Opening[]
(The film starts with the "DreamWorks SKG", "Universal Pictures", and "Imagine Entertainment" logos appearing and being customized in Dr. Seuss-formed drawings, and the writings saying "DreamWorks Pictures and Universal Pictures presents" and "An Imagine Entertainment film", with the title "Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat", and the list of various people who worked on this film appearing as the Dr. Seuss-formed drawings are changed into DreamWorks' Disney-like traditional hand-drawn artstyle and an off-screen narrator is heard)
Narrator: There are a gajillions of stories of mischief and fun, but to keep things simple, let's just start with one. About a little girl and a house and a hat that, oddly enough, was worn by a cat. But soon enough we will get to all that. In the valley that stretches from this hill to that hill, a city is nestled, that city is Anville.
(We cut to the city of Anville as the list continues on-screen)
Man: Hurry up! We'll miss the movie.
Woman: Any more tutti-frutti?
Man: I'll check.
Woman: Thanks!
Narrator: It's a town that's not huge, but quite big enough. For buyers and sellers to sell and buy stuff, from shoes and shirts and elongated ladders. To sailboats and gibble-grated berry-juice bladders.
(Horn honks)
Narrator: Our story begins at the corner of Main and Montroob. In the spotless real estate office run by Hank Humberfloob.
(We cut inside Humberfloob Real Estate as the list still continues on-screen)
Joan Walden: (on phone) Humberfloob Real Estate. How can we make your dreams come true? (garbled speaks on phone) What do you mean you're leaving? (garbled speaks on phone) You're a babysitter. Babysitters don't leave. They sit. Baby-leavers leave.
Voiceover person: I'm sorry. I really gotta go, Miss Walden.
Joan Walden: Well, I need to come home right away. All right. Thank you, Amy. Sorry (sighs)
Hank Humberfloob: Attention everyone! It's 9:02. Staff meeting! Staff meeting! (Some of the workers rushes back to their spots after washing their hands) Look alive, everyone! First I'd like to welcome aboard our newest member of the Humberfloob family, Jim McFinnigan!
Jim McFinnigan: Mr. Humberfloob, I wanted to thank you...
(His filthy hand holds Hank Humberfloob's hand, about to shake it, much to him and his rest of the staff gasps in shock)
Hank Humberfloob: (about to outburst in anger) Fired.
Jim McFinnigan: I beg your pardon?
Hank Humberfloob: Fired.
Jim McFinnigan: (worried) B-But I...
Hank Humberfloob: (fuming and screams) FIRRRRRRRRRRRRRED-DUH! (the fearful Jim runs away and Hank Humberfloob then uses his pocket soap to wash off Jim's filth from his hand until it's clean; feeling calm) As you know, tonight is our bimonthly "meet and greet" party. Tonight's host is Joan Walden.
(Staff applauding to Joan)
Hank Humberfloob: This is where people can meet our real estate agents in an informal, yet hygienic setting.
Joan Walden: Mr. Humberfloob, I have to get home to my kids.
Hank Humberfloob: Ah, yes. (looks at a frame photograph of Joan's children, Sally and Conrad) Your children. Joan, let me make this perfectly clear. If your house is messy as last time.... (bellows) YOU'RE FIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE-DUH!
Joan Walden: That's pretty clear, Mr. Humberfloob.
Hank Humberfloob: (smiles) Don't worry. I promise.
Joan Walden: My kids'll be on their best behavior.
Hank Humberfloob: Great.
(Phone rings)
Joan Walden: Humberfloob Real Estate. How can we make your dreams come true? Please hold.
Meeting Conrad, Sally and Joan Walden[]
We zooms out from Humberfloob Real Estate to the subria here we zoom towards a house as the voice over narrator continues)
Narrator: If you leave Humberfloob's and turn left onto Main, three miles down you'll find Lipplapper Lane, a pleasant-enough street in a pleasant-enough way where a neighbor greeted neighbor with a neighborly "Hey!"
Woman #2: Hey!
Man #2: Hey!
Narrator: Here, the hedges were hedged, the weeds were all weeded, and lawns were moved daily, twice daily if needed. And at the end of the street, in a house like any other, something magical would happen to a sister and her brother.
[Nevins Barks]
Conrad: Shh! Nevins! Stealth mode.
Sally: Today's to-do list. Number one: make-to do list. Number two: Practice coloring. Number three: Research graduate schools. Number four: Be spontaneous. Number five: Create lasting childhood memories. And number six: Amend will. What is he doing? [Sighs]
Nevins: [Whines]
[Beeps]
Sally: Number ten: Make tomorrow's to-do list.
Conrad: Ladies and gentlemen! [Nevins Barking] Nevins, your attention, please. You are about to witness the third most spectacular stunt ever performed under this roof!
Sally: Do you know how hard it's getting to tell people that we're related?
Conrad: Relax. I'll put everything back.
Nevins: [Whining]
Conrad: And now, for the indoor stair luge!
Sally: Indoor stair luge? I'll have to add this one to my list.
Conrad: Go have no fun somewhere else. It is showtime!
Nevins: [Whimpers]
Conrad: [Grunts] Whoa! [Yelling] Aah! Yeah! [Groans]
Joan Walden: Oh, my word!
[Nevins Barking]
Sally: Nevins! Nevins, come back!
Conrad: (innocently) Hey, Mom. What's up?
(Joan and Sally look at Conrad disapprovingly. We cut to inside where Joan lectures Conrad and her dress is not ruined.)
Joan: (sternly) You are so lucky you didn't ruin this dress.
Conrad: Mom, I know you're angry. But, there's something you need to know. It's all Sally's fault.
Joan: Oh, really? Now, how exactly was it Sally's fault?
Conrad: Uh, give me a minute. I'm working on it.
Joan: Save it, Conrad. Why today? Why did you have to pick today to destroy the house? You know what's happening today.
Sally: I tried to tell him, Mom. "Mom's throwing a very important party." I said. "All of her important clients will be here." But he went right ahead and wrecked the house and let Nevins get away. Now, again, I hope you're going to ground him.
Joan: Yes, Sally, for a week, but that's none of your business.
Conrad: A week? Come on. Two days.
Joan: I asked you to do one thing today, Conrad, keep the house clean. Do you know how frustrating it is that you're always doing the exact opposite of what I say?
Winnie the Pooh: Uh, pardon us, madam?
Joan Walden: Hello, who are you?
Winnie the Pooh: This is piglet, and rabbit, tigger and eeyore and I’m Winnie the Pooh.
-
Joan: Oh...my...goodness, Ash! He's adorable!
(Pikachu squeals happily as Joan pets him)
Ash: Pikachu likes being petted this way, ma'am. He is pretty sociable around other people who are nice. I should warn you, he can be pretty hostile towards anyone who crosses him. I know, because we've been together for a very long time.
Meeting Larry Quinn/Larry threatens Conrad[]
Man: Knock knock. Did someone lose a dog? (A man comes in with Nevins)
Joan Walden: Oh you found him.
I found him next door in my yard again.
Joan Walden: You are a saint.
Larry Quinn: And here I thought you were only dating me for my good looks.
Conrad: Lucky us. Larry Quinn is here.
Larry Quinn: Hey-a, sport. Call me Lawrence. Okay?
Sally: You rescued Nevins! Thanks, Lawrence!
Larry Quinn: It was my pleasure, Sally. Anything for my little princess.
Sally: Oh, I don't wanna be a princess. In a constitutional monarchy parliament has all the real power.
Larry Quinn: I see. Okay, that's great. Uh, look, pal, be a sport. Why don't you go tidy up the living room. Okay... dude?
Conrad: I don't have to listen to you, Larry.
Joan Walden: Conrad, do what Lawrence says.
Larry Quinn: Have you given some thought about the Wilhelm Academy?
Joan Walden: You mean the Colonel Wilhelm Military Academy for Troubled Youth?
Larry Quinn: That's the one, Joan.
Joan Walden: I'm not sure it's right for Conrad.
Larry Quinn: Oh, Joan, Joan. Joan, Joan, Joan. I have so much respect for you, Joan. Single mother, careerwoman, raising two children on your own, and still finding time to be the best darned real estate agent in town. I know how hard it is, Joan.
Joan Walden: It is hard.
Larry Quinn: Oh... I know. And I know how hard you're trying. This is a once-in-a-lifetime proposition, and you must act now. The Colonel Wilhelm Military Academy for Troubled Youth is what we call in the sales game a win-win scenario. A top-flight military school, and it's only eight hours away.
[Phone Rings]
Joan Walden: Oh, the phone.
(Conrad and the heroes march up to Larry.)
Pikachu: (sparks sputter) PIKA...
Ash Ketchum: I know, Pikachu. Mr. Quinn is a total jerk pretending to be nice when Mrs. Walden is around.
Larry: (threateningly) Listen, here you...
Pikachu: (angrily) Pika....
Larry: Back off, you yellow little beast! You...freaky rodent!
Ash Ketchum: No! You back off and stay away from Pikachu! And don't call my friend that!
Simba: You're not sending Conrad to military school!
Timon: Yeah, you could forget about it, buster!
Pikachu: Pika!!
Conrad: You heard what my friends said! And I heard what you said. I'm not going to military school, Larry.
Larry: Look, buddy. I know I'm not your dad... and this is probably really strange for you... you know your neighbor's dating your mom. But here's the thing, son. Come here. I don't like you either or your new friends. But I'm gonna marry your mom. And if it was up to me, you'd be at military school today.
Terk: That's not gonna happen, buster.
Louis: We're telling you for the last time. Conrad is not going to military school.
Conrad: Yeah, I'm not going.
Larry: Ohh! I think you're gonna love it. It's just like summer camp, except with brutal forced marches... and soul-crushing discipline. And one more thing... it's Lawerence, you little snot-nosed son of a... (Joan comes in and picks up Conrad) wonderful woman who I'm absolutely crazy about! Gosh, I love children! Oh, Joan, I didn't see you there. (puts down Conrad)
(The heroes roll their eyes at Larry.)
Joan: Lawerence, would you be a doll and help me bring up the extra chairs from the basement?
Larry: Nothing would give me more pleasure, Joan, but I do have to run. I have a very important sales conference downtown.
Joan: Oh. Okay. Well, I'll see you at the party tonight.
Larry: Sure.
(Conrad and the heroes look at him with deep hatred. Larry picks up the brief case and puts on the glasses as he marches to the door and he leaves. The heroes shake their heads in disapproval knowing what a phony bad guy he is)
Conrad: Mom, that guy's a total phony. You can't let Larry--
Joan: (refusing to listen) It's Lawerence, Conrad.
Timon: There's something really weird about that guy.
Joan gets called back[]
[Doorbell Rings]
Kate the Caterer: Kate's Catering. I'm here to do your party tonight.
Joan Walden: Oh, hi. Where's Kate?
Kate the Caterer: I'm Kate.
Joan Walden: Oh. Okay. Right this way, Kate.
Winnie the Pooh: Joan, please try to understand your son.
Conrad: Yeah, Mom, you've gotta listen to us!
Joan: Quiet!
Sally: Two weeks ago you said you would...
(The phone rings as Joan was too stressful to listen to her children then she sees Nevins on the table.)
Sally: I specialed it. See?
Joan: Quiet! Nevins! (puts him off the table) I said quiet!
(The heroes frown and then she answers the phone.)
Joan Walden Real Estate. Be it ever so humble, there's no place like Joan.
Mr. Humberfloob: This is Mr. Humberfloob.
Joan Walden: Oh, hi, Mr. Humberfloob.
Mr. Humberfloob: Joan, I need you to come back to the office.
Joan Walden: Today?
Mr. Humberfloob: Yes, Joan. No problem?
Joan Walden: No problem at all.
Mr. Humberfloob: Great.
Joan Walden: [Gasps]
Sally: What's going on, Mommy?
Joan Walden: Mommy has to go back to the office. Oh! I hope Mrs. Kwan can babysit.
Conrad: Not Mrs. Kwan!
(Mrs. Kwan is at the door ringing the doorbell and Joan answers it.)
Joan: Hi, Mrs. Kwan.
Mrs. Kwan: Hi.
Joan: I'm running late. Thanks for babysitting on such short notice.
Mrs. Kwan: Mmm, yeah.
Joan: I'll be back in a couple of hours.
Mrs. Kwan: (to Conrad and Sally) Hi.
(Conrad waves while playing his game.)
Joan: Conrad's grounded, so no video games. (takes Conrad's game) Sally, last chance. If you wanna make cupcakes I can take you to your friend, Ginny's house.
Sally: Ginny's not my friend anymore. Last time we made cupcakes she wanted to be the head chef. I'm the head chef.
Joan: Well, what about Denise, then?
Sally: She talked back to me. So, I ordered her not to speak to me anymore.
Joan: And, you don't like bossy?
Sally: I won't tolerate it.
Joan: Right. If you're both staying with your new friends. Remember, the rules. Conrad, no playing ball in the house, no fighting, no answering the phone, "City Morgue.:
Sally: Mommy, can't I have some rules?
Joan: No chewing tobacco.
Sally: Thanks, Mom, you have my word.
Joan: And absolutely no one sets foot in the living room or else.
Conrad: Or else what? You're gonna do what Larry said and send me to military school?
Joan: Maybe if you'd just behave, I wouldn't have to consider military school. I wish I could trust you.
Misty: Well, you should, Joan. Because he's your son and you're supposed to be on his side, not Larry's side.
Joan: Misty, I don't have time for debates right now. I'm going to be late for work and we'll talk about this later.
Conrad: You know what? I wish I had a different mom.
Joan: Well, sometimes I wish the same thing.
(Joan leaves and slams the door. The heroes groan in frustration.)
Pooh Bear: Oh, bother.
Pikachu: (disappointed) Pikachu.
Tigger: It's not fair you guys. It's just not fair.
Brock: Yeah, she just doesn't understand about that Larry jerk.
SpongeBob: (groans) She just won't listen to us. I can't believe she's on Larry's side.
Patrick: Yeah, and the nerve of that guy threatening Conrad.
Ash Ketchum: (growls) Next time, I'll give Larry the shock treatment from Pikachu!
Brock: Easy.
Conrad: You're right, guys. That guy Larry needs to be taught a lesson.
(Later outside Joan looks back but looks at her watch and leaves frantically as Larry gets into his car)
Joan: Good luck with your meeting.
-
Meeting the Cat in the Hat[]
Sally: Who are you?!
Cat: Who, me? Why, I'm the Cat in the Hat.
Winnie the Pooh: The Cat in the Hat?
Ash Ketchum: My mom used to read your book to me when I was little.
Cat: That’s nice kid. Anyway,
-
Conrad: Where did you come from?
Signing the contract[]
Conrad: That was wicked cool.
Sally: Do it again.
Larry's true nature/Kupcake Inator[]
(Just then Larry comes in)
Larry: My goodness. I can’t believe what I’m seeing.
Sally: Mr Quinn. I was just telling Conrad to get off the couch.
Larry: Sally. Princess. Baby. I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. NOBODY LIKES A SUCK UP!
-
(They see the Cat is gone)
(Larry steals bread then burps loudly which disgusts Conrad, Sally and the heroes.)
Larry: Good bread.
Daphne: Ugh! You're so disgusting!
Gwen: What do you think this is a grocery store?!
Ben: Yeah. Don't you ever have a job, Mr. Quinn?
Larry: No.
Rabbit: (furiously) Who said you can take Mrs. Walden's food without permission?!
Pikachu: Pika Pika!!!
Tigger: Yeah, brunos, don't you ever buy your own food? Hmm?!
Larry: I don't have any money!
Misty: (outraged) That's no excuse, you greedy pig!!!
(Scooby among with the other dogs growl angrily.)
Pikachu: (sparks sputter) PIKA...!!!
Simba: Lawerence, you can't just barge in other peoples houses and steal their food without permission.
Nala: This is really rude to come into peoples kitchens without asking!
Fred: You're gonna get into alot of trouble if you keep stealing!
Pikachu: Pika Pika!!!
Ash Ketchum: (growls angrily) Just you wait til Mrs. Walden hears about this!
Larry: And who is going to believe you, trainer boy? You're just a kid! Nobody will listen to children!
(Then they see the cat jumping on the couch)
-
Sally: Cat, your tail...
Cat: What about it? (sees his tail) Oh, I see. I've chopped it off. Well, that's interesting, because... (sees his tail cut in two) Son of a b—
(Beeping sound and a card says “Hang in there Baby”)
Meeting the Things[]
Chasing Nevins[]
The Cat: Why don’t we take my car?
Conrad: You have a car?
-
-
The Cat: Here she is: The Super Luxurious Omnidirectional Watchamajigger. Or S.L.O.W. for short.
Sally: S.L.O.W.?
The Cat: Yeah, SLOW.
Racing to the house/The house is wrecked[]
Sully: We're all home now, Larry! Just leave them alone!
Larry: No way, fella! Conrad and Sally are so busted and so are you!
Bagheera: You're not ratting out on us, Mr. Quinn!
Baloo: Yeah, you're not telling Mrs. Walden, buster!
Ash Ketchum: You stay away or I'll have my Pikachu shock you with his electric attacks!
Larry: You wouldn't dare, boy!
Ash Ketchum: Oh, yeah?!
(Ash punched Larry's face really hard.)
Winnie the Pooh: Stop him!
Misty: Staryu, water gun attack!
(Staryu squirts water at Larry getting him all soaked.)
Larry: (growls) You got me soaked, missy!
Misty: The name is Misty!
Larry: Whatever. (to Ash) That wasn't very nice damaging my face, kid!
Shaggy: Sic him, Scoob!
(Scooby growls and bites Larry)
Larry: Oww, that hurt!
-
Conrad: Guys what happened? What about the mother of all messes?
Winnie the Pooh: We don't know, Conrad.
Larry: (sneezes) Why am I sneezing?
(Cat taps Larry's shoulder.)
Cat: That'd be me. Boo! (laughs)
Larry: You're a giant-(sneezes) cat! (falls to the purple goo) Judas Priest!
-
The Cat: I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it.
(the heroes looked shocked)
Ben: You did it?
The Cat: Okay we did it.
Misty: We did it?
Sally: I don’t think we did anything.
-
The cat: Well what are you gonna do? Tennis anyone?
-
Conrad: Your hat? It’s magic again?
Gwen: I thought you left your hat at the party.
-
Sally: You had your real hat with you this whole time?
The Cat: Yep. I planned the whole day.
Conrad: What do you mean you planned the whole day? All of it?
The Cat: Yep.
Sally: The house getting trashed?
The Cat: Yep.
Conrad: Quinn and the villains taking Nevins?
The Cat: Yep.
Sally: Cutting off your tail?
The Cat: Nope.
(The floor beam falls down)
Conrad: You even knew I open the crate?
The Cat: Why do you think I made it my one rule? I knew you couldn’t resist. Now who’s up for a game of Canadian doubles?
(He hits the ball with a racket and sound of a cat was heard)
Sally: Cat you said nothing bad would happen.
Conrad: Cat you need to get out.
The Cat: I don’t know that game.
Fred Jones: This isn’t funny cat. Conrad means it.
Conrad: Yeah. It’s not a game. None of this is a game.
The Cat: But I thought you guys wanted to have fun today.
Misty: Not like this.
Conrad: Misty’s right. Look around cat.
Cleaning the house[]
The Cat in the Hat: So, there's just one last game to play. It's called; Clean up the House. Kids, Pooh and friends, meet the Dynamic Industrial Renovating Tractormajigger.
The heroes, Conrad and Sally: D.I.R.T?
The Cat: Thats right.
The heroes expose Larry to Joan/Joan dumps Larry[]
Joan: All right, kids. This place better not be a mess. I'm...(surprised to see the house spotless) home?
Conrad: Hi, Mom.
Sally: Hi, Mom.
Heroes: Hello, Joan.
Mrs. Kwan: (wakes up) Miss Walden, home so soon? The children were angels.
Joan: Thanks, Mrs. Kwan.
(Larry comes in all covered with purple goo.)
Larry: Hello, Joan.
Heroes: (furiously) You!
Joan: Lawerence, what happened to you?
Larry: They all... happened to me. Your demonic children and your no-good friends. They destroyed your house! The house was alive. The wall was made of paper. I fell off the cliff. And the giant cat... The giant cat! Tell her.
Conrad: (softly) Larry, Larry. You look terrible, and my mom thinks you're insane. This is what we in sales call "a win-win scenario."
Larry: Joan, you are passing up the opportunity or a lifetime. You know what kind of kid your boy is. I mean who are you going to believe?
Joan: You're right. I do know what kind of kid Conrad is. He can be irresponsible.
Larry: Yes.
Ronald: No, Joan! Don't listen to him!
Larry: (annoyed) Shut up, clown boy!
Joan: He makes bad choices.
Larry: Yes!
Joan: He makes me want to tear my hair out.
Larry: Yes! Yes! Yes!
Joan: But he's a good kid. and I believe in him.
Pooh Bear: Joan, we have something to say about Mr. Quinn.
Mickey Mouse: Yeah, Lawerence Quinn had been lying to you all along!
Joan: (shocked) What are you guys saying?
Donald Duck: We've collected evidence while you were at work.
Goofy: We've been watching him come out his car and he stole your food from the kitchen without permission.
Bugs Bunny: He was pretending to be a business man.
Daffy Duck; And, we found out that he's nothing but unemployed slob who hates kids!
Larry Quinn: Don't listen to them, Joan! They're lying!
Alex: (angrily) We are not!
Marty: Yeah, you're the one who's been lying, you no-good scumbag!
Princess Anna: You think you're a nice man who likes kids! Well, think again, Lawerence Quinn!
Genie: We've took pictures to prove it to you who the actual liar is.
(Genie gives Joan pictures of Larry.)
Tigger: We've also heard what Larry just said to your kids behind your back.
Larry Quinn: (groans) You've got to be kidding me.
(Tigger plays the tape recorder of Larry's insults to Conrad and Sally.)
Larry: (v/o on tape recorder) I don't like you either. But I'm gonna marry your mom. Nobody likes a suck up!
(Joan felt shocked upon realizing that Larry is not the nice guy she thought he was since the heroes and Conrad were telling the truth. Larry felt speechless knowing that he's being exposed.)
Joan: You right, guys. He's a messy slob. I should've known!
Queen Elsa: Well, Lawerence, what do you have to say for yourself, now?
Larry Quinn: (growls angrily at the heroes)
(Sparks sputter from Pikachu's cheeks)
Pikachu: (angrily) PIKA!!!!
Ash Ketchum: Pikachu, let him have it! THUNDERBOLT ATTACK!
(Larry gasps in horror and Pikachu shocks him with his thunderbolt.)
Pikachu: PIKA! PIKACHU!!!
(Larry screams in terrible pain as he is electrocuted by Pikachu's jolt of electricity which amazed Joan, Conrad and Sally.)
Joan: My friends are right too. Now, I'd like you to leave.
Larry: Wha... Joan. Joan.
Ash Ketchum: Now, stay away from Joan's kids, her dog and keep off her property!
Jessica Rabbit: Nobody's gonna marry an unemployed loser like you!
Rabbit: Hmph! Goodbye and good riddance!
Misty: And, don't you ever come back, you no-good greedy pig!
Joan: (sighs) Guys, you were right about Lawerence and I'm really sorry for not listening to you and my son in the first place.
Winnie the Pooh: Oh, that's all right, Joan
Piglet: You didn't know who Mr. Quinn really was.
Joan: Well, I do now. And, Misty, you were right I was supposed to be on Conrad's side.
Misty: Aww, we all make mistakes, Joan.
Tigger: Glad you told off that no-good Mr. Quinn. Hoo-hoo!
Bagheera: You see, Joan, not everybody has a job like you do.
Baloo: Yeah, some people are jobless.
Joan: Well, I'm not surprised. So, anyway I'm returning you guys the favor.
Heroes: Really?
Joan: Yes, my party is tonight and you're all going to my guests.
Winnie the Pooh: Does this mean we're invited to your party?
Joan: Yes, Pooh Bear, that's exactly what it means.
(The heroes cheer happily.)
Piglet: Thank you, very much, Joan.
Rabbit: How very kind of you.
Joan: (chuckles warmly) My pleasure.
Ash Ketchum: Joan, you remind me of my mom.
(Ash hugs Joan and she giggles while hugging him back.)
Joan: (giggles) Thanks for the compliment, Ash.
???: I guess some of us better go bathe and get changed for the party.
Joan: (nods) Mmm-hmm.
(Hours later the heroes are dressed for Joan's party.)
Winnie the Pooh: So, how do we look?
Conrad: I think you guys look fine.
Sally: You guys cleaned up nice.
Joan: Yes, you guys look perfect.
Ending[]
Joan: So, what did you kids do today, huh?
Winnie the Pooh: We just hung around, Joan.