Here is the transcript of Santa Claus is Coming to Flatbush/Star Koopa.
The Plumber Rap: Part 1[]
Mario: Hey, paisanos! It's the Super Mario Bros. Super Show!
[instrumental music]
[Singers]
We're the Mario Brothers, and plumbing's our game
We're not like the others who get all the fame
If your sink is in trouble, you can call us on the double
We're faster than the others, you'll be hooked on the brothers. Uh!
H-hooked on the brothers
Gimme gimme, gimme gimme
Yo, you're in for a treat, so hang on to your seat
Get ready for adventure and remarkable feats
You'll meet Koopas, the Troopas, the Princess and the others
Hanging with the plumbers, you'll be hooked on the brothers!
To the bridge!
Uh, uh!
I said-a h-h-h-h-hooked on the brothers!
The brothers!
The brothers!
Santa Claus is Coming to Flatbush: Part 1[]
[instrumental music]
Luigi: Oh, boy, I better hurry up and finish these boots for Mario... before he gets home and notices I'm barefoot. Gosh, I wish I could afford a better present. Ha, business has been real bad, we're doing the best we can.
Mario: I'm home for Christmas dinner.
Luigi: Oh, boy, and I'm hungry, but don't come in yet, Mario! I'm not done wrapping your present!
ding
Luigi: Wait a minute! Not yet, not yet! Okay! Come in!
Mario: Boy, it's awful cold out there. But with this all worn-out old boots, if I stepped on a dime, I could tell you if it's heads or tails! If I could only find a dime to step on!
Luigi: Ah, don't worry about anything, Mario. Come on, hurry up, I'm hungry, what did you get for our Christmas feast?
Mario: Okay, okay, wait a minute, just a minute.
Luigi: Oh, boy, I can hardly wait.
Mario: It's two garbanzo beans. That's all we could afford. But don't worry, they plump up when you cook them.
Luigi: You're right. Tell you what, I'm gonna go over there and put them in the steam shoot. It'll add a little body and flavor.
Mario: Stay up there in the back, Luigi, and close your eyes.
Luigi: OK, wait a minute.
Mario: I got a present for you.
Luigi: OK, I won't look, go ahead.
Mario: You know, I knew you were gonna get something nice for me, so I got a special surprise for you.
Luigi: Ah, you shouldn't asked, Mario.
Mario: My special wrench.
Luigi: Can I look yet?
Mario: Okay.
Luigi: Hey, don't worry, big brother, at least things can't get worse, huh?
[doorbell ringing]
Mario: It's Christmas, I'll get it.
Nick: Do you mind if I use your telephone? Oh, I'm so tired. Somebody stole my transportation.
Mario: Hey, Luigi, throw another one of those chipped plates on the table, and tighten up your belt. We got company.
Mario [vo]: Super Mario Bros. Super Show will return.
Mario [vo]: Now, back to the Super Mario Bros. Super Show.
The Plumber Rap: Part 2[]
[upbeat music]
Here we go, yo!
It's the Mario Brothers, and plumbing's their game
Found the secret warp zone while working on the drain
Lend the Princess a hand in the Mushroom Land
Join the action with the plumbers, you'll be hooked on the brothers!
Now, evil Koopa and his Troopas are up to misbehaving
They kidnapped the Princess; Mushroom Land needs saving
Amusing and confusing, everybody discovers
They can't help but be hooked on the brothers. Uh!
Star Koopa[]
(The episode opens to outer space. An enormous faucet-shaped spacecraft known as the Koop Star is pursuing another smaller spacecraft, which looks like a cross between a pizza and the Star Trek Enterprise, known as the Flying Pizza.)
Mario: (narrating) Plumber's Log number 2001. We were on our way to help a space colony of Mushroom people, because that dastardly tyrant, Darth Koopa was threatening to blow up their planet. Suddenly we realized, we were the ones who needed help.
(Cut to the inside of the Flying Pizza. The Mario Bros. are at the front driving, while Princess Toadstool and Toad are playing cards at a table in the back.)
Luigi: (gulps) Uh-oh! Mario, check your rear view video screen!
(Mario presses a button, and the Koop Star appears on a screen.)
Mario: Koop Star! It's Darth Koopa's ship! It's right behind us!
(Mario presses another button and speaker through the loudspeaker.)
Mario: This is your plumber speaking. The fasten seat belt sign has been turned on.
(The words "FASTEN SEAT BELTS" appear on a monitor by Princess Toadstool and Toad, who put down their cards and fasten their seat belts.)
Toad: Just when I was winning.
Mario: Hang on! I'm pouring on the pasta power!
(Mario activates the plunger-shaped retro rockets and speeds ahead of the Koop Star. Cut to the control room of the Koop Star. Inside is Darth Koopa himself, who's wearing a black helmet and visor much like Darth Vader's, but with his snout exposed. He's also wearing a navy blue cape, and has the middle part of Darth Vader's suit running down the middle of his body, leaving his sides exposed. With him is Mouser, who's dressed like an Imperial Officer.)
King Koopa: Princess Toadstool and the Marios are getting away! Put the pedal to the medal, Mouser!
Mouser: Aye aye, Darth Koopa, sir. Don't worry, your great galacticness, we'll catch 'em. The spaceship hasn't been built that could outrun Koop Star, including that bucket of bolt plumbing fixtures they call the Flying Pizza.
(Mouser pushes several buttons, pulls the gearshift into overdrive, and steps on the accelerator, which activates the Koop Star's retro rockets. As the Koop Star gives chase, Mouser brings up a radar screen, which shows the Koop Star approaching the Flying Pizza.)
King Koopa: Go to warp 10, Mouser! Close in and activate the tractor beams!
(King Koopa turns his attention towards a team of Troopas dressed up like Stormtroopers, who are better known as Stormtroopas.)
King Koopa: Prepare to board enemy craft. Do what you want to those plumbers and that fungus, Toad, but I want the Princess Toadstool taken prisoner.
(The Koop Star reaches the Flying Pizza and shoots it with a tractor beam.)
Mouser: Tractor beam engaged, your royal spacey-ness.
(The tractor beam pulls the Flying Pizza into the docking bay.)
King Koopa: (over the loudspeakers) Storm Troopa pack, attack!
(The Stormtroopas enter the docking bay and run up to the Flying Pizza. Cut to the Flying Pizza.)
Mario: Prepare to repel quarters!
Toad: That's what my landlady said when I asked for my cleaning deposit back.
(The Mario Gang pull out and activate weapons that resembles lightsabers, except that they're actually pointed beams of energy to lasers. Luigi hasn't managed to get his working yet.)
Mario: Come and get it, Koopa!
Luigi: (nervously) Wait a second! What? Is it that? I don't... I forgot how to work my lightplunger!
(Luigi activates his lightplunger, but hits himself in the face in the process. He hands the lightplunger to the Princess.)
Princess Toadstool: Just say the magic words, Luigi. May the pasta be with you.
(The Stormtroopas enter the ship, with lightplungers in their hands. Mario knocks one of them over with his lightplunger. Two Stop come after Toad, but end up missing Toad and hitting each other since he's so short. One Stormtroopa grabs onto the Princess' lightplunger, but he gets zapped. Another Stormtroopa is holding Luigi upside-down. Princess Toadstool hits him with her lightplunger, which shocks him, and he falls over when Luigi taps him. Mario and Toad toss the last Stormtroopa onto a pile of the rest of them. At this point, King Koopa enters the ship.)
King Koopa: If you want something wrong done right, you gotta wrong-do it yourself. Get out of my galaxy, Marios! You're trespassing!
Princess Toadstool: You're wrong, Koopa! We have a perfect right to be here, and so do the Mushroom space colonists!
Mario: Yeah! And if you think we'll let you destroy their planet, you're really spaced out! En garde, hot shell. I'm gonna make linguini out of you!
(Mario reactivates his lightplunger.)
King Koopa: I'd like to see you try it, meatball.
(King Koopa pulls out and activates his lightplunger as well.)
Mario: Take the plunge, Koopa.
(Mario and King Koopa get into a lightplunger duel. Princess Toadstool, Luigi, and Toad cheer Mario on, but King Koopa has Mario up against the wall.)
King Koopa: I have you now, macaroni mouth.
Mario: Don't be so sure. May the pasta be with me.
(Mario runs up to King Koopa and swings his lightplunger a few more times. Mario jumps up and kicks King Koopa in the face, knocking him against the wall. Mario walks up to King Koopa, pointing his lightplunger at him.)
Mario: Say uncle, or I'll unplug your innards, Darth Barth!
(King Koopa pulls out a freeze ray.)
King Koopa: Cool it, faucet face.
(King Koopa shoots a blast of ice at Mario, freezing him and his lightplunger in a solid shell of ice.)
Princess Toadstool: Mario! Yikes, he's frozen solid! Defrost him this instant, you beast!
King Koopa: Chill out, Princess.
(King Koopa freezes Princess Toadstool, followed by Luigi and Toad. Fades to the Koop Star's control room, where the Mario gang are still frozen.)
King Koopa: It's music to my ears. Okay, Mouser, heat 'em up!
(Mouser shoots the Mario gang with his heat ray, causing them to defrost and wake up.)
Mario: (yawns) I just had the strangest dream. I was a TV dinner.
(Mario then realizes what's going on.)
Mario: Koopa! You fiend!
(Mario walks up to King Koopa, but Mouser points his freeze ray at him.)
Mouser: Back off, plumber, or I'll freeze your pipes for good!
Princess Toadstool: What do you want with us?
King Koopa: I thought you'd never ask.
(King Koopa presses a button, which brings up a monitor.)
King Koopa: Princess Toadstool, I have to destroy the Mushroom colonists' planet, because they refuse to turn it over to me, but they'll listen to you.
(On the monitor, a globe-shaped planet is shown.)
King Koopa: Tell 'em to give up, or face the power of my unstoppable Birdo Ray.
(On the monitor, the Koop Star shoots an egg shaped missile at the planet, which covers the surface in yolk.)
Princess Toadstool: My people will never give up, Koopa. Even if I order them to, which I won't. You're wasting your time!
King Koopa: For once, I think you're right, Princess Toadstool. Mouser! Activate the Birdo Ray!
Mouser: Aye aye, sir.
(Mouser presses some buttons, pulls a lever, and a digital timer extends out of the Koop Star.)
Mouser: Thirty minutes to firing time, your royal badness.
King Koopa: Now, escort our guests to the intergalactic incinerator, and make space garbage out of them! (laughs evilly)
(Fade back to the Koop Star's trash compactor room, where Mouser and the Mario gang are standing on a platform at the top. Below them is a shaft with a bunch of buzz saws at the bottom. Mouser is pointing to a flow chart of the trash compactor.)
Mouser: As you can see, Koop Star is equipped with the latest in garbage disposal technology. If I may call your attention to our flow chart, you'll see that you'll be sliced and diced here...
(Mouser points at the funnel-shaped area at the top where the buzz saws are.)
Mouser: Compacted here...
(Mouser points to an area in the middle of the flow chart.)
Mario: He's showing a plumber how a garbage disposal works?
Mouser: And ejected into space here...
(Mouser points to an area near the bottom.)
Mouser: Neatly packaged in a space age biodegradable garbage pod, and never to bother us again. (laughs) Have a nice day.
(Mouser pushes a button, causing the section the Mario gang are standing on to tilt, and the four of them fall into the trash compactor. The episode then fades to black.)
Mario [vo]: Be right back, paisanos.
Mario [vo]: We're back, paisanos.
(When it fades back, Mario pulls out his real plunger, presses it against the wall, and holds with one hand. Princess Toadstool grabs onto Mario's other hand, while Toad grabs the Princess' foot with one hand and Luigi's pants with the other. They are now hanging over the buzz saws and Luigi is upside-down, just inches above the blades.)
Luigi: Whew. No wonder Mama told us to be careful in these things.
Princess Toadstool: She was right, Luigi!
Mario: Hey, you remember all those garbage disposals we fixed back in Brooklyn?
Luigi: Yeah, they all have silverware stuck in them. But I was saving these for our next picnic lunch.
Mario: If you don't toss 'em quick, we'll be the picnic lunch!
Luigi: Okay. Hi ho silverware!
(Luigi drops his cutlery into the buzz saws, causing them to malfunction and shut down. The four of them all cheer, just as the plunger slips off the wall. They fall past the buzz saws and into the depths of the trash compactor.)
(Cut to the control room.)
King Koopa: Today, the Mushroom planet. Tomorrow, the Milky Way. Next week, the universe will be: The Koopaverse!
(Mouser runs up to King Koopa.)
Mouser: The plumbers are being disposed of, your vast emptiness.
King Koopa: Disposed of. Ha ha. That's a good one. Ha ha.
(Mouser points out the window.)
Mouser: That's them now! All wrapped in a garbage pod with no place to go but down.
(A rocket trashcan shoots out of the Koop Star, down towards the desert planet of the Mushroom colony. The Mario Gang are riding inside.)
Luigi: Being garbage really makes a guy feel down in the dumps.
Mario: Everybody got their seat belts on? We're in for a rough landing!
Princess Toadstool: What seat belts?
(The garbage pod lands on the surface of the planet, causing the Mario gang to go flying. Luigi lands on a Pokey, who knocks him off.)
Luigi: Oh. Sorry.
Princess Toadstool: Next time you send us through space in a garbage pod, Mario, make sure it has seat belts.
Mario: Sorry.
(Mario bangs on the rock.)
Mario: This rock is hard!
Toad: It got me in the funny bone!
(Toad kicks the rock.)
Toad: Take that, rock.
(The rock starts to move.)
Toad: Wait! I didn't mean it!
(The three of them jump off, and the rock turns out to be a large Cobrat. They run off and bump into Luigi. The Cobrat spits a bullet at them, but misses and hits the Pokey, which causes it to blow up.)
Mario: Follow me, I have a plan.
(The Mario Gang run around the Cobrat in circles, making it dazed and confused, as well as twisted. The four of them stop running.)
Mario: Watch this.
(The Cobrat unravels, but is too dizzy to care about the Mario gang.)
Mario: Hop on, quick!
(The four of them get onto the Cobrat's back.)
(Mario pulls out his plunger and shoves it into the Cobrat's mouth, using it as a reins.)
Mario: Hi ho, Cobrat, away!
(Mario kicks the Cobrat and they ride off.)
Toad: Way to go, Ma-ri-o! We'll get to the Mushroom colony just in time for lunch!
Mario: Lunch? Giddy up, Cobrat!
(Fade back to the Koop Star.)
King Koopa: How much longer until my Birdo Ray destroys the space Mushrooms' planet?
Mouser: Sixteen minutes and counting, Darth Koopa, sir.
King Koopa: Ha! Sixteen minutes, and I'll be the undisputed ruler of the galaxy!
(Cut to the space colony. The Mario Gang are with a wise, old, bearded Mushroomer by the name of Obi-Wan Toadi. Various colonists are running around in panic.)
Princess Toadstool: In 15 minutes, this planet will be history! Can't we do something?
Mario: For starters, we can have lunch. I always fight on a full stomach.
Obi-Wan Toadi: There is no time, Mario.
Princess Toadstool: But we can't just give up, Obi-Wan Toadi!
Obi-Wan Toadi: Someone must penetrate Koop Star, in a Mushroom Starfighter, and disable the Birdo Ray.
Mario: Then we can have lunch?
Obi-Wan Toadi: Of course.
Mario: I'll do it.
(Princess Toadstool, Luigi, and Toad cheer. Fade back to the colony's hangar, where the Mushroom Starfighters are parked. Each starfighter looks like five faucets attached together. Mario gets into his starfighter.)
Obi-Wan Toadi: Are you nervous, Mario?
Mario: Who, me? Nah. Well, sort of.
(Obi-Wan Toadi hands Mario a box of pizza.)
Obi-Wan Toadi: This will bolster your spirits, my son.
(Mario grabs the box.)
Mario: Not to mention my appetite.
Obi-Wan Toadi: Remember, may the pasta be with you.
Mario: All right!
(Mario gives a thumbs up. He closes the dome top of his starfighter and blasts off. Obi-Wan Toadi gives a thumbs up to Luigi, Princess Toadstool, and Toad, and they blast off too. As they approach the Koop Star, several starfighters, each in the shape of a roasted turkey, show up. King Koopa and Mouser are watching everything from the control room.)
King Koopa: Stormtroopa Pack! Attack! Attack!
(The timer now reads 4:25. The Stormtroopas fire some energy blasts at the Mario gang. Toad fires a shot at a Stormtroopa, which blows up his starfighter and he bails out. Two Stormtroopas approach the Princess and she almost crashes.)
Princess Toadstool: Huh? Oh, no!
(Princess Toadstool maneuvers away from the Stormtroopas' starfighters, and the two collide. Mario drives over to the surface of the Koop Star and through a canyon. He dodges a few enemy shots, and swerves through a narrow passage, which a Stormtroopa crashes into. Another Stormtroopa fires at Mario, but Toad blows up his ship and gives a thumbs up to Mario. With just a few seconds remaining on the timer, Mario enters a hole in the Koop Star and flies through a room full of pipes. He opens up his dome and tosses a Bob-omb at the structure in the center of the room. The whole system of pipes then blows up and Mario flies off. King Koopa and Mouser get an inflatable raft just as the Koop Star explodes. Mario flies away laughing at King Koopa and Mouser, who are riding the raft in space.)
King Koopa: Wait! I'll get you! Whoa! Whoa!
(The starfighters return to the hangar, where a crowd of Mushroomers cheer for them. The Mario Gang exit their starfighters.)
Obi-Wan Toadi: My friend, you were wonderful! The Mushroom space colonists thank you for your bravery under fire.
(Mario holds up the pizza box.)
Mario: I couldn't have done it without that little snack you fixed, Obi-Wan Toadi! Or without the help of my fearless friends.
(Mario looks back at Luigi, Princess Toadstool, and Toad.)
Mario: I guess you could say, "The pasta was with us!" Speaking of pasta, where's that lunch you promised?
(The Mario Gang and Obi-Wan Toadi laugh. Irises out on Mario.)
Santa Claus is Coming to Flatbush: Part 2[]
Mario: Come on, eat up, Nick old pal. You need your strength. Here, have mine. I'm stuffed.
Nick: What about your brother?
Mario: Oh, he's stuffed, too.
Luigi: (shivers) Wow, is it cold out there. Hey, Nick. I looked all over the neighborhood for your things, I couldn't find nothing. You know how it is, sheesh.
Mario: But, Luigi, what are you doing outside with no boots on?
Luigi: What? Oh! Oh, forget about it, Mario, something was wrong, I brought them into the shoemaker, don't even think about it. Boy, am I hungry! Is my bean done yet?
Mario: I'd say it was finished.
Luigi: Yeah? Oh, oh. Aw, well, hey, no time like the present to start my, uh, New Year's diet.
Nick: Ah. Well, I sure appreciate your hospitality, and all you've given me.
Luigi: Oh, that's all right, Nick.
CooKoo Bird: Ho ho ho! It's midnight, everybody! Merry Christmas!
Luigi: Christmas!
Mario: Midnight!
Mario and Luigi: Presents!
Luigi: Yay!
Nick: Oh, it must be wonderful getting presents on Christmas, huh?
Luigi: Oh, yeah. Well, uh, we already opened ours.
Mario: What? Oh, yes, we got presents for you, Nick.
Luigi: These are for you, Nick. Merry Christmas.
Mario: Merry Christmas, Nick.
Nick: Boots?
Luigi: Yeah.
Nick: And a wrench! Say, I really can use these.
Luigi: Oh, that's great.
(After a Mario head transition...)
Luigi: Yo, Mario, let's go to sleep. Santa ain't gonna stop here.
Mario: I know that, I just want to watch these next exciting scenes from the next Legend of Zelda.
Santa Claus is Coming to Flatbush: Part 3[]
Luigi: Mario! Mario, come in, you're not gonna believe this! Whoa, go figure this out, look at this!
Mario: Look at this, a note. It says dear Mario and Luigi, the cops found my transportation, and there was a little something under the seat for you. Merry Christmas, signed S.C.
Luigi: S.C.? I thought his name was Nick?
Luigi: Mario? Do you think it could have been?
Mario and Luigi: Nah.
Luigi: Merry Christmas, Mario.
Mario: Merry Christmas, Luigi.
Luigi: Come here, my brother.
Mario [vo]: Stick around, paisanos. We'll be right back.
Ending Segment[]
Mario: Until next time, everybody!
Mario, Luigi, and Nick: Do the Mario!