This is the film transcript of Ryan's Adventures of Muppet Treasure Island.
Script[]
Opening:[]
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Billy Bones: I was Flint's first mate that voyage... three days east of Tortola in the Caribbie. Flint knew an Island. That's where we buried the treasure. Gold and blood, they were Flint's trademarks. He'd leave both behind him that day.
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Pirates: [singing] Shiver my timbers, shiver my soul
TBA[]
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Rizzo: [whispers] He's some kind of a blind fiend.
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Gonzo: I believe they prefer "Visually challenged fiend”.
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Billy Bones: The black spot! [screams]
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Rizzo: He died? And this is supposed to be a kids movie!
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Gonzo: We're gonna be rich.
Rizzo: We're gonna be dead.
TBA/TBA/Sailing for Adventure[]
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[We cut to Rizzo. He is selling tickets to rats for their cruise]
Rizzo: Enjoy your cruise, sir. Next! All right, folks, have your cheques made out to Rat Tours Limited. Remember, we put the rat in "Pirate". Why, thank you, Mr Plagueman. Next!
Roll call/Chat at the cabin/Night on the boat[]
[We hear a whistle and we see Mr. Arrow blowing a whistle. He stops]
Mr. Arrow (Sam the Eagle): Roll call! [looks at his scroll] Long John Silver?
Long John Silver: Aye, aye, sir!
Mr. Arrow (Sam the Eagle): Short Stack Stevens?
Short Stack Stevens: Aye!
Mr. Arrow (Sam the Eagle): One-Eyed Jack?
One-Eyed Jack: Aye!
Mr. Arrow (Sam the Eagle): Black-Eyed Pea.
Black-Eyed Pea: Yeah.
Mr. Arrow (Sam the Eagle): Walleyed Pike.
Walleyed Pike: Aye.
Mr. Arrow (Sam the Eagle): Polly Lobster.
Polly Lobster: [squawks and whistles]
Mr. Arrow (Sam the Eagle): Mad Monty.
Mad Monty: Aye.
Mr. Arrow (Sam the Eagle): Sweetums.
Sweetums: Aye.
[They got started by this. Mr. Arrow looks at the list]
Mr. Arrow (Sam the Eagle): Old Tom.
Old Tom: Aye, aye.
Mr. Arrow (Sam the Eagle): Real Old Tom.
Real Old Tom: Aye.
Mr. Arrow (Sam the Eagle): Dead Tom?
[A muppet pirate holds a skeleton and makes it wave]
Muppet Pirate: Aye, aye.
[Kermit whimpers anxiously]
The Great Gonzo: Cool.
Daniel Fortesque (EG): [gulp]
Orla Carolglow: Oh my.
[Smolet and Mr. Arrow look at each other then Mr. Arrow continue the roll call]
Mr. Arrow (Sam the Eagle): Clueless Morgan?
Clueless Morgan: Huh?
Mr. Arrow (Sam the Eagle): Headless Bill. Headless Bill.
[He goes and sees Headless Bill on board. Headless Bill salutes as if he is saying "Aye, aye, sir". Mr. Arrow looks at the scroll]
Mr. Arrow (Sam the Eagle): Big-Fat-Ugly-Bug-Face-Baby-Eating O'Brien?
[We see a female pirate]
Female Pirate: [in a man voice] Aye.
[Everyones jaws drop]
Ruskin "Raice" Landimister: Wired.
Mr. Arrow (Sam the Eagle): Angel Marie.
Angel Marie: Aye, aye.
Kermit: Hmm... hmm... [to Jim, Gonzo, Rizzo, Ryan, Meg and friends] Gentlemen, heroes, may I see you in my cabin? Immediately?
[Later in the cabin]
Kermit: WHO HIRED THIS CREW?! This is undoubtedly the seediest bunch of cutthroats, villains and scoundrels I've ever seen! SO WHO HIRED 'EM?! [pants]
[Jim, Ryan, Meg, the TE and the officers point at Trelawney, who in turn points at his finger]
Kermit: Your finger hired the crew?
Fozzie: No, that's silly. The man who lives in my finger hired the crew; Mr. Bimbo. What? [listens through finger] Ah. Yeah, he relied heavily on the advice of our excellent cook, Long John Silver.
[Kermit sighs and sits back on his chair]
Kermit: A cook? And a guy who lives in a bear's finger?
Fozzie: Exactly!
[Mr. Arrow facepalms]
Kermit: I'm starting to worry about this voyage. [to Jim Hawkins] Jim, I know Billy Bones gave you the treasure map, but I hope you'll give it to me for safekeeping.
Jim Hawkins: I'll be careful with it, sir.
[Long John enters with a bottle of a adult-only drink]
Long John Silver: Beggin' your pardon, gentlemen... but I’ve come with a bit of a treat for you. 'Tis my own best brandy, laid down by the brothers of Buckfast Abbey... vintage 1737... to toast to a prosperous voyage.
Fozzie: Oh, spiffy! [pours himself a glass]
Kermit: I'm sorry, Mr. Silver, but I'm not going to allow drinking on this voyage.
[The crew stare at Silver, then at Smollet]
Fozzie: Oh, well, rules are rules. [tosses the drink out the window]
Long John Silver: Oh, but, sir... 'tis a tradition for the officers to toast to the success of a voyage.
Fozzie: Ah, very true. [pours another drink]
Kermit: No, we must set an example for this questionable crew, especially for some of the under-age members. [motions to some of Ryan, Meg and their team]
Oisin Carolglow: Well, it is okay by me.
Orla Carolglow: Yeah. It is a kids movie after all.
[The TE agree]
Ryan Freestar: I must agree with the captain, Mr. Silver. There will be no consumption of alcohol of any kind.
[Fozzie tosses another drink out the window]
Long John Silver: Oh, sir, but I can vouch for this crew myself. You could sail to heaven and back with these men.
[Fozzie pours another drink]
Kermit: Well, I'm afraid I must disagree with you.
Ryan Freestar: What the captain said.
Fozzie: Oh. [throws yet another drink out the window]
[This time, however, it splashes a female rat, who screams. She, and another female, and a male, come to the window]
Male Rat: You wanna knock it off with the booze? It's peeling the paint off of the shuffleboard court.
Female Rats: Yeah.
Fozzie: Sorry.
Sci-Ryan: [to the rats] Do you three want a refund?
Male Rat: Come on, girls. [the rats leave]
Kermit: And that's that. This conversation is finished.
Long John Silver: I understand, sir. I shall tend to my duty and see to it that every drop of alcohol is thrown overboard.
TBA[]
/Cabin Fever[]
[The scene opens to see the ship stopped at sea. ??. On deck.
Calico Jerry: It's been six weeks since we left England.
Easy Pete: Five days since we had a breeze.
[The scene distorts as the camera looks at Easy Pete's eyes. Sweetums' eyes look as the scene distorts and then, they feel that the madness have taken over them]
Calico Jerry: No.. I've got the madness. [] I got cabin fever!
Easy Pete: I got it too!
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Muppet 1: I got cabin fever
It's burning in my brain
Muppet 2: I got cabin fever
It's driving me insane
3 muppets: We've got cabin fever
We're flipping our bandannas
Pookivil and 3 muppets: Been stuck at sea so long that
We've have simply gone bananas
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Three muppets (): We, we, we got cabin fever
We lost what sense we had
We got cabin fever
We're all going mad
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Lew Zealand: My sanity is hanging by a thread
Since we're going nowhere
I've gone out of my head
Colten, Dave, Alison and Amanda: We were sailing, sailing
Over the bonding main
Marcus Reynolds: And now, we're not! [laughs]
Cowboy shrimp muppet: Grab your partners by the ears
Lash him to the wheel
Do-si-do step on his toe
Listen to him squeal
Allemande left, allemande right
It's time to sail or sink
Swing your partner over the side
Drop him in the drink
Posh female muppet: We've got cabin fever
Posh male muppet: No ifs, ands or buts
Posh female muppet: We're disoriented
Posh male muppet: And demented
Both: And a little nuts
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4 pirates and Ryan and Meg: We were sailing, sailing
The wind was on our side
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Real Old Tom: But then it died
Purple Muppet: I've got cabin fever
I think I lost my grip
Mr. Bitte: I'd like to get my hands on whoever wrote this script
Muppet 3: Si.
Angel Mare: I.. was floating 'neath the tropic moon
And dreaming of a blue lagoon
Now I'm as crazy as a loon
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TBA[]
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TBA[]
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Walleyed Pike: But…But Dead Tom's always been dead. That's why he's called Dead Tom.
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Long John Silver: You dare to give me the black spot?!
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Long John Silver: And drawn on the page from the bible. You tore a page from the holy scriptures to make a pirate's death sentence?
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Long John Silver: OOOOOOOHHHHH! The red hot gates of hell are creeping open! Satan is heatin' his pokers for you, you blasphemous heathens!
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Long John Silver: Fall down on your knees [the pirates do] and beg for deliverance from dam-nation!!
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