This is the episode transcript for Caught in a Draft/Bad Rap.
Theme Song (The Plumber Rap: Part 1)[]
Mario: Hey, paisanos! It's the Super Mario Bros. Super Show!
[theme music]
[Singers]
We're the Mario Brothers, and plumbing's our game
We're not like the others who get all the fame
If your sink is in trouble, you can call us on the double
We're faster than the others, you'll be hooked on the brothers. Uh!
H-hooked on the brothers
Gimme gimme, gimme gimme
Yo, you're in for a treat, so hang on to your seat
Get ready for adventure and remarkable feats
You'll meet Koopa, the Troopas, the Princess and the others
Hanging with the plumbers, you'll be hooked on the brothers!
To the bridge!
Uh, uh!
I said-a h-h-h-h-hooked on the brothers!
The brothers!
The brothers!
Caught in a Draft: Part 1[]
Mario: Okay, Luigi, I'm tightening the pestoris.
Luigi: It's not the pestoris, the belt doesn't go into the poltergeist very smoothly.
Mario: I can hold it with this, I'll put it down on top.
Luigi: Never mind, the steam is gonna start going out of here in a minute.
[doorbell ringing]
Mario: Who's there?
Sgt. Slaughter: Sgt. Slaughter. And I'm here to train you bozos for a special secret government mission! So don't just stand there! Drop and give me ten!
Luigi: Hold it, hold it, Mario, take it easy. Excuse me, uh, uh, sir, Sergeant, sir. No disrespect, but how do we really know that you're here on a government secret mission?
Sgt. Slaughter: I'll read you my top secret government orders. [whispering]
Luigi: I don't hear anything.
Sgt. Slaughter: I told you, they're top secret.
Luigi: I believe you, sir.
Sgt. Slaughter: Now, I'm gonna give you a little test to see if you can be trusted with top government security.
Mario: Did you hear that, Luigi? The Sergeant's gonna give us a test to see if we're trustworthy!
Sgt. Slaughter: Now the whole neighborhood knows. You failed the test. Get down and give me ten! Or I'll start kicking some butt.
Luigi: Well, now that you've explained that clearly, scary person.
Mario: You sure have a way with words, Sergeant, sir.
Mario [vo]: The Super Mario Bros. Super Show will return.
Mario [vo]: Now back to the Super Mario Bros. Super Show.
The Plumber Rap: Part 2[]
[theme music]
Here we go, yo!
It's the Mario Brothers, and plumbing's their game
Found the secret warp zone while working on the drain
Lend the Princess a hand in the Mushroom Land
Join the action with the plumbers, you'll be hooked on the brothers!
Now, evil Koopa and his Troopas are up to misbehaving
They kidnapped the Princess, Mushroom Land needs saving
Amusing and confusing, everybody discovers
They can't help but be hooked on the brothers. Uh!
Bad Rap[]
(The episode opens to the Mario gang at the entrance of Rap Land, a land full of buildings made out of giant speakers and other audio machines. In the background, recording screeching can be heard.)
Mario: (narrating) Plumber's Log number 2-2-4, Rap Land isn't rapping anymore. Koopa took their king and their money too. We're here to figure out what to do.
(Princess Toadstool gasps as two Rap Land citizens, who are all dressed like rockers, mindlessly walk past the Mario gang on a keyboard shaped path. Both of them are holding a sack of gold coins.)
Princess Toadstool: I'll bet Koopa's gonna get that gold.
Toad: But how's he making 'em do what they're told?
(King Koopa's voice comes out over the speakers.)
King Koopa: I'm Rapping Koopa, do what I say. Bring me your gold coins right away.
(More people walk past the Mario gang mindlessly. Two big, fat, bald twins in sunglasses, known as the Flab Boys, one in a yellow sweater, one in orange, squeeze their way through the entrance sign and land in front of the Mario gang.)
Mario Gang: (gasp)
Flab Boy #1: We're the Flab Boys, hi dee ho, this Koopa dude, got to go.
Flab Boy #2: He trapped King James in his castle. To get him out, it's gonna be a great big hassle.
Flab Boy #1: Koopa's bad rap done something to town, but earphones saved us from his sound.
(Flab Boy #1 points to the earphones on his head.)
Mario: Well, let's get snapping and stop Koopa's rapping.
(The Mario Gang follow the Flab Boys towards the castle itself, which is shaped like a reel-to-reel. King Koopa, who wears sports sunglasses, a necklace with a golden K medallion, and a goatee, is inside, sitting in a DJ booth.)
King Koopa: (through a microphone) Attention, Rap Land, here's a flash, Rapping Koopa wants all your cash.
(King Koopa walks over to King James, a man who resembles James Brown, who is tied up and positioned on a giant record player.)
King Koopa: Ha ha ha. Yo, King James, you're a dweeb. I run Rap Land, I'm never gonna leave.
King James: Koopa, you're tough, you ugly fang face. My Flab Boys' gonna free me from this place. Ow!
(King Koopa shoves King James, who spins around on the turntable. He then looks through a telescope.)
King Koopa: Flab Boys, slab boy, hey, hey, hey.
(King Koopa sees the Mario gang and the Flab Boys sneaking towards the castle.)
King Koopa: What? Those plumber punks are headed this way?
Flab Boy #1: Well, here's the place, it's all going down.
(At the entrance to the castle, people hand a Troopa their sacks of gold coins, which are tossed into a pile.)
Flab Boy #2: Gotta do something quick, or he'll ruin the town!
(Flab Boy #2 runs towards the castle, but Mario grabs him.)
Mario: Princess, Luigi, help me grab. We gotta stop this mound of flab.
(Princess Toadstool, Luigi, and Toad grab onto Mario and together they manage to pull Flab Boy #2 over.)
Mario: Slow down, Flab Boy, I have a plan. And guess what, Princess? You're our man.
Princess Toadstool: (gasps)
(The next thing she knows, she is wearing sunglasses and a large cap, and walking towards the castle in a line with the other people. Toad, who's hiding in her sack, pokes his head out. Every part of his head but his eyes is covered by coins.)
Toad: Be careful, Princess, just be cool.
Princess Toadstool: We'll sneak you inside and surprise that Koopa fool.
Koopa Troopa: Give me your money, Rap Land lady.
(Princess Toadstool gives the Troopa the sack. When he tosses the sack onto the pile...)
squeak
Koopa Troopa: Something's going on, something shady.
King Koopa: (over the speakers) Attention, Troopas, that lady's a fake!
(A Troopa knocks off the Princess' disguise.)
Princess Toadstool: Uh-oh, boys, we made a mistake.
(The Mario Bros. and the Flab Boys are hiding behind a speaker.)
Luigi: Yo, something tells me our plan's not right.
Mario: We're in deep water, boys, come on, let's fight.
(One of the Troopas ties up Princess Toadstool.)
Princess Toadstool: Let go of me, you Troopa bum!
(The Mario Bros. and the Flab Boys run up to Princess Toadstool.)
Mario: Don't worry, Princess, here we come.
(The Flab Boys' weight shakes the ground as they step, causing the Mario Bros. to lose their balance.)
Mario: Hold on there, Flab Boys, try to stay still.
Luigi: If the Troopas don't get us, you guys will.
Flab Boy #1: Sorry, Bros, we got carried away.
(Flab Boy #2 helps the Mario Bros. up.)
Flab Boy #2: We're just in a hurry to save the day!
(The Troopas carry Princess Toadstool into the castle. The Mario Bros. run after them, while the Flab Boys throw records at one of the Troopas.)
Flab Boy #1: Take that!
Flab Boy #2: Take that!
Flab Boy #1: Take that, Troopa!
Flab Boy #2: Our airplay assaults will knock you for a loopa.
(Toad jumps out of the sack and follows the Troopas.)
Mario: You slimy reptile! Let her go!
(Mario hurls his plunger at the Troopas that are holding Princess Toadstool, which knocks them and Princess Toadstool into the air.)
Princess Toadstool: All right, nice shot, Mario! Oh!
(Princess Toadstool lands in King Koopa's claws.)
King Koopa: I gotcha now, you little fungus queen.
(Mario points at the sky, where several Albatoss are flying towards them and dropping Bob-ombs. King Koopa runs inside the castle and shuts the doors.)
King Koopa: Now let Koopa teach you the meaning of mean.
Luigi: These Bob-ombs birds ain't dropping cannolis. We'd better split them before we're holeys!
Mario: You said cannolis, I'm ready to eat. In fact, it's lunchtime, good time to retreat.
(Fades to the DJ room. King Koopa ties Princess Toadstool and King James together on the record player.)
Princess Toadstool: Koopa, your rap's rotten, just like you!
King James: Good rap will win, before we're through.
(King Koopa pulls a lever and starts the record player.)
King Koopa: Get a grip, you two, you're so, so wrong. I think they're playing my favorite song.
(As the turntable spins, the needle slowly lowers itself downwards.)
King Koopa: I got me a Princess and the King of Rap, and they're gonna get the point of my Koopa trap.
Mario [vo]: Be right back, paisanos.
Mario [vo]: Mama mia, it's a Super Mario Bros. cartoon!
(When it fades back, King Koopa looks through the telescope again and a Troopa runs up to him.)
Koopa Troopa: Your royal Koopaness! Uh, uh, eh.
(Toad walks up to the doors to the DJ room and peeks through the keyhole. King Koopa picks up the Troopa and throws him.)
King Koopa: I know! I know! Those faucet freaks got away!
(The Troopa goes flying out the doors, and Toad sneaks in.)
King Koopa: Too bad, losers, I've gotta run. There's a lot more dirty work that's gotta be done.
(King Koopa leaves, with the needle just inches above the Princess and King James.)
Toad: One more spin'll be the end of you two.
(Toad turns off the record player and begins to untie Princess Toadstool and King James.)
Princess Toadstool: Toad, you're the best! Thank you, thank you!
(Fades to outside the castle. The Mario Gang, King James, and the Flab Boys are sitting down in a circle.)
King James: Rap Land's still not safe from that Koopa thug. We gotta cut his power. Pull the royal plug!
(King James points to a dam, where a huge cord is plugged into an equally huge outlet.)
Mario Gang: (gasp in horror)
King Koopa: (over the speakers) I'll get you all and those plumber punks! Then I'll break you up into little bitty chunks!
(Fades to the dam. The group is standing on a platform, and above them is the outlet. Up close, electricity can be seen surging through the cord and through wires across Rap Land.)
Flab Boy #1: There it is! Rap Land's power.
Luigi: You won't catch me touching that thing, sparkles like that can really sting!
Mario: I'll do it, Luigi! Give me a boost.
(Luigi gets on top of the Flab Boys, and Mario gets on top of Luigi.)
Mario: This is the only way to cut Koopa's juice.
(Mario jumps up and grabs the cord, only to get electrocuted.)
King James: You're gonna get hurt. Just let go!
[Mario yelling]
(He powers up to Super Mario.)
Luigi: Look, he's becoming Super Mario.
(Mario pulls the plug, and a huge cloud of smoke wafts out of the outlet. Mario then throws the cord away.)
Flab Boy #2: Mario, what a dude.
Flab Boy #1: You sprained Koopa's scheme.
King James: Now it's time to sing a super rap. You know what I mean? Yeow!
(King James attempts to shake Mario's hand, but he gets electrocuted. Everyone laughs. Fades to the castle. King Koopa puts up his sunglasses and looks around.)
King Koopa: Troopas, let's split and mount an attack!
(King Koopa trips.)
King Koopa: Ow, that hurt! Ooh, ow, ack!
(Fade back to Mario and the others, who've set up a DJ table and two stereos.)
Mario: Koopa will be here soon, we have to be ready.
(Mario puts on a pair of sunglasses. Luigi shows him a plate of half eaten spaghetti.)
Luigi: Wait, Mario, you forgot your spaghetti.
(The song of the instrumental version of "Motor City" starts up. Toad puts on a military helmet and walks off. Princess Toadstool and King James each grab a stereo and walk off. The Flab Boys bounce off. Toad goes to hide in a hole. Princess Toadstool and King James put down the stereos and insert a CD into each of them. They each pull a lever and the CDs go flying and explode. The Princess and King James give each other five.)
Mario: Okay, guys, we're ready to rumble! Bad rap Koopa's about to tumble!
King Koopa: That's it, Mario, now you're had! It's me and you, and I'm rapping mad!
(The Albatoss drop the Bob-ombs. The song ends. Luigi starts spinning the turntables, and Mario speaks through a microphone.)
Mario: Koopa, you're crazy.
Luigi: That's it, Mario, show 'em who's boss!
Mario: Princess, King, stop those Albatoss!
(Princess Toadstool and King James launch CDs at the Albatoss. They blow up and the birds fall down. One of them lands on King Koopa's head.)
Mario: Goodness gracious, bless my soul! It's time to do the Flab Boys' bowl!
(The Flab Boys somersault down a hill, knocking all the Troopas aside. They then get up, bounce their bodies together, and give each other five. King Koopa takes off his table and throws it on the ground.)
King Koopa: Stupid Flab Boys think you're so funny! Well, I'm not leaving here without all that money!
Luigi: Holy cannoli, we're in a real fuss! He's gonna make meatballs out of us!
Mario: Don't worry, Luigi, he talks a big load. You forgot our secret weapon, mighty Mushroom Toad!
(King Koopa runs past Toad, who sticks his hands out of the hole and trips King Koopa.)
Mario: Well, Koopa, this time you're through.
Flab Boys: One false move and we'll sit on you!
King Koopa: I guess you're right, so all I can say...
(King Koopa pulls out a potion. He throws it and it creates a door.)
King Koopa: Now that I've Kooped, I'll run away!
(King Koopa runs into the door and it disappears.)
(Fades to the castle, where a crowd is cheering outside. The Mario Gang are in the DJ room with King James and the Flab Boys.)
Princess Toadstool: In the end, Koopa's gone! And Rap Land's got a brand new song!
Flab Boy #1: It's about these dudes who deserve a pack.
Flab Boy #2: That's why we call it the Mario Rap!
(The Flab Boys bounce their bodies together and give each other five. Flab Boy #1 throws a record over to Toad, who puts it on a turntable and starts playing the Plumber Rap. Everyone dances during the song. When it ends, King James presents Mario with a crown.)
King James: Mario, Mario, you're so cool! You're number one in a rapping duel!
(King James places the crown on Mario's head and everyone cheers. The episode then fades to black.)
Caught in a Draft: Part 2[]
Sgt. Slaughter: Let's do it one more time! (in a drill sergeant chant) One, two, three, four, push those buns around the floor. Pull those chin ups, pull 'em high!
Mario: (chanting) I'd rather be eating pizza pie.
Sgt. Slaughter: (chanting) Pull down.
Luigi: (chanting) One, two.
Sgt. Slaughter: (chanting) Pull down.
Luigi: (chanting) Three, four.
Sgt. Slaughter: Okay, forget about it! Back over here on the double! Move it! Move it! Move it! Attent-hut! About face! About face! I said, about face! Right shoulder, arms! Left shoulder, arms! Right shoulder, arm! Left shoulder, arm! Right shoulder, arms! Left shoulder, arm! Right shoulder, arm!
Mario: Why he won't make up his mind?!
Luigi: Don't make trouble!
Sgt. Slaughter: Right shoulder, arm! Attent-hut! All right! About face! Right face! Left face! Forget about it! Look at me! Look at me! All right! Now, present arms! No! No! What's wrong with you guys? All right, parade rest!
Mario: Good idea. You go to the parade.
Luigi: Right, sarge, we'll rest.
Sgt. Slaughter: No! No, you meatballs, it's never gonna work.
Luigi: He's hollering again.
(After a Mario head transition...)
Mario and Luigi: (chanting) Keep your seat, don't get no snack. After scenes from Zelda, we'll be right back.
Luigi: (chanting) Sound off.
Mario: (chanting) One, two.
Caught in a Draft: Part 3[]
Sgt. Slaughter: Against all odds, I whipped you guys into shape! Now you're gonna go out there and face torture! Brutality! And certain death. For mom, apple pie, and the flag! What do you say about that, boys?
[snoring]
Sgt. Slaughter: This just ain't gonna work.
[phone rings]
Luigi: (salutes) Top secret government spies Mario and Luigi reporting for duty, sir!
Mario: Torture me and I'll tell you everything I know.
Luigi: You'll never find out from me that the money's in the safe, the recipe for the marinara sauce is in the toilet tank, and Mario sucked his thumb until he was 21!
Sgt. Slaughter: As you were. Sgt. Slaughter at your service, sir. Yes, sir, Mr. President. I've got the Super Mario Brothers, as ready as they'll ever be, sir. Mistake? You mean you want Ratagator? Certainly, sir. Very clever of you, sir. I couldn't agree more with you, sir. No, sir, I don't want a puppy. Give my military regards to the Mrs. (hangs up) Ratagator! Front and center! I want you at Fort Gibs, at 21 hours, on the double!
Luigi: Mario, can you keep a secret?
Mario: Sure. Plumber's honor.
Luigi: He's gone.
[snoring]
Mario [vo]: Hey, there's more super surprises after this!
Ending Segment[]
Mario: 'Til next time, everybody.
Mario and Luigi: Do the Mario!