Here's the transcript for Texas Tea/The Trojan Koopa.
Intro (The Plumber Rap: Part 1)[]
Mario: Hey, paisanos! It's the Super Mario Bros. Super Show!
[upbeat music]
[Singers]
We're the Mario Brothers, and plumbing's our game
We're not like the others who get all the fame
If your sink is in trouble, you can call us on the double
We're faster than the others, you'll be hooked on the brothers. Uh!
H-hooked on the brothers
Gimme gimme, gimme gimme!
Yo, you're in for a treat, so hang on to your seat
Get ready for adventure and remarkable feats
You'll meet Koopas, the Troopas, the Princess and the others
Hanging with the plumbers, you'll be hooked on the brothers!
To the bridge!
Uh, uh!
I said-a h-h-h-h-hooked on the brothers!
The brothers!
The brothers!
Texas Tea: Part 1[]
[instrumental music]
Mario: I'm telling you. Ah, boy, Luigi, these knives couldn't cut jello. I mean, we need to buy new ones.
Luigi: Yeah, well, dream on, Mario. We're broke. I mean, we can barely afford to keep the plumbing business going these days.
Mario: Yeah, you're right, no one's having plumbing problems anymore. I mean, they don't make those old leaky pipes like they used to. You know, if this keeps up, I mean, we're gonna have to cut down on our overeating.
Luigi: What do you mean me? We? Mr. Roly Poly.
Mario and Luigi: (laughs)
Mario: Hey, Luigi, by the way, go over and get me a tomato from the tomato garden, will ya?
Luigi: All right. More tomatoes coming up, Mario. You got it. [whistles] Oh, they look good this year, huh?
Mario: Go ahead, give me a nice one.
Luigi: Whoa! Holy macaroni!
Mario: Black gold!
Luigi: Texas tea!
Mario: Take your shoes off and sit a spell. Whoo!
Luigi: Whoa!
Mario: Whoa! We're filthy rich!
Luigi: Yeah, we're filthy, alright.
Mario: I'll try to cap this.
[doorbell rings]
Luigi: Who are you?
Ted Bull: Bull, Ted Bull's the name. President of Bull Oil Company.
Luigi: Well, hi, Mr. Bull. Come on in.
Ted Bull: My card.
Luigi: Thank you, this is my brother, Mario. Mario, Mr. Bull.
Ted Bull: Hello, Mario.
Mario: Well, how do you do? Sorry, sir.
Ted Bull: Partner, an oily handshake is the best kind. I understand you boys struck oil.
Luigi: Wow. News travels fast!
Ted Bull: Son, I can smell a gusher a mile away. I want to make you a deal. You'll be plain loco to pass up.
Luigi: Really? What kind of deal?
Ted Bull: A deal that'll make you two rich beyond your wildest dreams, and that ain't no bull.
Luigi: Wow.
Mario [voice-over]: The Super Mario Bros. Super Show will return.
Mario [voice-over]: Now back to the Super Mario Bros. Super Show.
The Plumber Rap: Part 2[]
[upbeat music]
Here we go, yo!
It's the Mario Brothers, and plumbing's their game
Found the secret warp zone while working on the drain
Lend the Princess a hand in the Mushroom Land
Join the action with the plumbers, you'll be hooked on the brothers!
Now, evil Koopa and his Troopas are up to misbehaving
They kidnapped the Princess, Mushroom Land needs saving
Amusing and confusing, everybody discovers
They can't help but be hooked on the brothers. Uh!
The Trojan Koopa[]
(The episode opens to a rough and stormy night, where the Mario Bros. and Toad are riding the waves in a bathtub.)
Mario: (narrating) Plumber's Log number 4-4-9. We were on a royal rescue mission. Princess Toadstool has been kidnapped by Koopa and taken to his island fortress.
Toad: (pointing) Land ho, dudes! The Island of Koopos is dead ahead!
(In the distance, a small tropical island can be seen.)
Luigi: Aw, Toad, did you have to say "dead"?
Mario: Don't get your valves out of joint, Luigi! Everything's going according to plan!
Mario, Luigi, and Toad: Hey! Aah! Whoa!
(The waves carry them over towards the island. Later, after the storm clouds have cleared up, the tub is washed ashore on the beach of the island. The Mario Bros. and Toad, who are underneath the upside down turned tub, lift it up, hold it over their heads and walk away from the shore.)
Luigi: Mario, I hate this plan.
(On the other side of the island is King Koopa's fortress, which is basically a tower surrounded by a tall brick wall. King Koopa and a pair of Hammer Bros. are at the top of the tower. One of the Hammer Bros. is looking down through a telescope.)
Hammer Bro. #1: Hey, get a load of that! It looks like... like a bathtub with six legs.
(Through the telescope, the bathtub can be seen making its way towards the tower.)
King Koopa: You Hammer Brothers make lousy lookouts. Gimme that!
(King Koopa snatches the telescope and looks through it. He sees the Mario Bros. and Toad as they toss the bathtub aside.)
King Koopa: It's those dumber plumbers, the Mario Brothers! So, those pipe dreamers think they can rescue their precious princess? Hah!
Princess Toadstool: (offscreen) The Mario Brothers will save me! And they'll wipe that reptile smile right off your rotten face!
(Princess Toadstool, who is attached to a ball and chain, is standing on the other side of the tower.)
King Koopa: Wrong, Princess Toadstooge! This fortress is plumber-proof. You're stuck up here forever!
(The Hammer Bros. shake their hammers at Princess Toadstool.)
Princess Toadstool: (gasps)
King Koopa: Besides, I've got an unwelcoming committee just waiting for those pasta chomping chumps! (laughing)
(Cut to outside the bricks wall, where's the Mario Bros. and Toad are standing.)
Mario: See, fellas? Here's King Koopa's fortress! No problissimo.
Luigi: Make that big problissimo. Look, it's the Hammer Brothers!
(Luigi points to the Hammer Bros. at the top of the tower.)
Hammer Bro. #1: That's right! So you good guys geeks might as well just quit now.
Mario: You hammerheads don't scare us.
Luigi: Speak for yourself, Mario.
(The Hammer Bros. each throw a hammer at the Mario Bros. and Toad.)
Toad: Let's get outta here before those hammers nail us!
(The Mario Bros. and Toad run off behind some bushes.)
Luigi: (gulps) Mega misery, Mario! We'll never get past that wall!
Mario: Luigi, when there's a wall, there's a way.
(We fade to Luigi and Toad tying plungers to the side of Mario's shoes, to act as makeshift suction cups. Mario slowly starts to walk up the wall, and proceeds to walk normally as he gets used to the feel of the plungers. Inside the wall, Hammer Bro. #2 is wearing a stethoscope and is holding the other end against the wall. When he hears the sound of Mario's plungers approaching, he signals to Hammer Bro. #1. The Hammer Bros. start hitting the block of the wall that Mario's attached to with their hammers, slowly forcing it out of the wall. Soon the block comes all the way out of the wall and falls, bringing Mario with it, as it crashes through the ground, creating a hole.)
Mario: There's more than one way to get inside Koopa's fort.
(Mario climbs out of the hole, with small pieces of the block attached to the plungers. A Mario head transitions to the Mario Bros. and Toad have moved away from the wall. Luigi is holding a pole.)
Mario: All you gotta do is get over that wall.
Luigi: Then let you guys in the fort, and we rescue the Princess. I can do it, I can do it.
(Luigi runs over to the fort and sticks the pole into the ground next to the wall as he begins to vault over it. A block next to where the pole is slides open and Hammer Bro. #2 breaks the pole with his hammer. Luigi fails to reach the top and slides down the pole.)
Luigi: I can't do it.
(A Mario head transitions to a giant slingshot, which was made from part of a tree and Luigi's overalls, has been set up. Toad, who's now wearing a helmet, is being pulled back in the slingshot by Mario.)
Mario: Five, four, three, two, one, blast off!
(Mario lets go and Toad is launched into the air. Toad flies over the wall, as well as the Hammer Bros., and grabs onto the edge of the tower.)
Princess Toadstool: Wow!
(Princess Toadstool tries to walk over to Toad, but her ball and chain is holding her back.)
Princess Toadstool: Toad! I knew you guys would save me!
Toad: We're gonna bust you outta this joint!
King Koopa: Sorry, Mushrunt. Visiting hours are over! (evil laughs)
(King Koopa smacks Toad, who falls down and lands on the awning over the entrance to the tower. From there, he is bounced back over the wall.)
Mario: I knew we'd find a way in there!
Luigi: (points) Look out, here comes an unidentified flying fungus.
Toad: Yeow!
(Toad goes crashing the Mario Bros.)
Toad: Fellas, Koopa's fort is impregnable!
Luigi: Yeah, and we can't get in there either.
(Cut to the tower.)
King Koopa: (laughs) You'll never free your kingdom now!
Princess Toadstool: Yes, I will! My friends will never give up!
King Koopa: That's why I've organized a little plumber pounding party. Right, boys?
(The Hammer Bros. laugh. Meanwhile, the Mario Bros. and Toad are sitting by a fire pit away from the fortress.)
Toad: Some Mushroom retainer I turned out to be. I was so close! But I couldn't save her.
Mario: I hate to admit that a plumber can be washed up, but we're in trouble!
(A hammer flies past Mario, while another flies past Luigi.)
Luigi: Huh? (gasps) Make that double trouble.
(The Hammer Bros. jump out from behind the bushes.)
Hammer Bro. #2: We got a score to settle, sink wimps!
Hammer Bro. #1: Yeah, it's plumber pummeling time!
(The episode then fades to black to a commercial bumper.)
Mario [voice-over]: Be right back, paisanos.
Mario [voice-over]: We're back, paisanos.
Hammer Bro. #2: I'll finish off these scum bums!
Hammer Bro. #1: Says you! This is a job for an executing expert! Me!
Mario and Luigi: Patty cake, patty cake, pasta man. Give me pasta power as fast as you can!
(The Mario Bros. do their little routine and Mario jumps over to the space in between the Hammer Bros. He then jumps into the air as the Hammer Bros. attempt to hit him with their hammers. As a result, the Hammer Bros. hit each other's heads and fall down. Mario then lands on their heads and hops back to Luigi and Toad.)
Toad: That takes care of those jerk hammers!
(The Mario Bros. then give each other five.)
Luigi: But we still gotta get in Koopa's fort and save the Princess!
Mario: I have an idea that just might work! And these bad guy brothers are just what we need to throw Koopa off guard!
Luigi: Throw 'em off guard? For what?
Mario: For the second part of my plan. What's Koopa love more than anything?
Toad: Himself!
Mario: Right! And we're gonna build the one thing that Koopa will let inside those gates.
(Fades to the tower, where King Koopa is looking through the telescope.)
King Koopa: This is Kooparific! Those meddling Marios have packed in their pasta and shipped out.
Princess Toadstool: The Marios would never just give up!
King Koopa: Oh, yeah? See for yourself.
(King Koopa hands Princess Toadstool the telescope. When she looks through it, she sees the bathtub drifting away from the island and gasps. Cut to a close-up shot of the tub, which shows that the Hammer Bros., who are now tied up, are in the tub with a Toad dummy. Hammer Bro. #1 has been dressed up in overalls and a hat like Luigi's, as well as a fake mustache. Hammer Bro. #2 is dressed like Mario.)
Hammer Bro. #1: This is humiliating! Tricked, trapped, and--
Hammer Bro. #2: Dressed up like plumbers.
Princess Toadstool: I can't believe it! (tears up) The Marios and Toad wouldn't just leave me like this, would they?
King Koopa: Let me take one last look at those lasagna loving losers!
(King Koopa grabs the telescope and looks at the tub. He then looks down at the island and sees a statue of himself, made out of wood and metal, on a cart.)
King Koopa: It's- it's- it's horrible! It's disgusting! It's me!
King Koopa: It's a monument to my monstrosity! Shy Guys! Open the gates and bring it in!
(Two Shy Guys open the gates, while three other Shy Guys wheel in the statue.)
King Koopa: It's Kooptacular! My rotten reputation is finally getting the tribute I deserve!
(A shot from inside the statue shows that the Mario Bros. and Toad are riding inside. Toad is looking through a peephole, which is disguised as the left eye of the statue.)
Toad: We're inside Koopa's fortress! This wooden statue scam worked! I gotta hand it to you guys, you're pretty good carpenters for plumbers.
Luigi: Yeah, but I hate being cooped up in a Koopa.
Mario: And the best part of it is, Koopa thinks we're out there on that boat.
(Cut to the tub.)
Hammer Bro. #1: Help me turn this thing around so we can get back to King Koopa's fort!
Hammer Bro. #2: Yeah! We're gonna pulverize those pipesqueaks!
(Hammer Bro. #1 lean against Hammer Bro. #2, who uses his head to paddle back towards the island. Cut to the fortress.)
King Koopa: Put it right there!
(The Shy Guys wheel the statue over to one of the walls.)
King Koopa: Hmm. No, on second thought, I think it would look better by the tower.
(The Shy Guys turn the statue around.)
Luigi: Leaping lasagna! Koopa thinks he's an interior decorator.
Mario: We just have to stay put until dark. And then we bust out of this box and free the Princess.
King Koopa: Stop! Leave it until morning! Then I want to see it looks like at the top of the tower!
(The Shy Guys sigh and collapse. After several hours elapse, it becomes nighttime, and the Shy Guys are all asleep. The stomach of the state opens up and the Mario Bros. and Toad fall out.)
Mario: Ouch!
Luigi: Ouch!
Toad: I feel like one smooshed mushroom. Next time, I upgrade to first class.
Mario: Shh. If we wanna rescue the Princess, we can't wake anyone up.
(Suddenly, the gates are being pounded on from outside. The song of the instrumental version of "In My Frog Suit" starts up. The Shy Guys wake up. Princess Toadstool looks down from the tower and smiles when she sees the Mario Bros. and Toad. King Koopa walks out of the tower and sees them as well. The Hammer Bros., who are no longer in their costumes but are still wearing their fake mustaches, break down one of the doors and enter the fortress.)
Mario, Luigi, and Toad: Yikes!
Luigi: Let's go!
Mario: Hurry! Let's get out of here!
Toad: Hurry!
(The Shy Guys and the Hammer Bros. chase after the Mario Bros. and Toad, and run around the tower twice. King Koopa gets onto the statue's cart and cheers on his minions. After the Mario Bros. and Toad run around the tower a third time, they stop. The song ends. The Shy Guys surround the Mario Bros. and Toad from one side, and the Hammer Bros. surround them from the other.)
Luigi: Tragic tetrazzini! This rescue's gone straight down the drain!
Mario: Sure it looks bad now, Luigi, but remember, every clogged drain has its silver elbow trap.
Princess Toadstool: Oh, no. I wish I could help my friends. I wish I could, I wish I might, wish upon a star-- man! A Starman! That's it!
(As luck would have it, a Starman falls from the sky. Princess Toadstool leaps into the air, grabs the Starman, and powers up to Super Princess. Her dress is now blue, white, and red. She then breaks out of the shackle of her ball and chain. Meanwhile, the Hammer Bros. have the Mario Bros. pinned up against the tower.)
King Koopa: Koopa Pack, attack!
(Princess Toadstool jumps down from the tower, bounces off of the awning, and lands on the ground.)
Princess Toadstool: Fear not, my friends, it's Princess T. to the rescue!
Mario: But we're supposed to rescue her!
Toad: Uh, I don't think this is the time for technicalities.
Hammer Bro. #2: Prepare to be slammerized!
(The Hammer Bros. toss their hammers at Princess Toadstool, who simply grabs them with her bare hands.)
Princess Toadstool: You bully brothers don't bother me!
(Princess Toadstool hurls the hammers at the beams holding up the awning, causing it to fall on top of the Hammer Bros. The Mario Bros. then tie up the awning with the Hammer Bros. stuck inside.)
Princess Toadstool: Time to say bye-bye to the Shy Guys!
(The Shy Guys attempt to run off, but Princess Toadstool stomps on top of all of them. The Mario Bros. and Toad cheer.)
Mario: Go, Princess!
Luigi: Victorious vermicelli! We beat the mean and nasties!
(Mario, Luigi, and Toad walk up to Princess Toadstool.)
Mario: Thanks to one super duper Princess!
Princess Toadstool: And thanks to some wonderful friends who don't give up!
Toad: Speaking of giving up, where's King Ugly Mug?
[laughing]
Mario Gang: (gasp)
King Koopa: Good luck, drain brains! I'm snatching your boat! And I'm gonna Koopa sloopa outta here!
(King Koopa runs out through the gate.)
Toad: That's the only boat around here!
Princess Toadstool: How are we gonna get off the island?
Mario: Leave that to me.
(Later, the Mario gang are riding away from the island on the statue. Princess Toadstool is now back to normal.)
Mario: It's ugly, but it floats.
(Toad looks through a telescope.)
Toad: Which is more than I can say for the real Koopa! (giggles) Look!
(Toad tosses Mario the telescope, and he looks through it. The tub is leaking, and King Koopa is bailing out the water. The episode then irises out on King Koopa.)
Texas Tea: Part 2[]
Mario: Ah, oh, look at this one here. Two hundred and fifty thousand, you got a 46 footer, Luigi, oh, boy. Now what should I get? Should I get a brown one or should I get a blue one?
Luigi: I don't know.
Mario: Wait a minute, with the money we're gonna have, maybe I'll buy both.
Luigi: Ah, you know, Mario... Maybe we should have waited for Mr. Bull to bring over the cheque before we spent all this money, eh?
Mario: Just relax, Luigi, we have the money, relax.
Luigi: Eh, well, I hope you're right.
Mario: You know, come to think of it, I mean, it's gonna be great, no more having to settle for second best. From now on, Luigi, we're gonna do all the best things in life, all the best things that life has to offer are gonna come to us. Boy, I'm telling you.
Luigi: You're right, you're right, you're right, Mario. Things like, uh, vacations in the tropics.
Mario: Yeah, just picture it now, eating pizza in indoor restaurants.
Luigi: Ha ha ha. How about furniture we didn't just find? (laughs)
Mario: Wow, boy, oh, boy, Mama's gonna be so proud of us.
muah
Mario: Oh, Luigi, I can't believe it. Oh, boy, this makes me feel good.
Luigi: This is the life.
(After a Mario head transition...)
Mario: While we're waiting for Mr. Bull to drop off our checks, why don't you watch these scenes from the next Legend of Zelda?
Luigi: I love this show. Is it on now?
Texas Tea: Part 3[]
Mario: Ah, Luigi, I'm gonna tell you, I really enjoy our new style of life.
Luigi: Heh heh heh, me too, Mario, but I'm gonna be honest with you. I hope Mr. Bull shows up with the check pretty soon, because these bills are starting to add up, huh? Ah, the heck with it. Big brother, do me a favor, huh? Give me a glass of that Texas tea, huh? Ha ha ha. I mean, I just want to gaze at pure money.
Mario: Uh-oh!
Luigi: Uh-oh? What's wrong?
Mario: The well!
Luigi: Well?
Mario: Well.
Luigi: Well?
Mario: The well, it's dry!
Luigi: Oh, oh, ho, ho, wait, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, whoa, whoa, ho! Where you going with all this stuff?
Man #1: It says you don't pay, it don't stay.
Mario: Luigi! What's going on?
Ted Bull: Boys, I'm sorry to hear about your pitiful dry well.
Luigi: Yeah, well...
Ted Bull: Too bad I can't do business, but that's the oil game, partner.
Mario: Boy, oh, boy, news sure travels fast.
Ted Bull: Son, I can smell a gusher--
Mario and Luigi: A mile away.
Luigi: We know, we know.
Ted Bull: Next time you strike oil, just call old Ted, ya hear?
Luigi: Sure.
Edison: Hey, you guys! I just wanted to let you know that I fixed the that leaky oil pipe. Aren't you proud of me?
Luigi: Proud's not the word.
Edison: Huh?
Luigi: Huh?
[sobbing]
Ending Segment[]
Luigi: 'Til next time, everybody!
Mario, Luigi, and Ted Bull: Do the Mario!