This is the film script for Ryan's Adventures of Crash Twinsanity.
Script[]
Opening:[]
TBA/[]
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[A skunk looks at the camera]
Skunk: Hey, hey, hey! Yeah, you! I've been doing this for 10 stinking years! Back and forward, back and forward! AND I'M SICK OF IT!!! [stands on two] Well, I'm not gonna do it no more!
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Dr. Neo Cortex: Surprised to see me, Crash?
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Dr. Neo Cortex: [continuing] Like the fleas in your fur, I keep coming back.
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Dr. Neo Cortex: Three years I spent alone in the frozen Antarctic wastes. And I missed you. [] And so, I’ve organised a little gathering. [] Like a birthday party except… The exact opposite.
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Dr. Neo Cortex: And look, all your friends are here. You are so very popular. Let's start handing out the presents.
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Dr. Neo Cortex: This is from Tiny. This is from Dingodile. Ripper Roo, you shouldn't have. Pinstripe, how thoughtful. Oh dear, two of the same! But don't worry, I kept the receipt.
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Dr. Neo Cortex: Here’s one gift you can return.
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Dr. Neo Cortex: Meet your brand new hydrologically operated twin brother; MECHA BANDICOOT!
TBA[]
TBA[]
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Dr. Neo Cortex: You have to help me, Crash. You heard them. They wanted to destroy our island home, humiliate and slave you and steal my brain! How I envy the simple life of a tribe’s folk…
[The camera sees Papu Papu and he belly dances and makes the same sound as Aku Aku when collected. Two tribesfolk clap for him.]
Dr. Neo Cortex: Living in harmony with Mother Nature, the noble boar, the humble bumblebee… [bees start to sting him] YAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
/Getting rid of worms[]
[Crash and Cortex with Ryan, Meg and their friends meet up with Farmer Earnest]
Farmer Earnest: Oh, Crash. The farmer's market is tomorrow and my Wumpa trees won't grow. For my orchard is riddled with greedy worms. If you rid my land of these pests, I'll give you this Power Crystal.
[Then, Cortex shoots down the farmer. He looks at the camera]
Dr. Neo Cortex: I'm an evil scientist. What do you expect? This isn't a game.
Foiletta: [dumbfounded] Um... [whispers to Ryan] You know, Ryan, what Cortex said just now, technically it is a game.
Ryan Freestar: [whispers] I know.
TBA[]
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Victor: Ahh… I tell ya, you guys have been doing swell. Just swell. Anyhow, we've been taking in the sights of N-Sanity Island here. Nice digs. So much to see, so much to destroy! You got the native village, the lava caves, the totem gods..
Moritz: Yeah! Back in the Tenth Dimension, we don't have anything near as nice as the totem gods. The vivid colours, the intricate carving, you know. It's almost as if they're alive! [chuckles]
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Victor: Almost…
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Victor: EXACTLY as if they're alive.
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Victor: Aw, nuts!
Moritz: There's nuts?
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Victor: Well, ya gave it your best shot. But even now, our Visa-Versa Reversa Device is in operation, sucking the goodness out of this dimension and leaving behind the worst of all possible worlds! We just like making a mess.
TBA/Fight against Uka Uka[]
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Dr. Neo Cortex: Before you rises a cathedral of diabolical genius! Scary, but in the wrong hands, this Iceburg lair could do much… goodness in the world. Of course. Only I have the key. Observe.
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Dr. Neo Cortex: Follow me! I know… another way.
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[The camera sees an angry penguin talking to Cortex]
Penguin: [angry squawking]
Dr. Neo Cortex: The cheque bounced? Are you sure? Well, the past few years have kind of been slow. Wrath of Cortex didn't do as well as we'd hoped and…
[The penguin squawks angrily at Cortex, causing Cortex to pull out a fish as an offering]
Dr. Neo Cortex: Fish?
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Uka Uka: Free… AGAIN!!!
Dr. Neo Cortex: Mighty Uka Uka!
Uka Uka: Who has released me from my icy tomb?! [] My, my. Can it be? Crash and Cortex? I don't know whether to kiss you or KILL YOU!!!
[Crash makes kissing noises with his mouth to say he was hoping for the first option.
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Uka Uka: I shall return!
Aku Aku: Uka Uka! Wait! An evil greater than even yours threatens to destroy this world.
Uka Uka: NOOOOO!!! That's MY job!
Aku Aku: Divided, we are but two magical masks. Join me, and together, we shall defeat this evil infestation.
Uka Uka: I like a challenge. I accept. This should be fun!
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Aku Aku: The Aku Uka Brothers. Together again.
TBA/[]
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Victor: You see? This is why nobody likes you. A curse on you, Crash Bandicoot! A curse on you all! We shall return!
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Moritz: Oh. Forgot I mentioned the riches thing, huh?
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Aku Aku: Doctor Cortex, what have you done?
Uka Uka: WHO ARE THESE EVIL UPSTARTS!?
Dr. Neo Cortex: I've ruined the lives of so many, I can’t be expected to remember them all.
Uka Uka: Such a big head! Such a tiny brain!
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Aku Aku: If we deliver him to the evil twins, perhaps, they will spare us.
Dr. Neo Cortex: But they'll kill me!
Uka Uka: That's a risk I'M willing to take!
Dr. Neo Cortex: Crash, I've been like a father to you. I created you, nursed you. Uh, try to destroy you. So what do you say? [holds his hand out] With my mighty intellect and your vacuous stupidity, we'll be unbeatable!
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Dr. Neo Cortex: This… is the Psychetron. Gateway to the infinite dimensions. Beyond our universe, somewhere between the 9th and 11th dimensions, lies the mysterious 10th dimension, and there we must go, in order to confront the Evil Twins, steal the riches, and restore the natural order of things, with me on top.
[Cortex is seen at his computer]
Dr. Neo Cortex: We require six power crystals in order to make the leap and we have… four. Hmm. Let's see. [checks his computer] That isn't enough! All is lost! Unless…
TBA/TBA[]
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Dr. Neo Cortex: There! To the sea, I tell you! Our salvation floats upon the briny blue! We must reach N. Gin's battleship and quickly before it set sails! But how? Think, Cortex, think…
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Dr. Neo Cortex: [voice] Coming through! [women scream] Ladies. Excuse me, madam. Are those real?
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Dr. Nefarious Tropy: The rats are leaving the sinking ship. [looks at Crash] Tell us where the treasure is and we'll… let you go.
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Dr. Nefarious Tropy: Silence?
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Dr. Nefarious Tropy: [to N. Brio] Looks like we'll have to wring it out of him. N. Brio? Get changed.
TBA[]
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Dr. Neo Cortex: [weakly] My crystals…
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Dr. Neo Cortex: Ruined! Thanks to perky here.
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Dr. Neo Cortex: Must be repaired. And only one person can help.
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[The camera sees a portrait of Cortex's niece]
Dr. Neo Cortex: Isn't she delightful?
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Dr. Neo Cortex: Obviously, I've made a few modifications here and there.
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Dr. Neo Cortex: Quickly! [the camera sees a picture of his airship] To my private dirigible!
[As he say this line, the camera rotates so it sees a picture of a place as Cortex mention it]
Dr. Neo Cortex: Set a course for Madame Amberley's Academy of Evil!
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Dr. Neo Cortex: I love my airship! It's the only way to fly.
Victor: Hey, hey! So, this is how the rich and the ugly fly?
Moritz: Oh, stewardess? May I have another bag of those spicy peanuts? [chuckles]
Dr. Neo Cortex: I will….
Moritz: [in sing-song] Boo-ring!
[Then, Cortex talks fast thanks to the Evil Twins' power]
Dr. Neo Cortex: [talking fast like Blurr] I shall crush you like the puny runts you are! You are nothing to me, for I am the great and all powerful Neo Cortex! You infantile vermin! How dare you mock, manhandle and manipulate me!? Rest assured, I will take my terrible vengeance upon…!
At the Academy of Evil/[]
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Dr. Neo Cortex: Ahh, the old alma mater. As a former student myself, I'm well acquainted with the many secrets that this institution holds.
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[Cortex is now stuck in a pipe]
Dr. Neo Cortex: I'm stuck! The greatest evil scientist in the WORLD!! Stuck in a pipe.. How could things get any worse?
[Then, Cortex breaks wind]
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Dr. Neo Cortex: Sleep soundly, Nina. Don't fear the night, with its long claws that scratch and sharp teeth that bite. Under the covers, there's no need to hide, for your uncle's the monster and he's on your side!
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Dr. Neo Cortex: [voice] My airship! Without it, we're stranded! Tie it to something secure, I said. Hurry, Nina! Or you'll miss the bus!
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Dr. Neo Cortex: They found us! To the airship! Quickly!
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Madame Amberley: You are in detention!
Dr. Neo Cortex: [terrified] Madame Amberley..!
Madame Amberley: So, Crybaby Cortex is all grown up! I see you found employment as a barber.
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Dr. Neo Cortex: I'm an evil scientist…!
Madame Amberley: A scientist, are ve? To me, you'll always be a little verm.
The origin of the Evil Twins/[]
[Inside his blimp, Cortex remembers something]
Dr. Neo Cortex: Wait! I think… I remember now! The way it happened…!
[He makes a shadow hand puppet of a bird on the wall. His voice echoes as it fades in to a flashback sequence, showing Cortex at eight years old in the Academy of Evil. Young Cortex is at a small control console, fiddling with buttons and levers. Victor and Moritz, still normal parrots at this point, are in a cage behind him. Victor opens the door and attempts to leave the cage]
Young Neo Cortex: Victor! Moritz! Back in your cage, you naughty boys!
[Victor goes back into the cage and closes the door, shuffling his bird feet]
Dr. Neo Cortex: [voice] I was 8 years old and was the most popular student in the academy.
[A dagger flies over Cortex as he ducks. He looks over his shoulder and shrugs. As Cortex narrates, his young self goes to the front of a console and presses some buttons]
Dr. Neo Cortex: [voice] Ah, yes, how they love me. It was my first experiment with the Evolvo-Ray, phase one in my plan to create an army of super-animals! The test subjects; my two pet parrots, Victor and Moritz. The only creatures I didn't loathe… or eat.
[Young Cortex pulls the lever and the prototype Evolo-Ray whirls to life]
Dr. Neo Cortex: [voice] The experiment was proceeding as planned, when suddenly…
[The machine zaps the two birds as Young Cortex covers his eyes. When he uncovered them, he sees an empty cage. His pet parrots are gone]
Dr. Neo Cortex: [voice] My parrots were gone! Lost, amongst the infinite dimensions! I was heartbroken.
[Young Cortex was sad and then, he chuckles]
Dr. Neo Cortex: [voice] How I miss those twins, and how I longed to see them again.
[Young Cortex is at a drawing. It shows the picture of the twins in their cage, them getting zapped and a cage with a question mark]
Dr. Neo Cortex: [voice] But be careful what you wish for, young man.
Young Neo Cortex: [looks at the camera] Back off, grandpa!
[Back to the present with Cortex]
Dr. Neo Cortex: Or your wish will come true…!
Bertram T. Garrison: That is some tragic backstory.
Ryan Freestar: Look, Cortex. The twins and all of this stuff are the result of your messing with the natural sciences.
Dr. Neo Cortex: Oh, I see, Ryan. It's my fault again. I'm only evil because you need me to be.
TBA/Going to a new dimension[]
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Dr. Neo Cortex: Come now, as we explore a new dimension! Should have been two new dimensions but we... ran out of time.
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Dr. Neo Cortex: Your fur is so soft… and warm.
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Dr. Neo Cortex: Evil Crash! No!
TBA[]
Journey to the Evil Twins' stronghold/Treasure room[]
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Dr. Neo Cortex: Victor and Moritz's stronghold of evil…! This is where we wrong the rights, and sweep the past under the rug.
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Dr. Neo Cortex: Oh my. I almost forgot. The treasure!
Dr. Nefarious Tropy (offscreen): Our treasure.
[N. Tropy appears. He is accompanied by N. Gin and N. Brio]
Doctor N. Gin: Yes! We are rich!
Dr. Neo Cortex: That treasure is stolen property!
Dr. Nefarious Tropy: It's a little late to develop a conscience, Doctor.
Dr. Neo Cortex: Personally, I don't care. But I think [points at something] he..
[The camera sees Spyro]
Dr. Neo Cortex: ..might want his gems back?
[Spyro breaths fire at the three villains]
Dr. Neo Cortex: Hahahahaha! Hmmm...
TBA/[]
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Dr. Neo Cortex: Well, well, well. Apparently, you two little rascals have been very busy since the last we saw each other.
Victor: Busy finding a way to meet you again!
[He floats down and faces Cortex]
Victor: Your failed experiment sent two innocent parrots to the Tenth Dimension! The severe reversa-radioactive conditions here sharpened our skills and warped our fragile eggshell minds.
[Victor flies back to his throne]
Victor: Ingredients for a classic recipe in the evil villain cookbook!
[Cortex touches his chin in thought by this]
Moritz: Hehe! You see, Pops? When it comes to evil scientific prowess, we learned from the best.
Dr. Neo Cortex: True. Now… [] PLAYTIME IS OVER!!!
[The camera sees the birdcage
Dr. Neo Cortex: VICTOR! MORITZ! BACK IN YOUR CAGE, YOU NAUGHTY BOYS!
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Victor: What am I doing?! Curse my regimented upbringing! That's it, Cortex! You wanna make up for lost time and play with your pets? So be it…!
The defeat of the Evil Twins/[]
[The camera sees the Evil Twins who are nervous as they walk into Evil Crash's home for shelter. Then, the door slams behind them. Moritz tries knocking on it to get it to open but Victor sees a shadow approaching them. The two sees Evil Crash standing before them. He licks his lips as the scare cord plays]
Evil Crash: Grrrr…
[From his point of view, he sees the Evil Twins as a couple of roast chicken]
Moritz: Oh boy! I love roast chicken.
[We exit his point of view and Victor looks at the camera with one eye]
Victor: Well this is one heck of an ending.
[Evil Crash approaches the twins and then swipes them with his hand, the camera pans to a picture of Evil Crash wearing a Hawaiian shirt as the twins screams and things shake and Evil Crash devour them offscreen. Meanwhile, at the Psychotron in Cortex's Iceburg lair. Cortex does a little chuckle and smiles]
Dr. Neo Cortex: You know, Crash. For all these years, I've been wrong about you.
[Crash smiles by this.
Dr. Neo Cortex: Your creation was a mistake and your existence have been a constant reminder of that mistake.[the Psychotron activates] But I've learned something from all of this. I've learned that you can't run away from your mistakes. But you can [pulls the lever] BURY THEM!!!
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Dr. Neo Cortex: I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR RIDICULOUS FACE AGAIN!!!!!
[The Psycotron starts to collapse and then, it fires a beam at Cortex which shrinks him and transports him into Crash's brain]
Coco Bandicoot: [gasps]
Nina: Huh?
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Dr. Neo Cortex: Wha? Where am I? What is this?
[Cortex looks around his surroundings and then, the camera sees lots of Crash Bandicoots. They look at Cortex and grins and then, they do the Crash Dance at him in sync]
Dr. Neo Cortex: [pulls his hair] AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
[Cortex then cries as the Crashs continue to dance. We pan out and we see Crash. He picks his ear and then, looks at the camera with a grin following by an iris out]
Epilogue: Crash and Cortex's therapy[]
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Therapist (voice): Okay. Now, the two of you have been asked to began these therapy sessions so we can work through the conflict apparent in your relationship. This week, we're going to do a trust exercise. [to Cortex] Cortex, let's start with you. I would like you to fold your arms over your chest, close your eyes and fall backwards.
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Therapist (voice): Okay, Crash. Your job is easy. Just catch Cortex as he falls.