This is the episode transcript of The Painting/Quest for Pizza.
The Plumber Rap: Part 1[]
Mario: Hey, paisanos! It's the Super Mario Bros. Super Show!
[theme music]
[Singers]
We're the Mario Brothers, and plumbing's our game
We're not like the others who get all the fame
If your sink is in trouble, you can call us on the double
We're faster than the others, you'll be hooked on the brothers. Uh!
H-hooked on the brothers
Gimme gimme, gimme gimme
Yo, you're in for a treat, so hang on to your seat
Get ready for adventure and remarkable feats
You'll meet Koopas, the Troopas, the Princess and the others
Hanging with the plumbers, you'll be hooked on the brothers!
To the bridge!
Uh, uh!
I said-a h-h-h-h-hooked on the brothers!
The brothers!
The brothers!
The Painting: Part 1[]
Luigi: Yo, Mario, I am so glad that we're finally getting to our spring cleaning here, eh?
Mario: Yeah, we got so much junk down here, it's a wonder we can find anything.
Luigi: Ha ha.
Mario: Like lunch. Let's take a pizza break.
Luigi: You're right, I'm starved, too. Yo, what's that?
Mario: Oh, it must've been here for ages.
Luigi: Boy, thank you. Yo, Mario, this could maybe be worth something. We oughta have this appraised by an expert.
Mario: Yeah, and then we should find out how much it's worth.
(Fades to a commercial bumper.)
Mario [voice-over]: Super Mario Bros. Super Show will return.
Mario [voice-over]: Now, back to the Super Mario Bros. Super Show.
The Plumber Rap: Part 2[]
[theme song]
Here we go, yo!
It's the Mario Brothers, and plumbing's their game
Found the secret warp zone while working on the drain
Lend the Princess a hand in the Mushroom Land
Join the action with the plumbers, you'll be hooked on the brothers!
Now, evil Koopa and his Troopas are up to misbehaving
They kidnapped the Princess, Mushroom Land needs saving
Amusing and confusing, everybody discovers
They can't help but be hooked on the brothers. Uh!
Quest for Pizza[]
(The episode opens to a prehistoric land.)
Mario: (narrating) Plumber's Log number 1-0-9. We have arrived in Caveman Land, searching for Mugga, the medicine woman, who we hoped could help us set the Mushroom Kingdom free. But King Koopa showed up first, and causing dinosaur sized trouble.
(The Mario Bros. are wearing backpacks, as they, Princess Toadstool, and Toad unintentionally walk onto a large red dinosaur's back and sit down. The dinosaur, which has a head shaped like Mouser's and a pair of shades, gets up and knocks the group off. The Mario Bros. and Princess Toadstool run off, while Toad pulls out a book and flips through it. He stops on a page with a description and a picture of the dinosaur, appropriately named "Mousersaurus Rex".)
Toad: Mousersaurus Rex. The ugliest, slimiest, rottenness...
(Luigi grabs Toad and runs off, while the Mousersaurus Rex roars and goes after them.)
Toad: Yeow!
Mario: Let's get outta here! Faster! Faster!
(King Koopa yells from offscreen. He then rides down on what appears to be a cross between a Birdo and a pterodactyl. He's also dressed like a caveman and holding a Cobrat.)
Mario: It's King Koopa. He's gone caveman crazy!
King Koopa: It's Alley Koop to you, spigot head! You're up Plumber's Creek without a plunger!
(The Mario Gang run off.)
Mario: Quick, quick, get away from him!
(King Koopa throws the Cobrat towards the group.)
Mario: Faster! Faster!
(Luigi trips over a bone, and Mario then trips over Luigi. The snake bites Mario's leg, causing him to leap into the air.)
Mario: I've been snake bit!
(When Mario lands, Luigi pulls off the Cobrat and helps Mario up, except that Mario is petrified.)
Luigi: Mario? Mario, wake up!
(King Koopa, some Troopas who are also dressed like cavemen, and the Mousersaurus Rex walk up to them.)
King Koopa: I sure fixed his faucet! And now I'm gonna fix yours!
Princess Toadstool: Quick! Pick him up! We gotta get out of here!
(Luigi picks up Mario and they run off.)
King Koopa: Alley Koop Pack, attack!
(King Koopa and his minions chases after Mario and the gang, and the Troopas hurl spears at them. The group soon reaches a waterfall.)
Luigi: Oh, no! We're trapped!
(Princess Toadstool gasps as a Mushroom caveboy swings down on a vine and lands in front of them.)
Caveboy: Amuda masho potato.
Luigi: (in Princess Toadstool's voice) What's that about mashed potatoes?
Toad: The rough translation: Scram this way!
(The group and the caveboy run through the waterfall. King Koopa and his minions arrive, looking confused.)
King Koopa: Blast it all, they got away!
(King Koopa swings a bone around and hits the Mousersaurus Rex's left foot. The Mousersaurus Rex screams and hops on his other foot. Fades to a cave. The song of the instrumental version of "Speedy Gondola" begins. Mario, his friends, the caveboy, and several other cave Mushrooms are standing there. The caveboy leads Mario and his friends into another chamber, where an old cavewoman is squatting in front of a fire.)
Princess Toadstool: It's Mugga the medicine woman! Maybe she can help Mario.
(The song ends. Luigi puts Mario down.)
Toad: I hope she can takes credit cards!
Mugga: On yay a oh ma. On yay a fanya.
(Mugga looks at Mario and gasps.)
Mugga: Oya! Ooga la manya.
Toad: Yeah, I know, he's hard to look at. But can you help him anyway?
(Mugga picks up a burning branch from the fire and holds it like a torch. She then points to a cave painting of Mario lying down.)
Mugga: Ugga ma, ugga ma!
Princess Toadstool: Look, it's Mario!
Toad: He doesn't look any better in the picture either.
Luigi: Forget the stupid pictures! What about the real Mario?
(Luigi pulls various foods out of his backpack and holds them next to Mario.)
Luigi: Pepperoni cheesecake, meatball sandwiches, garlic ravioli, and prosciutto spaghetti! Wake up, Mario! Please, wake up! (crying)
Toad: Mario's worse off than I thought!
Mugga: Ugga ma, ugga ma, ugga ma. Ahma pizza.
Luigi: (stops crying) Did you say pizza?
(Mugga nods.)
Mugga: Ugga ma meemah.
(Mugga points to a painting of Luigi holding a pizza next to Mario.)
Princess Toadstool: Luigi, it's you!
Toad: She wants you to get a pizza for Mario!
Luigi: That'll make him well? But I didn't bring any pizza. Well, no problem. We'll just order take-out.
Princess Toadstool: But, Luigi, there aren't any pizza parlors here.
Toad: Gee, Caveman Land really is primitive!
Princess Toadstool: We'll have to make our own!
(A Mario head transitions to outside, where a cow-like dinosaur is chewing on some grass. Luigi, Princess Toadstool, Toad, and the caveboy walk up to it with a ladder and position it against her udder.)
Caveboy: Ooga booga! Ooga booga!
Luigi: Oh, easy for you to say "ooga booga"! You don't have to milk this thing.
Princess Toadstool: Hurry, Luigi. We need milk for Mario's pizza.
Luigi: Right. Mario would do the same thing for me.
(Luigi climbs up to the udder, but the dinosaur moos and hits Luigi with her tail, knocking Luigi off the ladder.)
Luigi: Suffering spumoni!
(Luigi grabs onto the udder and some milk squirts out into a bucket. The dinosaur bends her head over to Luigi and gives him a kiss, causing him to let go and scream as he falls.)
Luigi: Oof. Yuck! Run!
(Luigi runs off, but the dinosaur chases after him and moos. Princess Toadstool, Toad, and the caveboy are standing on a ledge and holding vines.)
Toad: Forget running! When in Caveman Land, do like the cavemen do!
(The three of them swing down. Toad grabs Luigi and they swing away. Luigi is now at a hollow tree with acorns inside, and he picks one of them up.)
Luigi: How does ground acorn pizza crust sound?
Toad: Not too good, unless you're a... What?
(A squirrel-like dinosaur appears.)
Toad: Squirrel!
(The dinosaur jumps up to the branch Luigi is on.)
Toad: Doesn't anything come smaller than jumbo colossal around here?
Luigi: We'll just have to make do.
(Luigi stuffs his pockets with acorns, turns around, and sees the dinosaur, who is rather angry.)
Luigi: Let's get outta here!
(Luigi jumps down, runs off with the others, and the dinosaur chases after them.)
Luigi: Whoever said it's as easy as pizza pie, was nuts!
Toad: We got everything but tomatoes for the sauce! Picking tomatoes is easy!
(Later, Luigi, Princess Toadstool, Toad, and the caveboy are at a tomato crop, picking tomatoes. Suddenly, King Koopa hits Toad's hand with his Cobrat.)
Toad: Yikes! It's that retro reptile, Alley Koop!
King Koopa: You're a memory, Mushrot!
(Toad throws a tomato at King Koopa's face. King Koopa then bangs his Cobrat around.)
Toad: Uh-oh! He's throwing his snake stack!
(The group runs off, with King Koopa and his minions on their tails. They run back through the waterfall and lose King Koopa again.)
King Koopa: How'd they get away?
(King Koopa sees a trail of tomatoes leading through the waterfall.)
King Koopa: Hmm. Alley Koop'll find those faucet freaks yet!
(Transitions to Mugga's chamber. Mugga places a hot compress on Mario's forehead. Luigi is now cooking a pizza over the fire.)
Toad: Mario's looking bad! But not near as bad as that pizza.
Luigi: Well, it's not Pappy's Pizza from Brooklyn, but it's just what the medicine woman ordered.
(Princess Toadstool adds another branch to the fire.)
Princess Toadstool: Cook it quick! Mario needs that pizza!
(The cave starts shaking, scaring everyone inside. Outside, the Mousersaurus Rex is bashing the wall with a log.)
King Koopa: Cave re-routers here!
(The Mousersaurus Rex breaks through the wall, and the water from the waterfall starts flooding the cave.)
Luigi: Holy macaroni! The pizza! It's ruined!
(King Koopa enters the cave.)
King Koopa: And the fire is ruined too, pipesqueak. And no fire, means no pizza! Which means your brother Mario is finished! (Tarzan yell)
(Fades to a commercial bumper.)
Mario [vo]: Be right back, paisanos.
Mario [vo]: We're back, paisanos.
(Later, King Koopa is gone and the hole has been boarded up. Mugga looks at her sundial watch.)
Mugga: Appa nanya. Kaput!
Toad: She says...
Luigi: No need to translate! Mario's gondola if he doesn't get pizza, fast!
(The caveboy comes running in with the pizza.)
Caveboy: Ugga pizza! Ugga pizza!
Luigi: It's not pizza if it's not cooked! No fire, no pizza!
(Luigi holds up one of the slightly burned branches. Mugga grabs the branch from Luigi and uses the char on it to draw a Fire Flower on the wall.)
Princess Toadstool: It's a Fire Flower!
Mugga: Bunya, Alley Koop. Baconey tomato sandwich.
Princess Toadstool: What's that about a bacon and tomato sandwich?
Toad: She says Alley Koop has a Fire Flower, but he keeps it under heavy guard!
Luigi: If we can get it, we can save Mario!
(Fades to another part of Caveman Land. A Fire Flower is on top of a small but steep hill, which is surrounded by a pit of spikes. King Koopa and his minions are standing nearby.)
King Koopa: This is what they'll be after! They can't have it, understand?
(The Mousersaurus Rex growls lightly.)
King Koopa: That putrid little plumber is soon to be ancient history! I mean to keep him that way, understood?
(The Mousersaurus Rex growls again.)
King Koopa: Understood?!
(King Koopa steps on the Mousersaurus Rex's left foot, which is now bandaged from earlier. The Mousersaurus Rex lets out a huge growl and hops on one foot again.)
King Koopa: Then get going! Now!
(The Mousersaurus Rex and the Troopas run off.)
(Cut to elsewhere in Caveman Land. The song of the instrumental version of "Speedy Gondola" starts up again. Luigi, Princess Toadstool, Toad, and the caveboy are riding in a Flintstone-style car with square wheels up a hill.)
Toad: (panting) I've had smoother rides in a cement mixer!
Princess Toadstool: Caveboy, you said the Fire Flower was just up this hill five hills ago!
Caveboy: Mucky glamma pancakey oo maple syrup.
Princess Toadstool: What was that about pancakes and maple syrup?
Toad: He said: Over the next hill!
Luigi: Hold it, Caveboy!
(The car stops and Luigi gets out.)
Luigi: We can get there faster with a little bodywork!
(Luigi pulls out a hammer and chisel and chisels away at the wheels, making them round. The car then continues on without him, and he runs after it.)
Luigi: Hey! Wait for me!
(Luigi chases the car down a hill and grabs onto the back of it. The car drives through a dinosaur skeleton and one of the vertebrae falls down, stopping the car. Luigi goes flying and lands on the Mousersaurus Rex's snout. The song ends. Princess Toadstool, Toad, and the caveboy gasp.)
Luigi: Uh-oh!
(The Mousersaurus Rex sneezes and Luigi goes flying onto a rib. He then walks over to the car and picks it up.)
Luigi: Drop 'em, you louse-a-saurus!
(Luigi jumps up and down on another vertebra, which lands on the Mousersaurus Rex's left foot. He then drops the car on his right foot and switches back and forth between hopping on his right and left feet, all while growling. Luigi gets back into the car and they drive off, out of the skeleton, towards King Koopa's domain.)
Luigi: Look! There's the Fire Flower!
Toad: Burn stone, Caveboy! We got a pizza to cook!
(King Koopa spies on them through binoculars.)
King Koopa: That pipe dreamer thinks he's taking my Fire Flower! I'll Koop his plans in the butt! Alley Koop Cave Pack, attack!
(Two Troopas use a catapult to launch a boulder in front of the car, causing its passengers to go flying next to the pit. Troopas approach them from one side, and the Mousersaurus Rex, who now has both of his feet bandaged, approaches them from the other. King Koopa swings down on a vine while screaming, and lands next to the group. King Koopa throws a bone at the group, but he misses and hits the Mousersaurus Rex's knee, knocking him over.)
Mousersaurus Rex: Yeow! Ouch!
(Luigi jumps over the pit and proceeds to climb the hill. King Koopa and the Troopas attempt to hit him with spears and arrows, but they miss. Luigi reaches the Fire Flower, plucks it from the ground, and King Koopa gasped in horror. Luigi then powers up to Super Luigi.)
Luigi: Prepare to cave in, scale bait!
(King Koopa holds up a shield, but Luigi shoots a fireball which burns right through it. King Koopa drops the shield and runs off, as Luigi shoots him with more fireballs.)
King Koopa: (yelping) Hot, hot, hot, ooh, ooh! Yeow!
(King Koopa jumps into a marsh.)
King Koopa: (sighs) Much better.
(Luigi jumps down from the hill and over the pit.)
Princess Toadstool: Super work, Super Luigi.
(Luigi looks at his sundial watch.)
Luigi: Oh, no! Time's almost up! We have to cook Mario's pizza!
Caveboy: Mugga banana spleeta!
Princess Toadstool: What was that about a banana split?
Toad: He says: We'll take a shortcut.
(The group runs off. Fades to the cave. Luigi's power has worn off, and a new fire is going.)
Luigi: Okay, pizza, do your stuff!
(Luigi holds a slice of the cooked pizza up to Mario's nose. Mario sniffs it and takes a bite.)
Toad: It's working!
Luigi: Mario! You're back among the eating!
Mario: Eating? Sounds good to me!
(Mario grabs the rest of the pizza and stuffs it into his mouth.)
Mario: What? Only one pizza?
Luigi: Ow ooga bugga mugga, waooga ma.
(Princess Toadstool and Toad laugh.)
The Painting: Part 2[]
Mario: You know, I hope this guy you called knows something about this painting.
Luigi: Well, of course he'll know. I called the best art expert around: Howard Stevens of Lifestyle of the Poor and Unknown.
[doorbell rings]
Mario: Come in!
Howard Stevens: Good afternoon, gentlemen. Are you Mario and Luigi?
Luigi: Yes, we are!
Howard Stevens: I'd say you'd fall into the, uh, poor category.
Mario: Oh, right this way, Howard!
Luigi: Why are we yelling? Well, what do you think?
Howard Stevens: Astonishing! This is the Second to Last Supper by Leonardo da Vinci Rooney. It's one of the rarest paintings in history.
Luigi: You're putting us on.
Howard Stevens: This painting disappeared over 300 years ago. After Da Vinci Rooney painted it, his student, Leonardo da Vinci, stole his idea and painted the famous Last Supper. One day, this painting disappeared without a trace; it was believed to lost forever! That is, until now! Hold on to your hats, boys! This painting is over one hundred zillion dollars!
Luigi: Oh!
Mario: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but how much can we get for the frame?
(After a Mario head transition...)
Mario: I can't believe we're gonna be so rich!
Luigi: Yeah, we'll be able to afford anything!
Howard Stevens: One thing you can't afford to do is not watch these scenes from the next Legend of Zelda.
The Painting: Part 3[]
Mario: A hundred zillion dollars? What are you gonna buy, Luigi?
Luigi: Are you kidding, Mario? I want a vacation in the Bronx, I want to ride in a rented car, I want to buy Mama a fake fur coat. How about you, Mario?
Mario: The world's largest pizza, with extra cheese.
Howard Stevens: That's right, think big, boys! Someday you may even appear on my show: Lifestyle of the Poor and Unknown.
Luigi: Ooh.
Howard Stevens: Hold it. What is this I see?
Luigi: What's the matter?
Howard Stevens: Oh, dear, boys, I'm afraid this painting is not worth one hundred zillion dollars!
Luigi: All right, OK, give or take a zillion. We're still rich, huh?
Howard Stevens: No, Luigi, I'm afraid this painting is not worth, diddly squat.
Mario: Good joke, Howard.
Luigi: Ha ha.
Howard Stevens: Unfortunately, Mario, I'm completely serious. This is a bogus, Da Vinci Rooney.
Mario: As long as it's not a phony.
Luigi: Right. Who painted it?
Howard Stevens: This worthless piece of art was painted by an imposter: Leonardo da Vinci Mahoney.
Mario: All these names, these names are confused. Uh, uh, did you say Da Vinci Mahoney?
Howard Stevens: Exactly, Mario. Leonardo da Vinci openly stole from his teacher Da Vinci Rooney, but his fellow student, Da Vinci Mahoney, was even worse! You see, he stole Da Vinci Rooney's ideas, and signed his teacher's name on his paintings.
Mario: But how could you tell it was a Da Vinci Mahoney?
Howard Stevens: Aha! In all his paintings, Da Vinci Mahoney always managed to slip in a likeness of his uncle, Roy Pompasoni Mahoney.
Luigi: Okay, exactly how much is our painting worth?
Howard Stevens: Fellas, read my lips. This painting is worth nothing, nada, zilch, zero, zip!
Luigi: That much, huh?
Howard Stevens: You couldn't trade this painting for a bag of empty aluminum cans. If you wanted to get backstage at a BJ Thomas concert, this painting would be worth nothing as a bride. If you found a Pong video-game at a garage sale for ten cents, and all you had was this painting, you would leave empty-handed. This is not a whole lot, get my drift?
Mario: Okay, we don't have to have a hundred zillion dollars on the nose!
Howard Stevens: Look, boys, I hate to see anyone go away with nothing when they came so close to being rich and famous! How would... seven dollars be for the frame?
Mario and Luigi: We'll take it!
Howard Stevens: That's the spirit, Luigi, Mario. I'm Howard Stevens, hoping all your champagne milkshakes, and caviar pizzas come true.
Luigi: Who you talking to?
(Fades to a commercial bumper.)
Mario [vo]: Stick around, paisanos. We'll be right back.
Ending Segment[]
Mario: 'Til next time, everybody!
Mario, Luigi, and Howard Stevens: Do the Mario!