This is the film script for Ryan's Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog (2020).
Script[]
Opening/[]
[The logo sequence of Paramount is seen with rings in place of the stars and it fades. Another logo sequence sees a scene from the original Sonic game. The scene gets pulls back to see dozens of games playing at once. The screens form a mosaic which turned into the word "SEGA". A red background is shown and blue letters are shown; "Original film". The camera opens to see San Francisco over the water. Then, we see a blue streak as it was chased by a red streak. The red streak is a jet like craft shooting lasers at the blue streak. We zoom in, revealing the blue streak to be Sonic as he runs through the city streets. A man with goggles and a moustache inside the craft, Dr. Robotnik, grunts and leans back and forth to steer his flying contraption. Eventually, the footage freezes, complete with a vinyl screech]
Sonic the Hedgehog (vo): So, I know what you're thinking. (as the footage starts back up) "Why is that incredibly handsome hedgehog being chased by a madman with a moustache from the Civil War?"
[The chase continues]
Sonic the Hedgehog (vo): Well, to be honest, it feels like I've been running my whole life. Is this too much? Am I going too fast? It's kind of what I do. You know what? Let's back up.
[The movie rewinds include scenes from what's coming up are seen and then, we cut to black.
TBA[]
Enter the villain, Dr. Robotnik/[]
[The next day, several lab technicians and military operatives are investigating the baseball field. Taking samples, scavenging, when suddenly a truck arrives at the scene, followed by several black cars. The leader of this team, Major Bennington, is talking with a nearby soldier...]
Female Soldier: Yes, Major...
[...and as she steps away, both she and Bennington turn around. The camera pans over the front of the truck, revealing a red camera lens at the top of it]
Major Bennington: What the...
[The side of the truck slides down and turns into a stair. And at the top of it appears the star of the show: Dr. Robotnik. His black suit and robe are just as dashing as his hair and sunglasses. His associates, led by Agent Stone, step out of their cars and join their boss, who walks down the staircase and steps to the major, taking his glasses off]
Dr. Robotnik: Are you in charge here?
Major Bennington: Yes, I a...
Dr. Robotnik: (interrupting) Nope!
Major Bennington: M...
Dr. Robotnik: Wrong!
Major Bennington: My name...
Dr. Robotnik: I'm in charge!
Major Bennington: (getting annoyed) ...is—
Dr. Robotnik: Me!
Major Bennington: Major… Ben-
Dr. Robotnik: [whispering] I'm in charge.
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[He points at an insignia Agent Stone is holding up]
Dr. Robotnik: You've never seen anything like this before. It says I'm the top banana in a world full of hungry little monkeys. Allow me to clarify. [turns his head around and makes robot noises. talking fast] In a sequentially ranked hierarchy, based on level of critical importance, the disparity between us is too vast to quantify. (normal, to Agent Stone) Agent Stone?
[Robotnik turns around and takes a few steps away from Bennington]
Agent Stone: The Doctor thinks you're basic.
Dr. Robotnik: I'm initiating a sweep sequence.
[He presses several buttons located on his glove. An LCD display underneath it comes to light]
Dr. Robotnik: Ten miles in every direction should suffice.
[The roof of the truck opens. Several drones, who bear a high resemblance to eggs in both color and shape, hover out of their hiding places]
Dr. Robotnik: (to Agent Stone, his back turned) Is he still looking at me funny?
Agent Stone: Yes, he is.
Dr. Robotnik: Tell him to stop or I'll pull up his search history.
Agent Stone: If you don't stop looking at the Doctor, he'll take a closer look...
Major Bennington: (glaring at Robotnik) I'm not deaf.
Dr. Robotnik: (acting bored) And tell him his men report to me now. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah...
Major Bennington: Excuse me?! Listen, pal. I don't know if you realize who...
Dr. Robotnik: (turning around) Excuse me, Major... What was your name?
Major Bennington: Benning...
Ryvine and Robotnik: Nobody cares!
[Stone smiles at Bennington. Robotnik shakes his head]
Dr. Robotnik: Nobody cares. Listen. Major Nobody Cares. [walks towards him] You know why nobody cares who you are? Because nobody cares about your feeble accomplishments. [walks around Bennington] And nobody cares how proud your mommy is that you're now reading at a 3rd grade level. Have you finished Charlotte’s Web yet? Spoiler alert; she dies in the end and she leaves a big creepy egg sack!
[He then sees his Badniks flying and he is happy]
Dr. Robotnik: Ahh.. My babies! Hoo! Look what came out of my egg sack. You know what I love about machines? They do what they're told. They follow their programming! [turns to faces everyone] They don't need time off to get tipsy and put the boat in the water. Now, you do what you're told, stand over there on the edge of your personal abyss… and watch my machines do your job.
[Bennington glares at his opponent and leaves as Robotnik presses buttons on his glove]
Dr. Robotnik: Can you feel it, Stone?
Agent Stone: I can feel it, Doctor.
Dark Willy: What is this feeling, Ryvine?
Ryvine Sparktron: Dark Willy, you are feeling evolution of technology.
Dr. Robotnik: Ryvine's right. It's evolution, Stone. IT'S EVOLUTION!!!
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TBA[]
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Tom Wachowski: SFPD, pending background check. Paws in the air!
[
Sonic: Uhhh. Meow?
[Tom screams with fright by this and Sonic screams back.
TBA[]
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Sonic: Fine. That's cool. I'm totally cool saying goodbye now.
[Sonic speeds off to San Francisco and then, he came back covered in seaweed and has a fish on his head]
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Sonic the Hedgehog: So, as I crashed into the cold, dark water of the Pacific, I realised a few things. A, I have no idea where I'm going. B, saltwater stings. C, I shouldn't even be on this planet right now, but I am. Why? Because you shot me!
Tom Wachowski: I know.
Sonic the Hedgehog: You shot me!!!
Tom Wachowski: All right, I heard you the first time. You don't have to… pile it on. Good grief.
Sonic the Hedgehog: I'm wet, I'm cold, there's a fish on my head! And clearly, I'm not gonna be able to do this on my own.
[Tom looks at Sonic as the fish falls off his head. Tom sighs]
Tom Wachoski: All right. Get in the truck.
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—
At the Piston Pit/The Big Bar Brawl[]
TBA[]
/The chase on the road to California[]
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Dr. Robotnik: OHHH!!! [] Give me a big fat break!
TBA/[]
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—
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Agent Stone: I just thought you might like a latte with steamed Austrian goat milk.
Dr. Robotnik: Who do I look like, an imbecile? Of course I want a latte. [shouts] I love the way you make them!!
Post credit scenes[]
[We are at the mushroom planet and Robotnik shaved his hair off with a metal blade. He looks at a puddle and his moustache is similar to his video game counterpart]
Dr. Robotnik: My grasp on sanity remains absolute.
[
Dr. Robotnik: Isn't that right, Agent Stone?
[The camera sees that Robotnik is talking to a rock he carved to look like Stone's head. He picks up the rock]
Dr. Robotnik: Why don't you get a head start? [roars as he throws the stone]
[The rock lands with a thud offscreen]
Dr. Robotnik: Do some rock-connaissance. [laughs] Rock-connaissance! Come on! That's hilarious! [punches a mushroom] What's the matter with you?
[As he speaks, he grabs his backpack with his device to be his diary]
Dr. Robotnik: Here's the sitch. [puts it on] Uninhabited planet. No resources, no supplies. No apparent way home. Heh. A lesser man would die here.
[Robotnik pulls out a little capsule with Sonic's quill in it. It has energy in it]
Dr. Robotnik: I'll be home by Christmas.
[He puts on his goggles and starts to walk while making robot noises. The camera sees that he is on the Mushroom planet. He picks up the rock and throws it to another mushroom]
Dr. Robotnik: ROCK-CONNAISANCE!!! [laughs] Come on! Cheer up!