes.] Uh...

Jake: [Amused] Whoa...

[She walks up to him.]

Princess Bubblegum: [Embracing him] Give me a hug, hero.

[Everyone cheers. Finn embraces her. Suddenly the camera pans menacingly past the crowd and reveals the waving snail—possessed by the Lich. The story ends.]