Pigmalion/Transcript

Pigmalion
Season 1, Episode 11b
Written by	LegoKyle14 & Magmon47
Directed by	LegoKyle14
Episode guide
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Here's the episode 22nd from Season 1 from Winnie the Pooh Goes Back at the Barnyard. Here's a Transcript.

The Beginning

(The animals and heroes are in the farmer's house)

• Pip: (bouncing on the couch) Jackknife. Swan dive.
• Abby: Pass the popcorn.
• Pip: Cannonball. (falls in the popcorn) Mm, buttery.
• Wanda: (moans)
• Duke: Hey, come on, hooves off the table. Would you please use your coasters? Ugh, I should have never let you guys in here.
• Otis: Duke, chill, the farmer's at the world rutabaga summit which means we can kick it in peace.
• Timmy Turner: Yeah, Duke, quit being a worry pooch.
• -Man, you're such a worrier.
• -You're just like Rabbit when we miss a spot.
• Rabbit: Well excuse me for worrying about detail.
• -Either way, we'll clean this mess up before the farmer gets back.
• -Yeah so we have nothing to worry about.
• -It will be like we were never here.
• Pig: Hey, who wants fudge-covered cheese-pops with ranch dressing?
• Everyone: (exclaiming)
• Sunset Shimmer: These cheese pops are good.
• Tigger: Yeah, especially with these nuts in them.
• Luna: Whoa, guys, are you feeling alright? I'm not feeling too good myself.
• Lori: Pig, what exactly did you put in those cheese pops?
• Pig: Here's the thing. I couldn't find any nuts, so I used stink beetles.

(Everyone gets grossed out)

• Tigger: (in disgusts) Yuck! Tiggers don't not like stink beetles.
• Otis: Ok, everybody, settle down, guys. Pampered Pets is starting.

(Everyone grabs a seat)

• Pip: (got sit on by Pig) Hey, move your butt.
• Pig: Oh how's this? (slide back)
• Host: This week we set sail for Castle Fripplehoot. Where Prince Fripplehoot treats his pigs like royalty.

(Everyone's amazed)

• Cosmo: So fancy.
• Winnie the Pooh: You said it.
• Host: It's only the best for these high-born hogs as they savor luxuries most animals can only dream of. But only porkers from the same royal lineage can park it at this piggy palace. Just look for the tell-tale birthmark on their pampered heinies.
• Timmy Turner: That place looks so awesome.
• -You said it.
• -What do think of being royal like those pigs, Perry?
• Perry: (chatters)
• -It would be totally amazing if we could live like royalty.
• -Sure would him.
• Sunset Shimmer: But you heard him. The only way we would ever be there if a pig had a crown birthmark.
• Tigger: Yeah. What are the odds of that?
• Pip: Hey, Pig's got the same birthmark. Which I'll probably see in my nightmares tonight.
• Otis: You're joking, right? Show the butt, pig-ster.
• Pig: Here you go. (shows his rear and everyone was surprised)
• Otis: Pig. Have you ever looked at your own butt?
• Pig: Um...
• Otis: You've got the royal birthmark.
• Piglet: Do you know what this means, Pig?
• Pig: Yes, yes... no.
• Otis: It means you come from the same family as those pigs. By this time next week, buddy, you could be living the good life.
• Pig: Wow, the good life. I'm imagining it now. (sees himself sleeping in the mud) Wait a minute, I think I'm already living the good life.
• Otis: Yeah, but if this Fripplehoot Weiner invites you to live at the castle we can come along as your entourage.

(Everyone gets excited until Freddy says he want to eat royal chickens)

• Eeyore: What?
• Freddy: I mean i want to meet royal chickens....and....have...Jam and bread.
• Otis: Oh, ok.
• Wanda: Sure you do?
• Pig: Well, I don't want to stomp on anyone's dreams, I'm in.
• Winnie the Pooh: Now all we need is a camera.
• -Here's one's right here.
• Wait, that's the--! (Suddenly Cadance split in multiple Candace's) Separator.
• : Don't worry, Pig. I got ya.1, 2, 3. (presses the button which fires a pie at Lola's face) Oops, sorry! Wrong camera.
• -Does anyone has a camera that won't make things go terribly wrong?
• Sunset Shimmer: I think I know just the person. (on her phone) Hey, it's me how fast can you get here?

(A knocking comes at the door)

• Tigger: Say, who are you?
• Photo Finish: I am Photo Finish.
• Sunset Shimmer: She's a student who goes to my school. Listen I need you take a few pictures of my friend here.
• Photo Finish: Say no more. Photo Finish will capture... the magics.
• Otis: Alright Photo, break out the camera, we got butt pictures to fax.
• Pip: We need the wide angle.
• Photo Finish: (snaps her fingers and her assistants appears setting the stage) Alright Piggy, show me passion. (takes tons of pictures) Yes! Yes! No! No! Enough, i go! (speeds out)
• Otis: Wow, uh, 300 gives me a lot to choose from.
• Sunset Shimmer: Yeah, she always overdoes it.
• Otis: (Puts a picture in the fax machine) Now we wait. (Fax machine rings) Fantastic, I hate waiting.
• Pip: Me too.
• Otis: (in British accent) Piney Oaks Farms.
• Trucker: Yeah, hi. I just got this butt fax--
• Otis: (shudders) Wrong number. (Fax machine ringing) (in British accent) Hello?
• Fripplehoot: This is Prince Fripplehoot.
• Otis: Oh, the prince, yes, good. Lord Mayor Inspector Professor Otis speaking. [Laughs nervously] I see you've acquired the butt-fax. We shall start filling our wardrobes with our things.
• Fripplehoot: Not so fast. Your pig may be royal, but to live at Castle Fripplehoot he must behave like a royal. The pigs and I will arrive in three days to assess his suitability, ta-ta. (hangs up)
• Piglet: What did he say?
• Otis: Guys, we got three days to turn pig into a well-bred gentlemen.
• Cosmo: Can't be that hard.
• Pig: (playing in the mud) Save me, Mudman, save me! I'll save you, lady. Armpit fart activate. (pit farts)
• Pip: We're hosed.
• Otis: Super-hosed.

The Middle

• Otis: All right, let's begin.
• Abby: Right, says in this book that a true gentleman is always clean and pleasant-smelling.
• Cosmo: (smells Pig) Mud pig smell. (faints)
• Otis: Clear!

(Freddy and Peck sprays Pig with a hose)

• Abby: Now this here page says, "Table manners are the heart of the distinguish gentlemen"
• Pig: So, uh, why is pip attaching electrodes to me?
• Rabbit: Negative reinforcement.
• Otis: Exactly Rabbit. Each time you do something messy or uncouth, Pip will administer tiny shocks to your body.
• Pig: Hey, I'm not sure I like the sound of...(gets shocked)
• Pip: We're up and running.
• Otis: Oh, excellent, guys, lunch is served.
• Pig: Ooh, good, pizza. (gets shocked again)
• Abby: "A Gentleman should always use a knife and a fork."
• Pig: Ah. (He ate piece of the pizza and then he gets shocked again)
• Abby: Don't chew with your mouth open.
• Pig: Fine. (gets shocked again) Hey, what was that for?
• Rabbit: Pip!
• Pip: Paw slipped.
• Pig: Oh, forget you guys. I'm starving. (gets shocked a lot)
• Pooh: Are you quite alright, Pig?
• Pig: Now that hit's the spot. (falls over)

(For the next few days, everyone tried to help Pig, but he kept doing stuff like eating a live snail and squirting tea out of his nose)

• Otis: So, after 3 days of hard work with Pig, we accomplished...
• Pig: Huh? (Pig pulls a piece of cheese out of his armpit) Hey!

(Everyone is depressed)

• Otis: Pig, what gives? I mean, this is our one chance to live the good life and you're barely trying.
• Pig: No, I am trying, Otis. There's just too much pressure.
• Otis: Pressure, what pressure, what are you talking about?
• Wanda: At least we have a few hours left.
• Eeyore: Could be worse.
• Timmy: How could it be worse?
• Pip: (looks outside) It's the prince.
• Eeyore: See?
• Otis: Ok, Pig, our entire future is riding on what you say and do next!
• Pig: Eep.
• Otis: Welcome to Piney Oaks, Prince Fripplehooters.
• Fripplehoot: Fripplehoot!
• Otis: yes, quite.
• Fripplehoot: May I see the pig?
• Otis: Yes, of course, your princefulness. Present the pig!
• Sunset Shimmer: As you wish, your highness. Bring the pig!

(Pig comes out acting royal until he accidentally rips one)

• Otis: Oh, oh, that was my chattery bottom. Anyway, there, you can clearly see his birthmark and as you can see, he is clearly a gentleman so, uh, done deal, am I right, where do we sign?
• Fripplehoot: Aubrey, Max. (Brings his pigs) I'll let his fellow royals determine his worthiness. If they take to him, he may come to live at the castle. See you in 12 hours. (leaves)
• Otis: Have a good 12. (whispers) Do whatever you have to do to make them like you. (out loud) 'Kay, bye. (whispers) Whatever you have to do. (out loud) 'Kay, you kids have fun. (whispers) I'm not kidding, whatever...
• Pig: I get it.
• Max: Look, let's cut this short, shall we? Cousin or not, you're clearly not royal material.
• Aubrey: Look at his silly, little face.
• Pig: Aw, come on, guys, I'm real sophisticated. Give me a shot.
• Aubrey: [sighs] Oh, very well. Shall we repair to the mudhole?
• Pig: Yeah, let's do it. Uh, I mean, uh, after you.
• Max: Thank you, or should I say, "You're a dirty peasant."

(They both laughed, and then the next day)

• Pig: 'Kay, fellows, check it out. "Pig-Abunga..." (He splattered mud at Aubrey and Max)
• Aubrey: You've splatted us, you horrible fellow.
• Pig: What wrong, don't you guys like mud-diving?
• Max: Now I shall have to soak myself in rosewater for a week.
• Duke: (Walks in with two towels) Excuse me, gentlemen. Lord Otis sent me over here with some towels.
• Pig: Aw, thanks, Duke, buddy.
• Max: "Duke, buddy'? That's what you call the help?
• Aubrey: Entirely too familiar.
• Pig: Uh, what I meant to say was, uh, "Hey, flea-bag, these towels are too poofy."
• Max: Yes, much better.
• Aubrey: Quite.
• Max: Yes.
• Pig: Hey, work with me, Duke. I think I know how to win these guys over, ok? You Butt-sniffing hydrant jockey. This is what I think of your impudence. (He slap Duke with a towel and keeps hit him with it until he fell at the mudhole) And that's for making eye contact.
• Max: He shows promise. So what's next?
• Aubrey: Oh, let's have a round of croquet. Then flick more bottoms. [Laughs]
• Pig: Great job, buddy.
• Duke: [Growls]

(Later that day)

• Freddy: Your mallet, my liege.
• Pig: Thanks, Freddy, er... I mean, you stupid weasel. Look at this mallet, it's not even spit-shined.
• Freddy: Uh, right, uh, terribly sorry. I'll spit on it immediately. (Gets slapped with a glove)
• Pig: Not now, you idiot, it's too late.
• Peck: (hit with croquet ball) I'm ok.
• Pig: Darn, shanked it.
• Cosmo: Don't worry, your majesty. I got this. (throws his ball but it lands right back into him and Wanda) Did I win?
• Pig: Yeah, for biggest imbeciles.
• Max: We like the cut of your jib, old man.
• Aubrey: Let's have some tea, oh, I'm famished.

(Later that day)

• Abby: More marmalade, master pig?
• Pig: Thank you, Abby, f.y.i., you're a doofus.
• Abby: (leaves depressed)
• Max: We simply adore how cruel you are to the help.
• Aubrey: Yes... You do have some rough edges, to be sure but only because you live amongst the rabble.
• Pig: Oh, and how the rabble vex me.
• Aubrey: there's a hundred-dollar word.
• Max: Oh, I like it.
• Abby: (accidentally drops tea) Oops. Sorry, sir.
• Pig: That's ok, my fault, I mean... You clumsy, oafish nincompoop. Look what you did.
• Abby: (leaves crying)
• Sunset Shimmer: That's going to too far, Pig.
• Pig: Oh, like you never went to far before, you brainless idiot.
• Sunset Shimmer: That really hurts. (leaves depressed)
• Aubrey: That seemed rather hostile.
• Max: Downright cruel.
• Aubrey: yes.
• Max: He's in.
• Aubrey: Done and done.
• Max: Welcome, welcome, welcome.

The Ending

(Later outside where the gang is complaining about Pig)

• Freddy: He slapped me with a glove.
• Peck: He hit me with a croquet ball.
• Wanda: He called us imbeciles!
• Abby: He called me an oafish nincompoop.
• Sunset Shimmer: He called me a brainless idiot.
• Timmy Turner: They turned Pig into a complete royal jerk!
• Otis: Whoa-whoa-whoa, guys, guys, look. I know Pig, and I am sure that once he's away from those porky snobs he'll be the same charming blob of goo we all know and love.
• Pig: Good morrow, commoners. Uh, someone draw me a foot-bath.
• Wanda: You were saying?
• Otis: Wow, Pig, what's the deal, why are you being so mean to everybody?
• Pig: What, was just getting on max and Aubrey's good side like you wanted me to.
• Abby: But you don't have to be such a jerk about it.
• Freddy: Yeah.
• Duke: You're one of us, remember?
• Pig: Hey, you're the ones who got me into this, so don't yell at me.
• Pip: Guys, guys, the prince is back.
• Fripplehoot: (comes back with a crown) The pigs have spoken. Your pig may co to live at Castle Fripplehoot.
• Otis: Awesome.. is what an american would say. Uh, "ducky" is much more our vernacular. Now he'll be bringing 20 or so other animals with him uh, servants, poker buddies and whatnot.
• Fripplehoot: No-no-no-no-no, out of the question. No non-royals allowed.

(Everyone gasps)

• Fripplehoot: Now I'll be right back with the royal affidavits.
• Pig: Otis, I..
• Otis: It's all right, Pig. Just 'cause we can't live the good life doesn't mean you should miss out.
• Fripplehoot: Just sign here, Lord Mayor Inspector Professor and your pig will begin his glorious, new life.

(Otis was nervously about to sign until Pig lets out a humongous belch so loud it broke California)

• Timmy Turner: I feel like California just broke from the country.
• Aubrey: It's...inhuman.
• Pig: Ok, you snotty, little trolls. Let's go to your stupid castle.
• Max: I'm afraid you're not coming with us.
• Aubrey: I shan't look at him any longer. I feel faint.
• Max: There, there, Aubrey. Let us leave this terrible place.

(Both Pigs takes Fripplehoot and leaves)

• Pig: Guys, come back. Hey, I found a pickle under my third chin.
• Otis: Pig, why'd you do that? I mean, why'd you throw away your one chance to live the good life?
• Pig: Like I say before, Otis. Living here with you guys, I'm already living the good life.

(Everyone awed and group hug)

• Pig: Now who wants to roll around in their own filth?

(Everyone was excited until they changed their mind)

• Pig: More for me.

THE END